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have to ever felt like you have to avoid certain people when you are feeling low?

(10 Posts)
hariboegg Mon 06-Dec-10 15:06:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Suncottage Mon 06-Dec-10 15:10:12

Yep I know exactly how you feel- I have two friends that I sometimes have to keep at arm's length if I am stressed or feeling low - I call them the psychic vampires as they tend to drain me of energy.

Ninety % of the time I am fine with them - but sometimes I just have to switch the phone off and feel guilty for a few days.

hariboegg Mon 06-Dec-10 15:13:07

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Colourful Mon 06-Dec-10 15:15:04

Not unusual at all.

I have a couple of very lovely friends who can be a bit draining and I seem to be the first port of call when things are going wrong for them. I've also noticed (well, dh pointed it out) that they never get in touch unless they want a shoulder to cry on or my advice about something.

If I'm in a good place and generally feeling good about everything then I can cope well with them but if I'm feeling a bit low then I find they just suck the life out of me and leave me feeling very drained.

If I'm feeling a bit melancholy then I avoid them tbh. I know it sounds harsh but I always used to try to support them come what may. After one weekend dealing with both of their problems (coincidentally they were getting divorced at the same time) I was really upset and felt so low and dh called a time out on it. I think sometimes you have to put yourself and your own mental health first.

smile

hariboegg Mon 06-Dec-10 15:26:46

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Suncottage Mon 06-Dec-10 15:44:23

Yep again. When I was going through a hellish divorce my friend was not there for me once. My father is terminally ill but she 'cannot cope' with that and refuses to deal with it or speak to me about it.

She got upset last month because I forgot to send her a birthday card.hmm

Like I said, psychic vampires that feed and feed until you can give no more. They come running back when they are 'hungry'.

Rationing is in order when the friendship is that one sided - with my other friend she is genuinely down and worried. I support he as much as I can.

hariboegg Mon 06-Dec-10 15:49:15

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kitbit Mon 06-Dec-10 15:53:05

I think Suncottage is me
I had a friend who demanded, took and demanded some more. When I started to distance myself a bit (we were having a rough time and she wasn't there for me in the slightest) she all of sudden found a new friendship group and dropped me immediately. I was under no illusion that we were "true friends" but our children played well together and we used to go for coffee etc and pass the time which was pleasant enough, so although my feelings were hurt initially when she upped and went, actually I'm really glad because I now have friends who give as well as take.

YANBU

Suncottage Mon 06-Dec-10 16:15:01

You don't have to drop her or avoid her - but just keep a distance.

The friend I have distanced myself from is one of my oldest and dearest friends and I have always taken the trouble to keep in touch. She is divorced and has moved back in with her parents (she is in her 40's and childless) but I have found over the last year or so I cannot listen anymore to her 'problems'.

They are usually non-existant or are there through a problem of her own making.

Like I said - I cannot name a single instance she has been there for me and I am willing to drop it now - guilt wouldn't let me before.

I also got to the point where I felt like screaming at her to grow up and take responsibility - that was my cue to cut ties.

Suncottage Mon 06-Dec-10 16:36:59

As colorful and *kitbit say - her friend 'gets in touch when she wants something or a shoulder to cry on' or 'wasn't there for me in the slightest'.

Quite agree.

It also took my Dp to point out that it was pretty one sided...........took me a while to realise hmm

Stick with the friends that buoy you up, cheer you up or pick you up and make sure you return the favour if they need it

smile

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