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How to talk to my grandparents about telling the rest of the family about me?

(3 Posts)
aubz88 Wed 11-Sep-19 10:23:32

I'm 31 and my father wasn't a part of my life. I met him a few times as a child.

My father lied to my mother. He told her that his parents knew and were angry and not interested.

I wrote my grandparents a letter in the mail. It turns out that they didn't know about me. Ooops I didn't know that I was dropping such a big bomb on them.

It turns out that they are still in contact with my father and are going to go and visit him. I dislike this; so you find out that your son fathered a child, lied to you about it, and didn't care for the child and you want to go and visit him and help him paint his house? I'm mad. They said they will discuss the matter with him but that's all they said.

Anyways. I don't know if I want any contact from my father or not but he has siblings. I want him or my grandparents to tell his siblings about the situation. How would you bring this up with them?

HugoSpritz Wed 11-Sep-19 14:22:31

They are still his parents and he is still their son so presumably they love and have a relationship with each other. They may indeed be cross/angry/diaappointed that he didn't ever tell them about you but unfortunately you can't dictate what they do or how they handle it. The same goes for your potential aunts and uncles.

Upsetting as it is there is no point being mad! Upset maybe. Explain to them in person and calmly that you feel you have missed out on family relationships with them and the other family members and am struggling as to why they seem so relaxed towards Dad but that you would like relationships with the family now.

They may not want to know but unfortunately you can't force it. I know I would welcome the chance to meet a long lost niece or nephew but not everyone is the same and it may also depend on what relationship (if any) they had with your mother.

aubz88 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:34:58

They never met my mother.

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