What do you do to cheer yourself up?

[tammybear]

I am having a tough time at the moment. The last month has been so crazy. I'm on anti-depressants at the moment. The one that helps sleeping as I've been having problems sleeping too. But I've got so much on and few places I can outlet the problems.

Beginning of August, DP's mum went into a coma. She still is. We've been told the worst possible news twice. Now we're just waiting. She's going to be moved to a specialist at some point, but we were told this a few weeks ago, and they have said they don't know when this will be, can be weeks, can be months. Just feels like we're just lingering and nothing's happening, although I'm sure they're trying their best. DP has only just gone back to work a couple of weeks ago but is struggling. He finds it difficult to sleep but he's going to his doctor next week to see what they suggest. He's had to miss a couple of days off work due to not sleeping or just being run down, and I don't want him to get into trouble though they have been really good with him so far.

DP was suppose to move in two weeks ago. But obviously now is not the time because he needs to be close to his family. I understand this, but it's upset me still, though I know he needs to be there. He has had to change his hours at work so he can fit in time to go to the hospital as visiting hours were during his original work hours. I've been finding it hard at home to cope. DD is back to school now so it's a little easier, as during the summer holidays, I had to cope with what was going on as well as try and carry on being a mum and making the summer holidays fun for DD, but a lot of the time I feel like I don't have the energy to do anything.

On top of that I've been trying to start my own business and I have my final year at uni to do starting in less than 2 weeks. I have no idea how I'm gonna cope! We've been set work to do for the first week or two of uni and I'm struggling to keep on top of that, so no idea how things are going to be like when I'm working on my 6000 word dissertation or my portfolio or my final project! I've also had such money problems too. I was told if I didn't pay my rent, which I've been behind on due to only getting tax credits, child benefit and £10 a week maintenance from ex so have had to use some of my housing benefit to just keep me going, not had my student loan since April so that's all gone, and the little extra money has been for DP to go back and to from here to his home or to the hospital, or me going with him or meeting him there etc. Both of us have really struggled for money.

But my relationship with DP is also very strained at times. Most of the time we're okay, but then there are times where we just clash because he's going through an angry phase, or I'm going through stress and can't cope. This past week he has been finding it exceptionally hard as it's hit him that it's been over a month and he's not hopeful, and the realisation that his mum might not be there when we get married or when we have kids etc has hit him. I feel useless because there's nothing I can say or do to help him. It's just such a struggle at the moment that I don't know what I can do. All I know is I need to try and be more positive and to try and get back my energy and do what I need to do. But I feel like I'm stuck in a rut so I'm just really looking to a) get that off my chest and b) find some ways of trying to cheer myself up so I can be in a better state for not just myself, but for DD and DP too.

[ragged]

I don't have as bad as your problems (?maybe) but I am having my own rough week :(. Perhaps I can tag along and bump up and get to see your replies?

[tammybear]

I'm sorry to hear that ragged. Do you want to talk about it?

[Easywriter]

Your situation sounds very hard Tammy bear. I'm no expert but on reading your post I thought you could do with making a bit of time for yourself.

I don't mean some big thing, just go for a walk for half an hour or a run/exercise. The endorphins will give you a feel good boost and half an hour not spent focusing on your worries may help you to work things through (emotionally I mean, the things you just feel rather than decide to feel).

Is this sort of thing possible? Even once or twice a week?

[Earlybird]

How long have you been on the anti-depressants? Are they helping? If not, go back to your doctor and perhaps the medication can be changed/adjusted.

Are you having counselling for your depression? If not, get yourself on a list so you can learn to cope with the feelings instead of simply medicating them.

Things that help me when I feel down:

1. Get outside in the fresh air and daylight/sunshine
   

1. Go for a walk somewhere peaceful and look/listen/appreciate what is around you
   

1. Do a bit of low-key exercise - leisurely bicycle ride, gentle/meditative yoga
   

1. See a friend for a chat/cup of tea/peaceful walk - or make time to do that with your dp.
   

1. Do NOT self-medicate with alcohol
   

1. I'm not hugely religious, but find it can be comforting to read something spiritual and/or go to church
   

1. Make low-key plans for activities with dd - whether a trip to the playground, a visit to a coffee shop for a croissant, swim at a leisure centre, bake cookies, etc. Unless the weather is dreadful, make sure you get outside with her every day.
   

1. Try to live in the moment and take life slowly. Do not obsess about things you can't fix atm - it will only make you feel frustrated, anxious and upset.
   

1. Make sure you shower/bathe every day, fix your hair and make-up, wear clean clothes, etc. Do not sit at home in your pajamas all day.
   

10. Make sure your home is reasonably clean and tidy. Dirt and clutter are depressing.

11. Be patient with, and support your dp. You both have alot to deal with atm, and sniping at/pressurising each other helps neither of you.

Ime, there is no 'grand solution'. Just get through it, and know it will be better eventually.

[Keziahhopes]

Earlybird has a good list there. Things that I find helps are:

1. Keeping a journal, writing things down
   
2. Fresh air, especially in day light and ideally a bit of exercise. Exercise helps raise my mood the most.
   
3. Writing lists of things to do that are achievable and ticking them off
   
4. Planning days when I have nothing on.
   
5. Allowing "me time" even if just 15mins in the bath.
   
6. Eating regular meals, with fruit, veg, protein and dairy and complex carbs.
   
7. Good sleep routing - no tv/work before bed, no caffeine etc.
   
8. Activities when am distressed - such as a magazine to read, soak in bath, scented candle, music on etc.
   
   All the best.

[tammybear]

Thanks guys. In answer to your questions, I've been on anti-depressants for about a month now. They help with the sleeping side of things but I don't think they're helping depression wise as today I've cried at least four times, proper sobbing and not really knowing why except putting it down to the stress of everything. DP keeps telling me to put on a brave face and just get on with it, but it's not really the kind of person I am. I can't do it, maybe for a little bit, but then it catches up on me like it has done today. Oh and I'm also not getting counselling but will ask my GP.

I can do walks when DD is at school. I don't drink so that's not something to worry about. I like the idea of a journal, might start that.

You did make me chuckle Earlybird, as I have spent a bit of time in my pjs. I've been eating lots of snacks and stuff lately, so I've put on weight and can't fit in my jeans. I sometimes have that problem of comfort eating, and then eating more because I'm upset I've lost weight. Trying to be good but it's hard. I use to do Slimming World, and if I could afford it, I would join again so least it was something for me.

Trying my hardest to be okay with DP and to be supportive. But I will go back to my GP to say I don't think the depressant side of things are working.

[Keziahhopes]

Hi,
trying a journal might help. Are you a student, if so you might access counselling from your place of study for free?

Could you still do SW without going to classes for now - such as writing your own foods down if that helped you when doing it, planning your syn items etc? You can get exercise classes on prescription - if you ask your gp... they are very low priced (my friend paid 180p each - and you get your own programme etc worked out, your gp can refer you, for 10 sessions and then another set if it works for you. Think they even have creches! It woudl be for you.

[tammybear]

Thanks Keziahhopes. I know my uni does counselling so will speak to them. I return next Monday so will pop into our student centre whilst there and find out. I find it difficult to stick to the diet when not going to the classes. I do try to keep to it, but then something crops up. But I'll ask my GP about that. It sounds like it would benefit me, as I use to like going to the gym back when I use to work so could afford it, so will ask her about it when I go this week. Thanks.

[Keziahhopes]

tammybear - yes definitely go to Uni Counselling, it will be able to help you. And hope you get the the prescription for health sorted, it may help with self esteem and all sorts of things!

[tammybear]

Thanks. I will definitely do all.

DD has suddenly gotten this obsession of death, and keeps crying randomly saying she doesn't want to die, and doesn't want me to die before her and stuff. I honestly don't know how to deal with this kind of thing, particularly with how things are at the moment.

I've been trying to be a lot more positive, and I found myself yesterday being happy. Took DD out for a snack after school. We both dressed up in dresses, which I very rarely wear, and went into town for a bite to eat, which was fun. So I am taking each day as it comes, and then hopefully once I see my doctor, things will be moving into a good direction.

[Keziahhopes]

Great to hear you were able to share being happy with DD yesterday... your attitude sounds really positive at wanting to move forward. Perhaps something about death in school for dd that has made her reflect on it?

[desiretochange]

Hi everyone, have just recently been diagnosed with depression and love the tips on cheering yourself up on this thread, have printed them out:)

[makemineaginandtonic]

My mum always said that when you are broke/depressed you have to make the most of doing the ordinary things. Like when you have a cup of tea get the nice cup out and make it properly and sit down and have a breather when you drink it, not like me running around the house with it. Or having a nice bath even if its just with shampoo squirted in, but really just making it simple but nice. I have been diagnosed with depression too and sometimes just taking a minute out noticing what you are doing has helped me.

A more understanding husband and well behaved children would help more however......!

[tammybear]

I'm glad this thread is helping others too.

I can't see my GP til next Fri. I'm at uni Mon, Tues and possibly Thurs next week. I find out Mon for sure, so I couldn't fit any other time to go in.

Been finding it really hard since yesterday. I've hardly heard from DP the past couple of days and it's not like I've got anything to really talk to him about, but I just feel extremely lonely even when DD is here. I've got a long list of things I need to do, but when I try and get through them, like making phone calls, no one answers, or something happens which means I can't do it. I've been looking at the work I need to finish for next week and I can't get my head round it and don't know what to do.

[tammybear]

Well I've emailed the counselling centre at my uni today. I had my first day, and during the induction, they spoke about the counselling services they have so took note of the details and waiting to hear back.

Money has all of a sudden become a huge issue. I'm currently receiving £65 a week to live off. That's including food, petrol, bills etc. My rent is covered by housing benefit and I'm exempt from council tax. I'm desperate for my uni loan. I'm behind in paying my bills. I'm just struggling so bad. I've already borrowed £500 from my DP's friend as I received a notice of seeking possession of my home as I was behind in my rent.

To top it off, my mum's just been round, who I don't get on well with anyway, DD hit her toe on something so was screaming the place down, and mum was making it worse, so I ended up breaking down in tears in front of everyone. I also had to go round to her house earlier to take some of her toilet roll because I have no change to buy some!! I just feel really low and pathetic now.