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How to find help for DS with SN for using condoms? (The practical side)

(9 Posts)
Bogeyface Sun 26-Jun-11 22:18:14

He has a physical disability that means that he cant use his left hand/arm. He has recently started his first proper relationship and they will be having sex soon. We have discussed this, he is happy to talk to me about it (he is 20 btw). But, due to his limited physical ability he is a bit worried that he wont be able to put the condoms on himself and he seems a bit embarrassed about it. I suspect he may have practised and struggled with it. I have told him that its ok for his GF to do it but although she is a little bit older, from what he said she doesnt seem to be much more knowledgeable than him, and I dont want them to get in a fuss with it and it to spoil this for them. They are both really sensible and caring, and they have both waited until they are ready and this should be a really special thing for them, it would be a shame if it was ruined with struggling with the contraception. I do think that his GF would be cool about it if he asks her to do it but I get the feeling that he thinks he should be able to do it for himself.

So....any ideas where we can go for more information for him to look at himself, or with her, so that they can sort it out? He has already said that he wants to use condoms and definitely doesnt want to risk STI or pregnancy, which I am very pleased about, but he really could do with some help with the practicalities of it!

CheerfulYank Sun 26-Jun-11 22:22:41

It would seem like the sort of thing he could to with one hand if he practiced, maybe? There really is nothing wrong with her doing to for him, though. Sorry I'm of no practical help at all...but I think it's great he's thinking it out so well.

Sidge Sun 26-Jun-11 22:27:32

They can be applied one handed after a bit of practice. But he may need help opening the packet - tell him don't use his teeth!!

I think he has a couple of options - some areas have a Youth Outreach CASH team (Contraception And Sexual Health) who may be able to provide some 2-1 education and advice; a nurse could advise your DS and his partner. They can bring condoms and applicators (basically a plastic 'penis') to practice on. You could contact them through your local health services - they're usually listed as CASH, Family Planning (less so now) or are allied to GU medicine.

Bogeyface Sun 26-Jun-11 22:31:19

thanks Yank smile

Tbh, I suspect that at the crucial time they will work it out between them and it will be fine but he does have issues with the things he cant do and this is a biggy for him I think! He hates asking for help at the best of times, so I can see why he wants to be able to do this for himself. I did tell him, as did DH, that getting used to putting them on is a bit of a job for men with 2 working hands and that he will soon get used to it. Hopefully he will be fine, but I wondered if there was any information about sex lives for the disabled that might be able to help. I have looked but cant find anything about this specifically.

As an aside, its DH that has the biggest issue here. He cant get his head around a 20 year old discussing sex with his mum! He would rather chop his own feet off than do that, but as I pointed out, that explains everything......grin

Bogeyface Sun 26-Jun-11 22:32:29

Thank you Sidge, I never thought of going down the obvious route!

I will let him know that they may be able to help him and get the number for them so they can get in touch if they want to.

Thank you smile

CheerfulYank Mon 27-Jun-11 06:33:57

Good luck!

<<waves to Sidge>>

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Mon 27-Jun-11 06:42:23

I would have thought that a young person disabled charity/assocation wouldn't find this an unusual question tbh.

Thandeka Mon 27-Jun-11 06:48:09

Leonard Cheshire disability have produced some fab sex education resources. Would probably be worth contacting them to see if they can help. A condom is possibly more likely to fail if there is a struggle to get it on so practice is important. I do condom demos all the time as my dayjob so if you are anywhere near Bath happy to help!

Thandeka Mon 27-Jun-11 07:25:55

Also research diff condoms- there are a few "easy on" brands which may help. Even saw one with handles the other day (!?) but not sure they are available in this country yet.

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