dh wanting me to be sterilized...

[Pendipidy]

Hi., i am 41 and have two kids with my dh. He has 3 others with 2 other women (may not be relevant).
I do not want any more kids and neither does he . He is not happy about having vasectomy because he doesn't want to go through the pain.

I do not want major surgery having either a hysterectomy or being sterilized. His argument for either or both is that my periods are abnormal and it would solve two problems at once.

My periods i would say are pretty normal. I have moderate pain on the first day or two and then bearable tummy ache for the next couple of days. Maybe once every six months i get more pain but i almost always carry on looking after dc and house etc.
On those days if he is home i appreciate lying in bed for a couple of hours while pain killers take effect and just taking it easy that day. If he is not home , i just carry on as normal. They are not so bad that i can't.

Can you guys please let me know what your periods are like and if not you think he is being unreasonable always suggesting this.
I would have put this in AIBU but i couldn't find it!
I Will show my dh the replies., if any!

I just can't see the point in me having such major surgery because he is being a wuss.!

[Helpyourself]

Mine are like yours.
Your DH sounds awful. Sorry.

[Dilidali]

Perhaps see a gynae?
From what you say, you're not exactly jumping at the surgery idea, so end of discussion, no sterilisation!
Don't let anybody pressurise you into doing anything you feel unconfortable with. Xx

[meditrina]

Hysterectomy isn't a usual treatment for period pain, and sterilisation will make no difference to it.

Vasectomy isn't necessarily a pain-free option (on going testicular pain is a known side effect), but the operation is much less invasive.

Vasectomy is also more reliable - as long as you wait for the proper all clear, the failure rate is about 1:2000, compared to 1:200 for female sterilisation.

[LoopyLooplaHoop]

What Annie said.

[hermioneweasley]

What Annie said. Or he could abstain from sex. What type of arsehole pressures the person they are supposed to love into major abdominal surgery for their convenience?

[DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow]

Sterilisation is a pretty big op, vasectomy is in and out of hospital in the space of 3 hours.

Your DH sounds dreadful - almost like he's trying to bully you into surgery... A hysterectomy - WTF?? No doctor is going to recommend a hysterectomy based on what you've described.

[DeepRedBetty]

Your periods sound well in the normal range. I seriously doubt any gynaecologist would recommend sterilisation just for that. In which case the only reason to have the op would be birth control. So since the op for him would be far less invasive and have a far shorter recovery time, it should be him.

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

Your DH sounds like a completely selfish prick and we would not be needing to worry about contraception - what with him moving out and all.

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

Oh and your periods - sounds well within the range of fucking annoying but normal :)

[InLoveWithDavidTennant]

i wish i had periods like yours. mine can last anywhere from 1 week up to 6 weeks. can be so heavy that after 20 mins my jeans will be soaked through. they are generally very painful... sometimes so painful that i cant move at all. strong pain killers barely touch them. we've also been ttc for 4 years but thats another topic!

like annie said... you've had 2 babies and yet he cant cope with a bit of pain? typical!

[AnythingNotEverything]

What Annie said

Plus he's a selfish arse.

[Guadalupe]

You'd still have periods after sterilisation wouldn't you? So he means a hysterectomy if you are going to 'solve two problems'.

A hysterectomy is MAJOR invasive surgery. I've had one aged 30. They are not for family planning or moderately painful periods. You can have all sorts of problems afterwards and even if you keep your ovaries you are likely to have the menopause 5-10 years earlier according to my consultant. Sometimes they go into shock and you have instant menopause. Then you'd be stuck with HRT decisions.

So, no, tell him hysterectomy is not an option to save him any pain from a minor op! Even if it's dressed up as helping your periods, Which don't sound that unusual tbh.

It doesn't mean he HAS to have it either, the point is no-one should try to persuade their partner to have surgery. Tell him he's being an idiot.

[MooseBeTimeForSpring]

Have you shown your DH this thread yet OP? If it looks like an arse and sounds like an arse ....

[TheOrchardKeeper]

God, this thread has made of irationally angry! My mum just had a hysterectomy and it's risky and horrible after.

Either he has the snip or you use other methods. You shouldn't have any surgery, small or not that you don't feel fully up for.

[K8Middleton]

What Annie said. If my dh was ever to be such a monumental prick I would be strongly suggesting I do a DIY vesectomy... without anasethic.

Sterilisation won't make any difference to your periods but a mirena IUD might. My GP says it is more effective than steralisation and it isn't permanent. Also the NHS don't just whip wombs out for contraceptive reasons

I'm favouring you approach him brandishing a large pair of pinking shears and the offer to make the tattered edges pretty

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Id seriously be fuming he even suggested it to save himself the pain. Especially after having his bloody kids!

[TheRealFellatio]

Tell him to stop wingeing and get a vasectomy, if he's that bothered. Bloody cheek.

[Sheshelob]

Surely HE is the one who should draw a line under the procreation, what with the collection of babymamas he has accumulated for himself.

He is either being a wimp or keeping his options open, both of which are pathetic.

[heidihole]

Vasectomy is a straight forward in and out operation.

Hysterectomy is a major operation, invasive and with more risks.

No brainer for me - a women has gone through enough after giving birth it should be the man who gets 'done'

[meditrina]

If he's concerned about the immediate post-operative pain, then he probably should be told to snap out of it and rely on painkillers. If however he has read up on PVSA and is concerned about being in the 10% of men who suffer this, then he is less likely to be persuadable.

[FairPhyllis]

Your periods are well within the range of normal, and yes, you'd have to have a hysterectomy for them to stop, which would not normally be a part of a sterilization operation anyway.

Your DH otoh is comfortably within the range of 'monumental selfish arsehole'. It's unbelievable that someone could be so selfish as to think putting their partner through such a big operation was a viable alternative to using condoms or having the snip.

And dressing it up as somehow being a benefit to you (which it wouldn't be anyway!) - vile.

I'd do it on him myself with a pair of gardening secateurs and some fishing line for the stitches.

[meditrina]

Sorry - got the alphabet soup wrong - I meant PVPS. Search for posts by TheFuzz to see what an effect it can have.