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can i give up yet?

(26 Posts)
misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:09:47

Did LVAD training today. writing down that Peter can not be left alone ever with this machine, made it hit home really hard. 3 of us are now trained to sit with him. when i was shown how tio use the hand pump incase the machine ever broke down, omg, i could've cried. i dont want to have the responsibility of keeping his pump going if it ever did stop. i have to pump it 60-80 times a minute. i wont be able to do it. am scared and down.

hunkermunker Fri 19-Aug-05 23:12:54

Oh, sweetheart

Today has been a huge learning curve - think of all the things you didn't know about hearts and hospitals a year, two years, ten years ago - if you'd had to learn it all in one day, you'd be overwhelmed. You have more on your plate than most of us can ever understand - and you're bound to feel snowed under sometimes.

You will be able to do it (if you ever have to, and I hope you don't) - you are stronger than you feel at the moment, I promise.

Loads of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:13:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

aloha Fri 19-Aug-05 23:14:56

You would be able to do it - you are amazing. But you wouldn't want to have to do it. You don't want him to be ill at all. You are all in a horrible, scary and upsetting situation and all your feelings are valid. I think everyone here wishes it would all go away for you. So sorry.

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:15:19

he wont be out for a few more months, and i know that we will be getting loads of support and a direct number to call if things did go wrong. just feel sick about it all.

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:16:54

Message deleted

spursmum Fri 19-Aug-05 23:17:35

I would say something but it would be something to make you laugh which might be a bit innapropriate(sp?) so I'll just send you some virtual hugs instead!

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:24:09

and now dd1 has woke up crying as she misse dme this afternoon. this is tearing my family apart!

hunkermunker Fri 19-Aug-05 23:25:26

I wish there was something else I could do

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:26:16

Message deleted

sparklymieow Fri 19-Aug-05 23:27:36

Come on Misdee!! What do we keep saying??? 2006 will be a better year for you and me!! Keep strong babe!

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:27:44

just keep praying that his recovery carries on as it has, as apparently its normal to go back to ITU several times, and he hasnt yet after almost 7 weeks. the only problem he has really had is a blood clot, and his ICD went off once but thats because of his dodgey heart and not his VAD. once he has recovered, then he can go back on the list, hopefully get a new heart and be home free after that.

hunkermunker Fri 19-Aug-05 23:29:17

He's doing SO well, Misdee - you must be so proud of him!

beetroot Fri 19-Aug-05 23:29:19

Message withdrawn

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:31:52

pure terror doesnt describe it. i feel like i dont want him to come home with the machine.

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:40:48

Message deleted

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:45:37

its this .

they will be wires connected all the time. someone wil lhave to come in to change his dressings every 2days. he can never be left alone not even for 5mins. someone has to be in sight/hearing distance at all time. that somone hasto be trained on the VAD. 99% of the time thatsomeone wil lbe me. i have 3 kids to look after, one is a baby, i have the school run to do, i may not be able to get someone to look after him twice a day during school run times, meanign a whole family outing each time, or for SS to arrange for my kids to go to school via taxi. our bedroom is tiny, the machine needs to be plugged into the mains, and will be ticking constantly through the night. it makes his body and the bed shake. i'm worried the kids wil ltrip over the wires.

loads more stuff running through my head.

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:47:51

Message deleted

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:49:09

this siant transplant. transplant will be a walk in the park after this. this is a brdge to transplant as he was running outof death. they didnt expect him to survive the LVAD op.

beetroot Fri 19-Aug-05 23:49:21

Message withdrawn

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:50:59

we dont have room beetroot. we have a small 3 bed bungalow. am just hoping SS will egt their finger sout and sort something for when he is discharged.

spod Fri 19-Aug-05 23:51:50

Message deleted

misdee Fri 19-Aug-05 23:55:15

thats ok spod. before al lthis i dint have a clue tbh.

Aero Fri 19-Aug-05 23:59:46

Keep strong misdee - you're doing brilliantly and you will be able to do this because you have to. You will find the strength you need from somewhere within and in a while what you're learning now won't seem so complicated. I do understand what you must feel about the responsibility though.

misdee Sat 20-Aug-05 00:15:43

we have to take a spare machine with us on days out as well. good job we got a car with large boot.

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