feeling low

[lonemum]

I suppose I won't be the only one on here but not feeling all that great today. I've suddenly realised I don't really fit in anywhere . I'm a single mum of one ds who means everything to me but i'm no longer with his father, split before he was born. Single childless friends don't understand how I feel about ds and the obvious commitment it brings and married friends I don't see so often as, well, they're married. I don't think I could be classed as a threat and even if that's what they think, i'm not that sort of person, far far from it. Don't know what I want to say just feeling very upset right now. I should be just happy that I have ds and I am, just could do with a shoulder to lean on sometimes.

[Pixiefish]

Sorry you're feeling low. Not a lone parent BUT feel like it sometimes as dh works extremely long hours. It's the smae for me with childless friends not really being interested in kids and married friends being with partners at the weekends (dh works nearly every weekend)

[Redtartanlass]

Oh sweetie, I was just going to log off when I read you're thread. All I can say to help, is you're not alone and will meet other mums in exactly the same situation as you. I was a single parent to ds1 for about 10 years and I can promise you it does get better.

How old is your son?

[cinderelly]

Oh god, there must be something in the water, coz I feel exactly the same tonite! Am in same situation as you, and doesnt normally bother me, but have done nothing but cry all nite. (Dd staying in mums, thankgod). Sorry, no advice except that this is just a phase hopefully, and your not alone. Let me know if you find a miracle cure

[lonemum]

Feeling a little better this morning especially after reading the current SN thread. DS is just a few months old and I don't have family around for support either so although I love being with him I need an occasional hug too. DS gives me plenty of those but I do realise that you are a bit cut off when you're a single parent. And though I shouldn't say it, so jealous of those in a 'normal' family unit sometimes. My set up is far from that. I need to give myself a good talking to and not feel so sorry for myself. I'm sure if I look hard enough, i'll meet others in the same boat.

[lonemum]

Feeling a little better this morning especially after reading the current SN thread. DS is just a few months old and I don't have family around for support either so although I love being with him I need an occasional hug too. DS gives me plenty of those but I do realise that you are a bit cut off when you're a single parent. And though I shouldn't say it, so jealous of those in a 'normal' family unit sometimes. My set up is far from that. I need to give myself a good talking to and not feel so sorry for myself. I'm sure if I look hard enough, i'll meet others in the same boat.

[loulounz]

Hi lonemum - i've recently split with my dh and he's giving me a really hard time at the minute. I have a 3 & 1 yr old. I love them to bits but find it really hard being a lone parent. I think the "lone" bit says it all - I am very LONELY and cry most of the time - I too need a hug!

I have no support where I live at present - all my family live away (too far for just a quick visit) and I have no friends close by either. I have lost most of my "married" friends now because they feel awkward and don't want to choose between us!! Great friends, but I do understand!

I am desperate for my house to sell so I can move closer to family, but it seems to be taking ages.

I too feel very jealous of others who seem to be in a happy family environment! I hate myself sometimes for walking passed people and thinking why are you happy, why not me? and that's awful!

I find toddler groups etc. to be quite 'clicky' - most people already have their friends and I'm not the sort to barge in and introduce myself - I'm quite shy and unless someone talks to me first I usually sit on my own! Money is quite tight as well, so that prevents me from going out too much - I have to do things that are free!

I also need to give myself a good talking to - which I manage some days, but not others. I'm sure there are lots of people out there just like us - it is just trying to find them! I suppose we are lucky that we have the internet to talk to people on mumsnet - but it's not quite the same.

Sending you lots of {{{{HUGS}}}}}. Hope you are feeling okay today.

[coralswhisper]

Hello,

Where do you live? Lonemum an loulounz?

CW

[lonemum]

Thanks you both for your posts, they help . I'm in the south, I won't say any more as I don't want to give myself away. I've been to a group this morning and it was really nice but again, although the partners weren't there, they all had them. Going out in the daytime is fine because of course alot of mums are at home and there dh/dp go to work. It's the evening's when you're on a limited budget and don't particularly want to leave your child with a relative stranger but it's quite often not possible to go out otherwise. And the fact that you can't just think, oh that's ok, I can meet up with friends as dh/dp will be at home. That sounds terribly self pitying and i've read on here about quite a few people who don't manage to get out more than once or twice a year so I really shouldn't complain it's just sometimes, you know, you want the whole deal. I'm going to go now and count all my blessings, which there are plenty of and kick myself into touch.

[loulounz]

I live in the south too, but am hoping to go up north soon to be nearer family.

This lone parent thing is crap isn't it! I'm stuck in every night too for the same reasons as you lonemum - that I don't want a stranger looking after my children, plus as dh is refusing to pay any more than the bear minimum, I am extremely skint and what I spend would immediately go on my children.

If I think about it was my marriage any different? - my dh never took me out when he was with me! But it's just having some company and someone to cuddle up to isn't it (no hang on, if I think about that I didn't get that either!) - I'll re-phrase that - in a normal loving relationship it's nice to have company and someone to cuddle up to! That's what I miss.

I miss having good friends to talk to, day or night as well.

Better stop thinking of what I miss as I will get depressed!

Whereabouts are you coralswhisper? Are you a lone parent too?

[dweebusdad]

Hi all
Got to get you to feel a bit better, so here goes. I too am on my own with kids - were very young in beginning. Found isolation hard, as had worked away and been free to travel anywhere I liked. I would say that for a while I hated taking kids to school and waiting for them as would see all the happy marrieds and felt robbed. However, as time went on they got to know me, and I was surprised at how much crap they too had in their lives, as I thought it was saved for lone parents. I guess it made me a bit more grateful for what I had, rather than lamenting what I'd lost in many ways. So after a lot of growing up - which I needed - I settled into being a 'lone parent'. I wouldn't change any of it, good or bad, as I've learnt a lot from both.
You're right though, there's only other single parents that have any idea what its like, but I have mates that are on the other side of it. They, not always through their own fault, only see their kids occaissonally, and they feel the 'lone' parent as they're missing out on so much.
So when you feel low, look at your kids - who may well be screaming at you - and remember life is what you make it, not what you let it do to you, and I wouldn't change a bit of it, and can't wait for the next bit...

[lonemum]

loulounz, i'm glad you're able to move closer to family. I'm sure that will help enormously if you have a good relationship with them. Things in your marriage could probably be applied to alot of people I imagine but that doesn't really help you at the time, does it? I think it's better to be in no relationship rather than the wrong one at any cost. I know a few people who've stayed in abusive and unloving relationships mainly because they just don't want to be by themselves. I'm not averse to meeting someone either and right now, it'd be lovely to have someone to curl up with but DS is the most important person in my life now so that bit of me will have to wait a while. Get the violins out

dweebusdad, you're so right you know, and i'm sitting here right now, raising a glass to you. In fact, I made one huge decision today but i'm keeping it under wraps for now.

[dweebusdad]

hey
you sound happier, and the violin is out - I'll play, you sing. I'm finally learning patience as far as having 'someone to curl up with' goes - enough rushed mistakes for a lifetime.
So here's to the future - may it be a good one

[dweebusdad]

oh, and Lou
I know how you feel with the stuck in on your own and wanting someone to cuddle, but slow down a minute. Keeping in mind your crap ex thread, get yourself sorted and moved. Then when you're settled, you'll find that a 'together' mum and kids family has an attraction of its own. Its maybe a guy thing but there is an admiration of single mothers that can attract the 'good guys'.
So take heart lass, and get tha' sel' up north.

[lonemum]

that sounds promising, thanks!

[dweebusdad]

I was going to say it's 'the knight in shining armour' principle, but seemed too flippant for a rainy Friday night with dodgy ex's. But it's Saturday now and the sun's out, so watch out for a 'fella on a horse'

[tinky4]

Ive just read your messages. Im on my own with 4 little ones and i dont have any family help either. There is light at the end of the tunnel, i promise you. I get up everyday and try my best and i go out everyday even if its just to the park. My life is much easier now that i have a reliable babysitter( my next door neighbour) which means that i can work in the evenings and go for a drink with a friend. I hate leaving the children but i know that i can trust the babysitter and i never go far. As for ex's, my ex husband still gives me rubbish as much as he can but i try to deal with it better, which means i try to ignore everything he says..hehe. I do worry that i maybe on my own forever but at the mo i just think little steps and we do get stronger. Ive been told these lessons come to teach us, but i would like to know why and then i think i dont want to know why, ill just deal with it.. i get my cuddles of my babies and just try to enjoy the special time you have with your little one...put your lippy on everytime you go out and smile at every man you see, if really works....

[love74]

Hi all, have just realised these posts are from a few years ago, but just wanted to share my story and have a wee moan!

I left an abusive relationship almost 2 years ago taking my then 1 year old little girl with me. I have just knucked down and got on with it, never missing a days work, keeping busy, and ensuring my daughter still saw her dad regularly. It was tremendously difficult seeing him as he stayed in our home, wouldnt allow me back in and he met someone else really quickly. He contined to treat me in a smug and arrogant, abusive manner& I tried to rise above it, consulting my lawyer along the way.

However almost 2 years on and I am at my wits end, feel really low today and think what am I doing all this for?? have not alot of money and feel one day rolls into next.. I know I am lucky to have such an amazing daughter &family who have been there for me, but feel I am in this alone and no-one understands...(daughter is hitting terrible 3's not 2's!)and im finding it difficult to cope. My mind is always full of whats happened and what he is doing and how angry I am....i need to move on but is difficult as we are still tied with house..sorry for lengthly moan:)just having one of those days im sure! x