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How do I get unstuck please? Need to lose weight but keep sabotaging myself and feel like I’m my own worst enemy.

(43 Posts)
Losingtheplot01 Fri 01-Nov-19 21:57:00

Hello everyone

I was just wondering how you got started on 5:2 and if anyone had a mental tug of war between eating stuff you shouldn’t vs not eating it, how you got over that?

By way of background I did 5:2 by following the threads on here a while ago and list about 20lbs... slowly but surely,

Then I fell off the wagon and my weight has been slowly creeping back so I’m back to an overall loss of only 10lbs.

I’m excellent at putting weight on but mentally feel stuck. I know what I should do, I know it works, I know I’ll feel better and I know it’s good for me and I know I’ll look in the mirror and feel
Slightly better.

I can do a day of not eating but when it comes to eating I can’t seem to stop. So I will go a whole day as I find that easier than having smaller meals thru the day but once I start I seem to autopilot eat rubbish and sugary stuff. And then I feel bad and tell myself I will tomorrow only to repeat the same thing or cave in and eat earlier.
I have been mostly doing16:8 for months but the stuff I’m eating isn’t helping and the weight is creeping back.

I think I am self sabotaging but not sure why.

I also wonder if there is something else wrong with me. I seem to spend most days sitting and watching tv or Netflix. Mostly watch cookery programs and spend the days saying get up and walk or move or do something but I feel stuck.

In have suffered from depression in the past and also have anxiety. I feel thoroughly frumpy but can’t seem to use that to spur me on. It’s almost as if I am defeated by lunchtime in my previous evenings determination to do better the next day.

I had yet another summer of wearing jeans on the beach on holiday ... in the heat of the summer we’ve just had and I am determined every autumn to not have another ‘fat’ and grumpy summer next year.

I know I can do this and I know the health reasons are beneficial but the sugar addiction and laziness/apathy or whatever it is just get in the way.

I have about 30lbs to lose and reading everyone’s results in the5:2 thread are inspiring but why am I so stuck.?

I am slightly sick of myself for not being able to do this. I am 51 and have been like this for years. The 20lbs I lost was slow and over say 3 or 4 years but i know I could do it more quickly if I just did it...

I am posting on here as hoping for some kind support. I feel very pathetic and can’t seem to get unstuck. Hoping for some words of wisdom or insight into how to get past this and to want to do this for myself. Is it a lack of self love or depression or what?

Thank you in advance and sorry if I sound ridiculous. Maybe I need some tough love or maybe I need professional help.

OP’s posts: |
EssentialHummus Fri 01-Nov-19 22:00:57

once I start I seem to autopilot eat rubbish and sugary stuff.

Very simply, don’t have it in the house.

Losingtheplot01 Fri 01-Nov-19 22:09:06

Thanks EssentialHummus
I have stuff in for the kids and sugar for baking so there’s always stuff in the house.

If. On the odd occasion there isn’t, I buy it and eat it on the way home and sometimes don’t even realise I’ve done that until I see the empty pack. It’s like a lack of awareness...

i feel pathetic writing that down but just trying to be honest with myself and on here as maybe seeing it written down will make me realise.

OP’s posts: |
Losingtheplot01 Fri 01-Nov-19 22:11:18

I’ve thought about sticking post it. It’s on cupboards and jars to remind myself to not eat whatever .... maybe that would work for the mindless eating..confused

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Fri 01-Nov-19 22:20:06

How long has it been since you’ve had a full health check up? I’d start with that just to make sure there are no underlying issues

Some counselling might be a good idea too given your history of anxiety.
On a practical level can you try finding some foods that aren’t rubbish but that you love and replace the sugar with these. Frame it in your mind as a positive thing not negative. Things like grapes (frozen are good as they last longer) olives. Try some yummy salads.
Try some utube yoga when you are at home eg yoga with Adrienne sarabeth yoga or boho beautiful are all free. A lot of the videos are only 20-30 minutes, just pick one that fits the time you have.

It sounds like you don’t work. Can you find other ways to fill your time rather than tv. Volunteering? If it would be hard for you to make a regular commitment maybe just visits at a local care home? Sign up to borrow my doggy and take sone dogs for a walk. Good for you and hugely helpful to the owners.
And you don’t sound pathetic, you just sound a bit lost and unsure. That’s ok.

Good luck

Losingtheplot01 Fri 01-Nov-19 22:48:39

Thank you Rainbow... that’s a helpful reply.

I have an autoimmune thyroid condition but it’s under control with tablets. Maybe a health check could be a good idea. I was never offered the one at 40 so maybe I’m due one.

‘Lost’ is a good word actually. I feel I have so much information in my head that I sometimes confuse myself.

The yoga dvds sound good, I do try things but the ‘what’s the point’ voices in my head often win or maybe I’m afraid of hard work.

Years ago I did succeed at losing weight and getting fitter so I know I can do it... and your suggestions are helpful and very much appreciated. Thank you again xx

OP’s posts: |
Kevintherootvegetable Fri 01-Nov-19 22:59:24

Ok, I have history of eating disorders. It's been a huge struggle for me to change my ways and control myself around food. One thing that really helped me was equating foods that I know aren't nutritious or healthy with pain.
I feel shit after eating shit. I beat myself up, I feel disgusting and lethargic, I hate myself. Pain. If I were to reach for a bag of crisps, I'd stop and think of those horrible feelings. I choose not to eat those crisps.
It's hard initially, but it gets easier and becomes automatic.
Disciple = freedom- that's my mantra.

Losingtheplot01 Fri 01-Nov-19 23:31:38

Sounds like you’ve had a tricky time Kevin but I’m glad you’ve found a way of dealing with having an ED. You’re way of framing sounds like such a good idea. Maybe I can try that as lots of the stuff I eat doesn’t sit well.
Thank you for replying and I appreciate you sharing your experience. Hugs xx

OP’s posts: |
thenewaveragebear1983 Sat 02-Nov-19 20:25:17

Following with interest

I am a terrible for self sabotage. I currently am really struggling with it. I feel like I've lost all my strength to fight it so I just think sod it and eat rubbish.

October has been the worst month in a long time for me. I really need to get my head back in gear for November. I know for me that the first step has to be no sugar and very low carbs. As soon as I cut them out of my diet my willpower increases hugely.

I also am a sahm and I'm very bored. I need something actually challenging or at least occupying to do- that's not cleaning or 'sorting' stuff but an actual challenging project

I run a lot and that's the only thing that keeps my weight down.

There's a hypnosis thread on here with some links to hypno recordings for bingeing which I am going to try this week.

Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 11:48:43

Hello Thenewwave. Good luck to you on trying to work this out/get unstuck.
I am a sane person and apart from bouts of depression I am quite logical but this thing is and always has confused me to the point of a mental blockage.
I managed to fast all day yesterday but I was out so when I finally had something to eat I chose a piece of cake and a cup of tea. I can’t remember if I enjoyed the cake but it felt good.

Sweet food is a comfort to me but I think maybe it’s an addiction as although I worry about my health it seems to be forgotten when the eating floodgates open.

I am writing this down and as I am it’s helping me realise that this is an issue and maybe as someone suggested up thread I should get some counselling.

I was working until recently. So maybe I need to find something else to busy myself with but the fundamental issue is still there.. just temporarily parked until I get home or stop working.

The hypnosis thread sounds interesting so will look that up.

Wishing you well and hope you find something that works for you. I’m guessing there’s no one size fits all answer to this as we are all a product of the things we’ve experienced.

Thanks for replying and in a way it’s nice to know I’m Not the only one trying to figure this out xx

OP’s posts: |
thenewaveragebear1983 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:18:21

Losingtheplot I think it's surprisingly more common than you might think. Most women I know have some sort of issue with food and control. I think as well because we are conditioned to associate our food consumption with our 'attractiveness'/beauty/weight, when we do give into our cravings the impact is greater. My bathroom scales are literally sometimes the deciding factor as to whether I have a good day or not.

Isn't that ridiculous though?? I'm a sensible intelligent woman. I hate being so under the control of something so trivial. I think that's where hypnosis can help, because it helps unpick those very deep rooted beliefs we have about food.

I think my self sabotage comes from almost thinking - I could spend all day fighting this, or I could just give in now and then it's done. I know it's going to happen. I might as well just do it. What I'm brilliant at is drawing a line and making a plan for tomorrow- so if I eat the biscuits now, then I can make a really detailed plan for the week ahead.

It's definitely for me a control issue. I can control my food but in a negative way (as in, I can control my self sabotage, I can be in charge of when I do it) - it sounds backwards writing it out but it makes sense to me.
If I resist and then binge, it's not controlled. I try and avoid that at all costs because binges are worse (in my opinion) than 'allowing myself' something,

(As always, credit to my mother for my absolutely f**ed up relationship with food)

nellyitsme Sun 03-Nov-19 12:45:31

Hi @Losingtheplot01 I know what you're talking about, I'm terrible for starting diets then giving up after a day. I'm great at making plans for my new regime that go nowhere and I'm always searching for the holy grail - the one diet that will get the weight off me. I flit from one diet to another eg IF to intuitive eating eat what I want when I want, low carb the Mediterranean diet etc etc despite all this I'm still two stone overweight.

Maybe you have to look at things in a different way and don't beat yourself up so much as you're just perpetuating your sense of being a failure. Perhaps you need to look for other ways around things. I too wonder if I've got low level depression but it's chicken and the egg - I'm I depressed because I'm fat or fat because I'm depressed

Fasting doesn't work for everyone, it has and does work for many many people, my DH included - he's maintained his weight since 2013. I don't seem able to keep to a fast and I panic that I might feel hungry and I seem to rebound by eating more on the non fast days and more rubbish type foods - I know I'm being perverse and cheating on myself.

I got diagnosed with a hiatus hernia earlier this year plus a suspected ulcer and the advice from the hospital said don't miss meals and eat small frequent meals so I don't fast although when/ if I get lose some weight I may try a version of fasting to maintain the loss.

I'm trying to make small steps and setting myself a target of upping the exercise - just simple do-able things like walking for 10-15 mins Each day or getting on my bike and going a mile up the road and back. You could look at increasing your exercise and you may feel more positive and motivated. You could focus on quality not quantity- eating good quality healthy food and reduce your portion sizes.

I realise that I get a flare up of my digestive symptoms if I eat too much sugar and carbs and I've tried to just eat what I want and to be able to sit in cafes having cake and coffee, etc and it catches up with me so I'm accepting that if I want to feel well and healthy and have a healthy old age I'm going to have to take care of myself.

So that is how I'm looking at things: devising my own plan, small steps, focus on health and exercise and then maybe, gradually I will lose weight and I can work on ways of increasing the weight loss as I start to feel better and slimmer.

Good luck

bridgetreilly Sun 03-Nov-19 20:58:24

I found the single most motivating and empowering thing was actually reading one of Michael Mosley's books. For me that was the Blood Sugar Diet, but you also might want to look at the Fast800. Understanding your body better, understanding food better, getting the case studies not just of people losing weight but actually having quantifiable improvements in their health - reversing diabetes, overcoming infertility etc etc. And then meal plans that are achievable and easy.

Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 22:51:26

Thenewwave

^ I think my self sabotage comes from almost thinking - I could spend all day fighting this, or I could just give in now and then it's done. I know it's going to happen. I might as well just do it. What I'm brilliant at is drawing a line and making a plan for tomorrow- so if I eat the biscuits now, then I can make a really detailed plan for the week ahead. ^

Omg! Are you me?

Thank you again for your reply. It is good to k ow it’s common.. sometimes I feel ridiculous that I can’t just stop eating rubbish or over eating.
I feel uncomfortable after I do but I repeat offend again and again and I don’t realise I’m doing it sometimes and at others it’s exactly what you said. If I eat today I can be good tomorrow.

Ive always had a big appetite and I think I have no ‘off’ switch which tells me I am full, I often feel ill after eating and vow never to do it to myself again but I do.

It’s that that I need to control I think. I don’t even always enjoy what I’m eating but the act of eating feels good I guess. Otherwise why bother?

It sounds like you’ve worked out what you need to do and I really hope you crack it and get success with feeling better and that it becomes a new normal For you.

Your replies have made me feel a bit better about myself so thank you for sharing xx

OP’s posts: |
Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 22:53:15

Ps... I am in awe that you run. That’s so good. I am trying to get close to 10000 steps a day again and some days I don’t and other days I do... so trying to baby step my way into that habit.

OP’s posts: |
AuntyElle Sun 03-Nov-19 22:58:31

I have read that intermittent fasting is not advisable with autoimmune thyroid disease. I’ll try to find where. Also, it is not the solution for everyone, it can trigger a starve/binge mentality which just makes your relationship with food worse.

Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 23:07:11

Hi nellyitsme

I could have written some of your post. I too have tried various things and can get really into it but get a few weeks in and realise the weight has not shifted or got stuck and lose the momentum really quickly.

I don’t often notice any benefits either... like feeling better or better skin or whatever it is that others report. I wonder if that’s why it’s so easy to fall off the wagon? I suppose I have noticed when my clothes have felt a bit looser but I still feel rather frumpy so maybe that mental perception of
Myself is another factor.

My digestion also suffers with what I eat and I am uncomfortable and have ins type symptoms that can be so bad that if we are out for the day, I won’t eat, just in case things don’t sit well with me.

I once did three 5:2 fast days in a row and after that I did feel better and had a bit of relief from digestive issues and a bit of mental clarity. I don’t know how I managed that tho so haven’t managed 2 fast days a week in a long while. On days where I almost succeed I tend to convince myself what’s the point and then eat and seem unable To stop.

It is good to read what had worked to help you get control of the self Sabotaging aspects. Maybe the fact that I also have discomfort after eating is a thing that I can try and remind myself of.

Your plan sounds like a good sensible way forward. I really appreciate you sharing your own story. It’s hard writing stuff down knowing it sounds a bit crazy. But thank you. It’s helpful
To read what you go through and how you’re
Dealing with it. I wish you lots of luck and hope the new small steps add up and that they become a new normal.

I watched a ted talk by a woman who despite losing lots of weight and being unrecognisable, found it hard to accept that people saw her as the slimmer version of herself as in her head she still thought she was much bigger. I think the mental battle is real and that’s as big a part of this as the losing of pounds.
Xxx

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Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 23:09:30

Hello Bridgetreilly

Thank you and I will Def look at those books. I
Love Michael Mosley and think he has such an easy way of explaining things that it will be worth it.

I’ve not heard of Fast800 so will check that out.

Thank you so much xx

OP’s posts: |
Losingtheplot01 Sun 03-Nov-19 23:16:37

AuntyElle... really?shock
I haven’t seen anything about that so if you cold share that would be much appreciated. I thought with all the health benefits it was a good option for me.

It has worked for me in the past but I’m struggling to get back onto it. I think the main issue for me is the underlying ‘why?’ I eat as Much as I do.

So if I get into the headspace first doing a fast day and losing the weight, I’m only dealing with the symptom and not the cause....

I need to deal with both don’t I? To make the changes permanent. I was recently 51 and part of me I think is resistant to starting cause I know it’ll unravel again and I really want to sort this out properly so that it becomes a new way of eating.

When I do manage fast days I don’t find them too difficult on a good day. But in a bad day eating a but tends to open the floodgates and I go into shovel mode.

It sounds totally ridiculous but it’s true.

Thank you for your help too xx

OP’s posts: |
bridgetreilly Mon 04-Nov-19 09:18:29

Ive always had a big appetite and I think I have no ‘off’ switch which tells me I am full, I often feel ill after eating and vow never to do it to myself again but I do.

That sounds like carb-cravings to me. I don't think you need intermittent fasting, which can actually encourage more binge-eating. I think you need to cut out carbs. That is what reset my appetite so that I could tell when I was full and when I was hungry, and realise that actually, it's okay to be hungry for an hour or so before dinner. But eating carbs just makes you crave more carbs, and that's what's impossible to resist, even if you have already eaten too much.

Losingtheplot01 Mon 04-Nov-19 11:35:36

That’s interesting Bridget... did you do LCHf?

OP’s posts: |
KatyCarrCan Mon 04-Nov-19 11:44:01

I think it's a vicious circle. Eating the wrong food makes you more apathetic so you eat more of the wrong foods, ad infinitum. At least that's what it feels like for me. Having an unstructured day definitely doesn't help either.
Sadly I don't have any solutions. I did the BSD and lost lots of weight, felt fab but then had an accident, my working schedule changed and I've slowly put on everything I'd lost.

Losingtheplot01 Mon 04-Nov-19 11:56:59

Sorry to hear you had an accident Katy. Hope your okay and I guess if you know you listen right once that you can again, when you’re ready.

I think you’re right about the vicious circle.

I have a strange relationship with food if I’m honest. I used to be much better with it but have a child with multiple sever allergies to lots of everyday foods so now view food as something not as good as maybe I once thought it was.

We don’t eat out or travel much and food is always a consideration for anything and everything. We also avoid lots of the allergenic foods in the house so although I love eating I don’t necessarily enjoy anything about it.

I’m not drop feeding btw.. just realising maybe that I need to start viewing food as my friend and. Not the enemy

Thanks for your reply and I will look at the blood sugar diet. Xxx

OP’s posts: |
Losingtheplot01 Mon 04-Nov-19 12:22:06

*You’re

OP’s posts: |
nellyitsme Mon 04-Nov-19 16:26:35

Hi @Losingtheplot01 you're getting some good advice that's hopefully helping you think things though for yourself.

I wonder if your relationship with food has become dysfunctional, like many of us, I know mine is as I spent many years cutting out various foods for health issues and starving myself to be skinny, my sister is always going on about her looks her size and shape and was always making me feel self conscious and it's no surprise that her daughter, my niece become bulimic.

Sorry to hear of Your situation with your child, it must be hard on you all and I imagine food is very emotive in your house, good /bad, right/wrong, etc etc. Maybe you should forget fasting and just focus on eating good quality home cooked, unprocessed food, no sweets or rubbish. And, if like me, you can't recognise hunger or fullness (I was called hollow-legs by my family asa skinny teenager as I'd just eat and eat) eat at 3 or 4 hourly intervals and aim for 3 meals and a snack. Don't think about fasting in the early stages - you can always progress to that later on once you've established your new eating plan. Also operate an 80/20 rule, so you factor in some treats - I love some dark choc or crisps or cake, so I allow myself these under my 20% rule

Like others have said, read Micheal Mosley's books. I get a lot from reading posts on here and webpages and forums - there's a fast800 forum and a BSD one too

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