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Dad suffers with schizophrenia

(10 Posts)
Scruffyhound Mon 08-Nov-10 20:53:00

My dad has suffered with schitzophrenia for about 14 years now. We have just got to the point where my dad has not been sectioned for 2 yrs. I had a phone call the other day off dads new nurse/social worker and she said they have got to make cut backs and can dad take him self to the clinic to get his injection I felt that he should not be doing that his self and he needs to be monitored as when he is not he gets sectioned hes been sectioned nearly every year since diagnosed. I used to be his carer until I fell pregnant and disslocated my knee I could not cope with my own things and a full time job as well as dad. So when someone took over it was nice. I have moved away now and live 2 hrs away and in some selfish ways dont want to get dragged into it again. I looked after dad from when i was 17 up until I was 28 and felt I should not have a baby because dad took up so much time. I had counciling for it. I love my dad but I cant go through that again it was so heart breaking. I hope the NHS sorts its self out!

FlameGrilledMama Tue 09-Nov-10 09:22:00

Hi I did speak to you on your other post. My mum always had nervous breakdowns and even from a young age (8) I was left to pick up the pieces.

It ruins your childhood and you don't want it to ruin your life. Sometimes you just wanna scream I can't do this anymore. But you don't you keep going and stretch youself so thin that you feel unable to cope in your own life.

It does not make you a bad person to want to run away it does not even make you a bad person if you bear slight resentment and I can tottaly empathsize why you do not wish to become his main carer again. If I was you I would tell his SW that you are allready offering all the support you are able to. If she cuts down her time with him say he well end up being sectioned and think how much resource that will cost. Do not back down I think she was hoping you would take the responsibility for her. HTH

Scruffyhound Tue 09-Nov-10 10:34:58

Thanks that is nice to know. I feel sorry for you too. Age 8 is soo young. I do feel that some children will look after thier parents when they are young as they think they HAVE to not that they have a choice. I do admire these children it must be so hard and must of been really hard for you. You do have days where you just cant face it but most of the time just want the best for them as you love them so much. Im selfish and glad Im away my dad has his sister to watch him she has no kids and is in her 50's she had my grandparents house when they died and my nan said to make sure my dad got everything he needed but left her in charge of the money. So I do feel that she can now take over for a bit. It is hard and its hard to find out you are entitled to a life. I hope your ok now and are happy smile

FlameGrilledMama Tue 09-Nov-10 13:34:57

I am still dealing with some issues from my childhood (I have been told I likely have bipolar that was triggered by my childhood) but I would not change it for the world it made me the woman I am and it made me stronger but enough about me this is your thread grin.

As for you being selfish that is not true there comes a point when you have to say no I can't do this anymore. Do you think your sister will take over from you now? I really hope she will. I have also moved away and I am glad I love my mum but it is not my job to take care of her and the same is true for you. So try not to feel guilty it seems you have hit that point and after caring for him and putting your life on hold for years you are perfectly entitled to want to take care of your own life and your children rightfully should be your priority.

FlameGrilledMama Tue 09-Nov-10 13:36:24

Right his sister not your sister sorry about that mistake blush

Scruffyhound Tue 09-Nov-10 14:18:12

Im sorry to hear that you may have bipolar. I think that is a hard condition to deal with as well. I hope your coping ok with it. The thing is in this situation you do end up going a bit wierd dare i lable us "mental" yourself. I suffered with depression for years after trying to sort out dad it put a strain on my relationship with my now ex husband. (We did not spilt up because of dad). But it does effect your life and Im sorry to hear its effected yours in that way. I dont want to talk about my stuff all the time was just a general thing to say see if anyone else felt the same or was going through something similar. grin

FlameGrilledMama Tue 09-Nov-10 14:33:09

I am sad you have struggled with depression it is difficult to find a way out once you start feeling depressed. It is going to be difficult coping but I have had this for 10 years and already knew in my heart, so I have been coping that long and now I have help and support I will go on coping hopefully better.

It is hard when you have to look after someone who is mentally ill and it takes a lot out of you, and has a bad effect on your life. particularly when you can see how much pain they are in and cannot help. have you recieved counselling to help you come to terms with your dads illness? as for talking to people going through similar I find it is often a great help to have others who understand, obviously our situations are different but I know how it feels to look after a parent even though I imagine schizophrenia is extremily hard to cope with.I hope some more will be along soon who may have some advice on dealing with your fathers individual problem.

Scruffyhound Wed 10-Nov-10 11:02:32

Thanks very much. It has been tiring and still will be im sure to deal with this. It does take it out of you and a part of you is being pulled all the time and guilt is a big part of it did I do enough? am I doing enough? By that point your ill your self and dont even see it coming! So I really do feel for you. I hope there is someone else that can speak to you. Have you spoken to other people with bipolar? Or people who have had to look after someone?
Your right speaking to people who have had contact with people who are mentally ill is a help. I found no support when I heard the psycologist say the words schizophrenia to me whilst dad was out of the room 15 years ago. I found the social workers wanted to palm their work onto you but did not see this till a lot later on as your just worried about your parent and feel its your duty to do this. I had never been around someone with schizophrenia or knew anything about it there was no support about how dad might react or what may happen. Im sure you found this with your mum. I can remember dad being sectioned and the soclai worker said could I let them into my dads house to take him away to hospital. I said no I cant it was too upsetting and dad may not trust me again. When someone is like that they rely on you and trust you even though their ill there is a little part still there that knows your ok and your not going to hurt or do anything nasty to them. I hope your getting some "me time" and trying to enjoy your life. grin

FlameGrilledMama Wed 10-Nov-10 13:58:54

I have found a lady my age who has bipolar and lives near by so we are going to start meeting up. I think the thing that bothers me most is I know how hard the role of carer is and now my partner has taken on that role. I really hope you manage to find a good solution to help your dad smile. here is a good support group you might want to try it is hard to find other people to support you with schizophrenia because it is one of the rarer mental illness this site is a bit slow but you should get some answers if you are patient HTH smile

Scruffyhound Wed 10-Nov-10 15:50:38

Well your partner is not really a carer. You have been there and even though you not "your self" at times at least you know to get help and are seeking out advice and doing the right thing. Its so much harder when people who are ill are in denial. Thats when the carer really gets the crap end of the stick! So your making it easy and you know how it was for you and you will know how that person feels. And its a partner not a family member so this person chose you. I think that makes a big difference! Thanks for the link will be sure to check it out that very kind of you. grin

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