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(19 Posts)
LadyEloise Mon 02-Nov-20 17:50:18

I'm wondering if others have found, as I have, when messaging Ancestry members that SO many of them don't bother to reply. I'm doing a search with dh, message politely and then .... nothing
It's so frustrating as he so wants to get answers and their replies would be so helpful.
I know people have busy lives but sad

OP’s posts: |
Ylfa Wed 04-Nov-20 09:59:00

I’ve spent a year, no, two waiting for my long lost parent to reply so I sympathise. 💔

LadyEloise Wed 04-Nov-20 10:33:48

That's awful for you *@Yifa*. So sad. Are you still waiting ? Are they in the same country ?
DH isn't waiting for a parent to reply.
Just people he is linked to via DNA who could help join up some dots for him.

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Ylfa Wed 04-Nov-20 10:53:52

No I’m in the UK and almost everyone I’m related to (except the people I grew myself!) are in north or Central America, mostly the states. It is and always will be painful but I’m okay with it, it’s much better than not knowing. Feels like some missing parts of my identity have been found at least.

Don’t know if you’ve seen the thread in ‘ask me anything’ but there’s a genetic genealogist there and she sounds really nice, could be helpful?

LadyEloise Sun 08-Nov-20 09:45:26

@Yifa
I really hope your long lost parent gets in touch.
Thank you for the advice re the genealogist on Mumsnet. I found it and it's a really interesting thread.

OP’s posts: |
Ylfa Sun 08-Nov-20 11:57:50

Thanks, I’m so glad it was of some interest. How is the search going?

We exchanged one or two messages at first but it stopped, I could see that he was still logging in to ancestry regularly. Not healthy but I still check sometimes, just in case.

JoeBidenIsGreat Sun 08-Nov-20 12:04:09

A lot of people never read their emails. I don't get it either!

RaspberryCoulis Sun 08-Nov-20 15:52:58

A lot of people uploaded their trees to Ancestry a decade or more ago. A lot could have changed in that time - they've probably changed email address, lost interest in family history, forgotten the password, or even died. I get that it's really frustrating. But they're not all deliberately ignoring you.

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 08-Nov-20 15:58:05

RaspberryCoulis

A lot of people uploaded their trees to Ancestry a decade or more ago. A lot could have changed in that time - they've probably changed email address, lost interest in family history, forgotten the password, or even died. I get that it's really frustrating. But they're not all deliberately ignoring you.

This is likely. Also it’s worth noting that the ancestry function that emails you when you have a new message is hit or miss. I have often logged on ancestry to discover months old new messages that I never received an email notification for.

LadyEloise Sun 08-Nov-20 16:22:54

Thanks all.

OP’s posts: |
ProfYaffle Sun 08-Nov-20 16:38:06

Agree with pp, my notifications about messages on ancestry often go into spam so I don't see them for months.

Also, a lot of people who message often don't realise how much work they're asking me to do, eg chase down obscure dna links. Those I do tend to ignore!

Schonerlebnis Mon 09-Nov-20 10:59:58

Absolutely agree. I think the family history compenent of ancestry sadly comes second place to the dna/ethnicity side of things.
I've sent loads of polite messages and probably had a handful of replies.
It's sad how little people know about their families. I emailed a second cousin loads of photos of her grandad after a short chat {we were matched via dna), got a brief thanks off her son confused Another distant rel took most of my research and added it to his, never to be heard from again.
Funnily enough another distant rel posted old photos on a local history website, he got back to me straight away and was very helpful. It's all just hit and miss. sad

RaspberryCoulis Mon 09-Nov-20 11:12:07

It's weird, the first thing anyone asks you when you say you're doing your family tree is "how far back did you get"?

For me, that's FAR less interesting than a relative who died on board a ship off the coast of China in 1870, a 1770s relative who went to the States, sided with the British and was deported back home via Canada, or why my gg grandfather moved from one end of Scotland to the other to work in a hotel.

It's ALL about the context and the stories. That's the interesting stuff, not the dull birth, marriage, death bare bones.

Schonerlebnis Mon 09-Nov-20 11:55:21

@RaspberryCoulis yes it all merges into one if there's no context to it.
I've got as far back as the 18th century but it's meaningless if you know nothing about them. I'm currently interested in my long deceased gran's brother who died at ypres in 1915. It's fascinating (and sad) reading about what he faced there. Equally an aunt of my grans ended up in a well known orphanage in york in the 1890s so currently trying to find out what happened to her too. Sadly if your family are just 'little people' like mine there's dearth of info. Unless living rels can guide you a bit it's quite difficult.

RaspberryCoulis Mon 09-Nov-20 12:02:14

Agree, lots of mine are very ordinary people - farmers, sailors, nothing notable. Does help you focus on the ones who are a wee bit out of the ordinary though.

gabsdot45 Sat 14-Nov-20 19:21:54

I go through spurts of doing family history. I logged on recently after a break of about 6 months and there was a message from September waiting for me.
Don't take it personally

LadyEloise Sun 29-Nov-20 12:58:14

They've gone and changed the format on the app on iphone.
It's not for the better!!! sad

OP’s posts: |
LadyEloise Thu 31-Dec-20 12:25:41

I'm hoping that there will be lots more matches on Ancestry when all the Ancestry kit Christmas presents are sent back for analysis.
It should take about 12 weeks, shouldn't it, so probably mid March 2021.
Hopefully @Yifa will get more answers.

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Ylfa Thu 07-Jan-21 11:16:12

😊💕 thanks, I think I’ve come to better terms with it now after emailing him to explain just how unforgivable I think it is to make human beings and then not acknowledge their existence. The important thing for me was to uncover the truth about my parentage though, and to go on unraveling all the mysteries of my maternal ancestry too.

Hope there are lots of fruitful new lines of research for you OP, don’t forget results from all the Black Friday kit offers could be in within weeks!

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