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Please help me cope ..I have never wanted to die before

(38 Posts)
WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 19:51:45

I have had Panic attacks for the last 20 yrs - and usually i can cope with them. For the last 2 nights I was to die ..I have never thought about wanting to die before ...I really cant cope...can someone help me please

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 19:54:04

Hey it's ok you're not on your own

Sometimes we temporarily run out of 'coping' and then thoughts like that come in.

Is anything in particular triggering such bad panic attacks and what has been tried to help you?

SharonGless Sat 27-Nov-10 19:55:39

Have you anyone to talk to in real life? What has happened over last 2 nights?
Please ring Samaritans if you really feel like this - they are brilliant. Number is 08457 909090

ItalianLady Sat 27-Nov-10 19:56:04

Do you want to die or do you want the pain to stop?

I totally get the wanting to die thing as I have felt that before but mostly it was just wanting the pain to go and to feel normal but one time I did try and take my own life. Mostly I have been annoyed it didn't work.

Are you alone? Do you have children?

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 19:58:44

I always find the important thing for me has been do I wish I was dead or am I looking for a way to end it? The former is a lot less worrying than the latter. Not that it should be ignored of course!

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:04:30

I need the attacks to go away - I have managed them for such along time. I work full time. I am 'normal' for most of the time ...but i have found it really difficult over the last few nights. I have 2 kids. I really want someone to take them away tonight. I can not cope any more.

ItalianLady Sat 27-Nov-10 20:06:40

Ring the Samaritans? A friend?

Bath and early night?

I don't know what to say to try and help you sad.

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:07:43

will someone help me please?

ItalianLady Sat 27-Nov-10 20:08:23

What do you want us to do? sad

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 20:10:59

OK what do you do when you have one?

For me it gets triggered when I feel out of control, because I'm too busy or too stressed or something triggers memories

Then I discover too late that I'm breathing too much

So I start pushing the air out of my lungs by breathing out for a long time, or even hold my breath. Rebalancing your breathing takes away the other symptoms.

Try to talk - what is going on, what is making you have these attacks?

bristols Sat 27-Nov-10 20:11:50

Are the children in bed? Is there anyone that could come round and keep you company? Please make the call to the samaritans. They can help.

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:13:34

sorry for taking your time ..i will cope because i have to. I think i will have to go to my doctors on Monday. I have never taken drugs before although i have tried CBT... the whole thing makes me feel too mad. My OH is here and he really trys to understand but he doesn't. I have never felt this bad before.

Desiderata Sat 27-Nov-10 20:14:10

You're not going to die, WentBlank. OK!

You're not going to die by your own hand, or by any other agency.

You're going to watch some schlop on the TV, give your kids a kiss, and have a lie in in the morning.

And if you haven't met your Guardian Angel yet, it's time to get acquainted. He's very good looking, with a massive schlong wink. If you speak to him, (try not to do it out loud), he will help you.

Every morning, you just say 'help me get through the day,' .. and he will.

Life is not easy, love. But you can make it easier, by doing little things.

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 20:16:09

do these attacks come out of the blue? what triggered the first one?

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:16:50

Drinking helps me to cope. Then I feel like i am some alky so it makes me feel worse. I hate the idea i am letting someone down.

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 20:18:21

who are you letting down?

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:22:07

I had the first one when i was 17 and struggled for years with them. Most of the time I can cope with them, my boss understands and I have spoken to her about them but now i am slipping out of control and i cant stop myself

nemofish Sat 27-Nov-10 20:24:57

Oh sweetness.

3 weeks ago I felt quite like you. I wanted to die, it was all I could think about and I just laid in bed and cried for days.

I went to my doctor. He arranged for a mental health unit to assess me, I went to the appointment that day and talked and talked and talked. They listened to me and believed me and it was a weight off my shoulders.

I started a course of beta-blockers for my anxiety. They made me feel a bit tired at first but after a few days, no problems, and for the first time in my life I can handle things without the terrifying panic-y feeling all the time. smile

I had home visits from the mental health crisis team, so I got to talk about how I was feeling with someone, everyday. I told dh, and he has been wonderful. In fact I think it has brought us closer togehter.

Wanting to drink is a sure sign that you are feeling unable to cope and you need to ask for help. Don't worry, I was using sleeping tablets instead of booze to cope but it still amounts to the same thing.

Please ask for help. Send me a private message if there is anything you nwould like to talk about / ask off board.

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:24:58

I am letting my famaily down. I am letting my boss down. I am letting myself down. I need help - ...I have never been this bad ...i want to end it ... I should be stronger then this

nemofish Sat 27-Nov-10 20:26:22

You are not letting anyone down. Everyone has a breaking point, where they can do no more and they need help - you have found yours.

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 20:26:24

You are not slipping out of control. The panic attacks may do, but you are ok

Panic attacks are silly things - the first one is a logical response to something and after that you become afraid of the panic attacks and that makes them happen..

I have had them for 20 years too - but with a long break in the middle. But I learned how to get my breathing back to normal from a university psychologist and I am still able to use that now.

You can use techniques to manage them and that makes you less afraid of getting them and it largely reverses the circle

WentBlank Sat 27-Nov-10 20:29:16

Everything about me screams that I should cope....and most of the time i do ... because i have to job says I should be able to cope...not being able to cope makes me feel even worse

ballstoit Sat 27-Nov-10 20:31:50

You are not letting anyone down, you are experiencing something which is, though horrible, a normal part of being human.

What has made you cope before, and what's changed now?

madmouse Sat 27-Nov-10 20:31:51

coping has a place but nem os right, sometimes you run ou of coping and it means you need a bit of support. No one can cope all the time.

C4ro Sat 27-Nov-10 20:56:58

Hi Wentblank.

So sorry you're feeling like this.

Everyone here is speaking great sense. I have no advice on how to handle the panic attacks but I do know you shouldn't feel a failure that it hurts and you're on the end of your rope. Small pains carried for a long time are just as bad (or worse) than whatever you'd class a proper problem.

Don't feel you've failed. Be kind to yourself.

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