Can somebody give me some perspective?

[assett]

Hi there, having a bit of a bad time at the moment and finding the responsibility of making decisions for a whole family too much. To summarise - we moved to a new area when ds was 8 months old (he is now 3) - had a run of problems with rented properties (damp, asbestos, horrendous neighbours) which have left me feeling that nowhere is safe.

Now (for various reasons) we are about to move again but I'm completely unable to make a decision about where we should go. Basic options are stay in same area or move somewhere closer to my mum and a bit cheaper to live. Pros of staying are we know people and we are by the sea (which I really value and think would be great for ds and dd growing up). Cons are we're not near relatives or long-term friends and it's quite expensive. DH and I both self employed so no real work ties.

I really want this move to be permanent as we have to apply for ds's school in January and I don't want to keep moving him once he's settled. But it just feels like so much pressure to decide now where we're going to live for the next 18 years.... And after our run of bad experiences, I just keep fearing the worst - what if we don't like it, what if there's something wrong with the house, what if something terrible happens, everyone is miserable and it's all my fault....

This all follows several episodes of depression and anxiety. Not quite sure how to get a grip and make a responsible decision that is best for all of us and that I'm not going to live to regret.

Any thoughts/advice etc etc most welcome.

[Keziahhopes]

Could you write a list of pro's and con's down on paper - all of them, including types of schools available, work factors, support,health provision (do you want to change gp's) housing type and costs etc... if you haven't already done so? And perhaps discuss that list with your partner and work out which factors really matter?

I don't have a supportive family so that would not be a factor, but you know what your family situation is - would it be a benefit to you to have people around you? Would your children seeing family members be helpful?

If it was me, I would write a list, maybe rank the factors and try to discuss it with my partner of friends who could be objective. Hope you could find a solution that helps you.

[eaglewings]

What Kezi said, good advice, hope you feel happy with the conclusion you come to and find a nice home

[madmouse]

The best I can advice you right now is to stop trying to decide where you want to live for the next 18 years seeing that no one can plan more than about 5 years ahead. So focus on what right now/for the foreseeable future would be a good place to live.

I move every few years and the way the next move is coming up I have no idea where ds will go to primary school and you know what that is ok. You can only plan so far.