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Pregnant and don't want to be

(2 Posts)
KitKatKittyKay Mon 06-Nov-17 21:02:00

Hi all,
I've name changed for this. I don't know what I want just advice I guess.
I'm breastfeeding my toddler and only got my period back in July. It's been irregular since but I've always used bc.
Long story short, I did a test today and I am pregnant. I don't want to be. There are so many reasons. I can't afford the childcare and maternity pay. I have credit cards I need to pay off. Hubby and I were considering moving. I really enjoy spending time with my toddler and I dread the thought of having a newborn. My husband will not be happy about the pregnancy. I know he won't. We're not in a great place at the moment and I know that this will add strain.
I have booked in for a termination consultation this week but I feel conflicted. Not about having the baby but about whether or not I should tell my husband.
I was all set to do it on my own but then I saw him after work and I feel deceitful for just considering it.
I've just read about medical terminations and where some people experienced the equivalent of a heavy period some where I'll and bleeding heavily for days. I have no way to hide this from him.
I really don't know what to do. I feel terrible. I also worry that I'll start getting pregnancy symptoms before the termination.
I have no friends or family I can go
to for help. I would literally have to do it on my own and I don't know if I can.

Honey2468 Wed 08-Nov-17 08:44:24

Aww no, what a difficult position to be in. I have never had a termination so I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice on this. With regards to your husband, you have said yourself you cannot hide this from him. In my experience a man would be more hurt if you did not tell them, even if it is just so they feel they have a chance to wrap there head around things before a “no going back” type of decision is made. You have said in your situation he would not want another baby at the moment either so he is unlikely to try and talk you out of your decision. Once he has also came to terms with the situation you might even find he can support you and I imagine at some point through the process you will end up needing support. If you don’t tell him now and then get upset later he will know something is wrong and find out anyways. Do you really want to keep such a big secret from your husband of all people anyways ? I think it would be even more of a strain on your relationship than there already is with this hanging over your head.
Also, while I understand he will not be happy about the pregnancy, neither are you and you are having to deal with it like a grown up. It was obviously an accident which you didn’t do by yourself and you shouldn’t feel you have to carry all of the burden by yourself. You have a wee one already, you have your reasons and you have nobody else for support. I know if it was my husband, no matter what state our relationship was in he would always be more upset that I kept something like this to myself (and probably hurt that I felt I couldn’t go to him). In my experience thing like this catch up with you later on (emotionally) as we are in over drive at the time to deal with the situation and nothing gets processed until later. Of course it is your decision in the end. I’m really sorry you are in this position and I hope you recover quickly And receive the support you need, all the very best x

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