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AIBU in asking DH to book a vasectomy?

(6 Posts)
NamechangeAIBU Wed 13-Jun-18 12:46:25

I know this isn't in AIBU but I'm feeling fragile and as the name suggests I've name changed for this.

We're a mid 30's couple with 5 children. 1 with significant disabilities that mean we're in hospital for long stays for at least 3 months a year on and off.

I have exhausted all option of contraception available to me, mine and my family history means I can't have a combined hormone method or a copper coil and anything progesterone only based leaves me very unwell both physically and mentally.
Currently we're using condoms, they have failed a number of times, twice resulting in pregnancy, ( 1 healthy baby and 1 miscarriage)
I have asked to be sterilised but 2 doctors have now told me that not a doctor in the land will sterilise me due to my previous health.

Now here's they thing.
The thought of having another child leaves me with such a huge level of fear I can't begin to explain. I love my kids but I'm 100% sure I don't want another, it would destroy me mentally wen if my body could carry another to term.
Every month on the run up to my period my anxiety levels about it skyrocket and I end up spending £££ on tests and crying/shaking/vomiting at the fear a condom may have failed again.

I spoke to DH about this and came clean about how bad it was making me every month.
He was quick to say he'd have a vasectomy as he was keen to keep me sane and continue a sexy life.

However, 4 months down the line (4 months of me getting progressively obsessed with not being pregnant blush) he's not mentioned it. When I brought it up he said that after researching he was concerned about possible side effects of it.

So now we're here an today I've walked over an hour to get to a pharmacy for a pregnancy test, I'm late and the anxiety has tipped me over the edge. The fed was negative which I'm relieved at but I realise now this can't continue.

That leaves me in the position of saying to DH that I don't feel we can continue having sex without better contraception. Which I know is me saying, no vasectomy, no sex. sad
I don't want to be that person, it's DH's body and it it's his choice to get it done but I really can't cope anymore like this every month.

user00890 Wed 13-Jun-18 19:52:08


SantaClauseMightWork Wed 13-Jun-18 20:02:00

I think you have done enough by getting pregnant, taking all the risks that come with it, miscarriage and the side effects and physical health issues you are facing.

Quartz2208 Wed 13-Jun-18 20:03:39

in your specific situation and the fact its causing you such anxiety and he said he would - no I dont think you are

QuietNinjaTardis Wed 13-Jun-18 20:05:48

I don’t understand why they won’t sterilise you? Don’t answer if it’s too private, is it to do with your health?
I’ve been sterilised because my dh was to much of a wuss to get the snip and I wouldn’t have forced him so I got the job done myself but if you cannot be sterilised and it’s affecting your mental health then I’d be having strict words with your dh and marching him to get it booked in. Letting you work yourself in to a state every month is just cruel. I’d be getting a bit bossy if I was in your situation.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Jun-18 20:11:30

That leaves me in the position of saying to DH that I don't feel we can continue having sex without better contraception. Which I know is me saying, no vasectomy, no sex.

With your history, that's perfectly reasonable. If I was doing something that resulted in that kind of anxiety, I would stop doing it.

There are plenty of other things you can do together that don't involve PIV so it's not like you're denying him all sexual contact.

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