My DS2 is now 12 weeks and healthy. When he was 10 days old he developed viral meningitis and the whole episode is still dominating my thoughts and I still dream about it.
DS was very unsettled overnight and wasn't bf much (on and off the breast all the time). I won't go into the details now, but there was some indecision (from both myself and DH) about what was wrong and if it was more than just wind. I KNEW something was wrong, but let him lead me and didn't follow my instincts. Eventually I took him to A&E after his temp went up to over 37.5. I feel VERY guilty about that and realise I was extremely lucky the outcome was positive (after a hospital stay) and we actually came home with a baby at all.
I can't seem to move on at all and nobody wants to talk about it. I was at the hospital alone during all the initial tests (lumbar puncture, chest x-ray, blood tests etc) as we have a toddler also who DH was looking after, so he doesn't really know the ins and outs of what went on. I don't think he wants to really know either.
How can I debrief from this experience? I feel a real idiot tbh, as I know a lot of people have gone through much worse and not had a positive outcome. I know I'll never get over the guilt and in a way I don't think I deserve to, but I do want to be able to draw a line underneath it and move on.
Can anyone advise if there's anything I can do? I'm on mat leave so not much spare cash atm for private counselling etc.
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Mental health
How to debrief?
5 replies
Mishy1234 · 04/09/2010 16:38
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