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what to do

(3 Posts)
merminski Sun 21-Nov-10 01:21:22

Hi. Just wanted to say this 'out loud', hope that's okay.

I've had depression for years, and social anxiety, much counselling, on mild antidepressants. Self esteem not brilliant. Have been trying to deal with fact that the man I was seeing in only really wanted sex and a bit of companionship, prob sounds childish but I liked him (over now) and it's made me feel pretty low, and like I've deluded myself. I also lost my sister three years ago in January, and this time of year is not good.

I don't know many people around here (receint in new city) and have wandered about today as I thought exercise and daylight might help, but still just wanting to be anonymous but also horribly lonely at the same time. Have joined pilates and cookery classes to meet people and go when I feel up to it. I think I look alright on the outside, but inside I feel like I'm going have to accept being be a recluse for years to come because I just can't seem to get right, even with the counselling and my self help stuff.

I always know there are people far worse off, and will keep going but it felt like such a long slog today, although now I've said all this it will probably feel a bit better tomorrow. If anyone has any advice I would really love to hear it. Thanks for reading though. M

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Nov-10 01:28:18

I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say but couldn't ignore you. I do totally understand the desire for anonymity and yet wanting "connection" too; I've lived in this general (rural) area for over a decade and actually resent the conections my (now adult) children have made, because they force me to be more sociable than I want to be, but at the same time I'm very happy having old friends I don't see too often, and some new "online" (but also RL) friends... Gah, pointless answer, sorry.

merminski Sun 21-Nov-10 12:18:30

OldLady not pointless at all, helps me feel better. I know what you mean about old friends not seen so often, I really enjoy those connections and when I'm there I wonder why I ever felt lonely! Have lived in rural areas and small towns before and people seem so curious about why I want to be less sociable that it ends up attracting more attention, found that a bit tricky, don't know if you've felt the same.

Maybe I need to give things more of a chance to settle down again. thanks for replying

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