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Urgent help please, conflicted and confused

(5 Posts)
FeelLikeAlice Mon 30-Nov-15 10:37:58

Hope i'm posting in the right topic, i don't normally stray from chat but don't think i can discuss this there. NC because my previous posts could identify me and i don't want anyone in RL knowing about this.

Yesterday we had a contraception malfunction. Rather unfortunately it also turns out it's my ovulation window. I'm now faced with the decision of whether or not to take a MAP, and i can't bring myself to do it. Ultimately if inwere to get pregnant we would survive, the child would be loved, it wouldn't be a disaster. But there are a whole host of reasons having a child in 9 months wouldn't be ideal-
1) I have a job, but don't qualify for SMP, only MA, and not very much at that
2) I have a 14 month old, would be 2yrs old, i'm not sure i could cope with 2 right now
3) i've only recently started my new job and don't want to piss them off
4) I would have to return to work at 3 months PP. I want to bf, but i can't be guaranteed expressing breaks. I work 2 days a week.
5) i would need a double buggy, not sure i can afford one and have spent a decent amount on the first buggy. Though happy to buy second hand
6) dc would need to be moved to a bed to free the cot, is this even possible at 24 months?
7) it would likely be an august baby. Having watched a close relative struggle with being an august baby we always said we wouldn't plan for august.
8) i would be a heavily pregnant bridesmaid in summer, and wouldn't be allowed to take part in most of the hen activities

Despite all this, the fact i always support a woman's right to choose (and still do, despite how i'm feeling now) and knowing the MAP is not an abortion, i can't shake the feeling that in taking the MAP i could be ending something that was meant to be. DH is not being helpful, saying it's very unlikely i would get pregnant, which i know is true, but i could, and i just don't know what to do.

I feel like i just want someone to tell me to take the pill or not to.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Mon 30-Nov-15 10:54:18

Take it. Like you say it isn't an abortion (I'm very much pro choice anyway but it really isn't an abortion).

The only reason not to would be if you would secretly quite like another baby now.

ovenchips Mon 30-Nov-15 11:09:52

If you don't want another child at this point, which you certainly don't seem to, given that you were using contraception and have a fairly compelling list of cons, then taking a MAP at this point (and remember the sooner the better for MAP) seems like a much easier decision for you than the route of not taking it, getting a +hpt in a fortnight and considering a termination/ having a child when all those cons are still on your list.

If, as in your post, you want someone to tell you to take the MAP or not, I would say take it. Take control of your fertility and insofar as we are ever able to control the timing, if you do want to have another child, plan to have one when it's best for you.

FeelLikeAlice Mon 30-Nov-15 22:55:00

Thank you for your responses. I took the pill. I get all misty eyed when i think about babies. I think i wanted someone to tell me my reasons were silly, that they weren't valid reasons at all. But i needed someone to tell me that right now, another baby isn't a good idea.

Of course there is still a chance that i could get pregnant, and if i do then it was meant to be.

ovenchips Mon 30-Nov-15 23:03:56

Thanks for update OP. Glad you took action - I always think it feels better to do something rather than let things happen by default.

Hope MAP does its thing and if it doesn't, sounds like you have decided you'd be able to deal with a pregnancy.

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