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(34 Posts)
RomanyQueen Wed 05-Jun-19 15:17:11

I have thousands of matches for my mothers side, I know they are through surnames and other refs from cousins trees. There are about 4k in total, then another 48k of other matches.

Just checking I'm doing everything I can apart from hiring a specialist at thousands of £.

I want to find my father, no idea of name, hardly any details. I've filed my mothers side and have found one contact that seems as though could be from fathers side but could be up to 8th removed.
We have no shared matches showing up.
What can I do apart from keep going through the matches until I find a link with the suspected fathers side.

AyahuascaTrip Wed 05-Jun-19 19:47:17

Is your dna uploaded to as many sites as possible? Some are free (like gedmatch) others quite cheap (myheritage, familytreedna). Joined rootsmatch today which looks really helpful too.

I’m in a similar situation with my maternal grandparents - reasonably confident about the grandfather side of things thanks to thrulines thing on ancestry but absolutely fucking nothing on my maternal grandma. It’s so frustrating!

lots33 Wed 05-Jun-19 19:51:01

It is possible without a name but yes it would be expensive. I work in this field. Would a close maternal relative test to clarify which links are the paternal ones? What is your closest link that you think may be paternal and how many centimorgans?

YeOldeTrout Wed 05-Jun-19 19:51:07

You'll go mad with the needle in haystack approach.
Um, is there really no way of getting better info about of your mother or one of her relatives or friends?
You need a contact at least as close as 2nd cousin on your dad's side to have a realistic chance of finding your Pa.

RomanyQueen Wed 05-Jun-19 20:58:36

Aw thank you, te link isn't very good it's only 5th -8th cousin. I contacted her though and the DNA covers a whole different area than my mothers side, there really is no mistaking it.

Hard to imagine my DNA follows a migration path from 1,500 years on one side but nothing on the other.
Surely someone from his side must be in the nearly 50k matches.

I started with one name and have had such success, beyond my wildest dreams.

I only have it on ancestry, and then it's private for reasons I can't go into. My ds2 has had his done and my dd said she would too, but there's nobody o my mothers side, but I have a 1st cousin and quite a few 2,3, and 4th.
Arghhh it's so frustrating, thanks very much.

WhatAShewOff Thu 06-Jun-19 01:26:51

Join “DNA detectives” on Facebook. There are loads of members on there who are very helpful, and lots of advice. I found my father through DNA testing. It is possible but you need patience — and luck.

AyahuascaTrip Thu 06-Jun-19 08:05:31

I have a theory that ancestry.com’s additional communities are paternal - mine all come from my dad, my mother and daughter are each in very different additional communities (the regions with dotted lines and a timeline) which they share with their dads. This could just be a coincidence obviously but it’s worth digging around the matches you share within those groups to see what comes up?

Also if it’s possible maybe do an additional test with 23andme as they have quite a big database now and you might be able to sift through your matches based on maternal and paternal haplogroups (not sure how much help they would be but it can’t hurt?).

ArnoldBee Thu 06-Jun-19 08:13:53

I was advised to do the Leeds method of sorting my matches.

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 11:25:05

I will look at 23andme and might be able to have the test for my Birthday. I'm also going to look at fb group, many thanks.

What is the Leeds method?

The thrulines is great for my mothers side and have found so many who share a particular ancestor, once I've added them to my tree that will be enough for now, although I know it's never completed.

So, back to the frustration today, I'm determined to find him somewhere. grin

I've spoken to several trying to find their father or at least his family, it must be quite common.

PETRONELLAS Thu 06-Jun-19 11:34:34

Can I hop on? I’m adopted. Any chance this would help me find any link?

ArnoldBee Thu 06-Jun-19 11:39:05

Google The Leeds method and there is a step by step guide. It identifies who is related to who and it actually surprised me that not everyone is related how you think. Thrulines is based on your tree so if you don't know who your father is for example it won't show anything on that side.

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 13:08:35

Hello Petronellas.

I can only tell you of my experience.
I started off with just my bm name and area she was born/lived, and age but not dob.
I have been so lucky with this side as lots of research has been done on Romany families, so I am well versed now grin
I was surprised how easy it was, definitely time consuming though, I've been seriously researching for 10 years now, and looking for ways to speed it up as my bf will be about 70 now, if still around.

If you can afford an ancestry account and you have any details at all, or anything from adoption notes to help.
Is her mothers maiden name on any certificates you could buy. They are cheaper too if you buy through the GRO rather than ancestry.

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 13:11:12

You can pm me if you have a particular problem, I'm no authority but would say a good intermediate level.
Or we can keep ourselves supported and anybody else interested who wants to join in. thanks

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 13:18:03

Have just looked at The Leeds method, have started something similar on Ancestry denoting a different colour for shared ancestors.
This looks more thorough though and you can see at a glance
Many thanks.

pigeonscooing Thu 06-Jun-19 14:25:45

Wild stab in the dark, but could it be that your father was related to your mother, a cousin maybe?

AyahuascaTrip Thu 06-Jun-19 14:33:06

Yeah you have to build a tree with potential dads (I just picked men from the trees of the closest matches - men of the right sort of age and later refining it to those who could have been in the right place at the right time) then see if the dna matches support it. That’s how I’ve settled on my maternal grandpa anyway.

I’m going to try that Leeds method for the maternal grandma line - have already started grouping the matches like RomanyQueen but a bit haphazardly!

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 14:34:16

In my case I doubt it, if my bf was Romany chances are the family would have raised me. There are a lot of Romany adopted, I've seen it in several trees.
My DNA is from all over the place and I have 10 countries/areas with a small percentage. Most of these give or take variants of spain/Italy are pretty much the same on mother's side.
I've found some that are mostly England/ western European I'm sort of hoping this could be bf side, there are no small percentages on the ones from UK, if that makes sense.
The match I contacted said all the family for generations were British, I know that doesn't offer anything concrete, but it could be a good indication if I can find more with the same DNA rather than with my worldwide small percentages.

AyahuascaTrip Thu 06-Jun-19 14:34:18

Gedmatch have a tool for checking if your parents were related!

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 14:37:28

wow, that's interesting. They'd have a field day with my Romany side, generations ago there were siblings married in my tree, and even the generation after me two of my cousins are married.
They used to like to keep it in the family on those welsh hillsides grin

WhatAShewOff Thu 06-Jun-19 14:44:10

Definitely join the FB group DNA detectives. You basically have to build lots of mirror trees and attach your DNA to different potential relatives.

WhatAShewOff Thu 06-Jun-19 14:45:26

Btw I found my father via ancestry and 23andme. Matches on both websites. My half brother got lucky on FTDNA. Worth testing with all three if you can afford it.

AyahuascaTrip Thu 06-Jun-19 14:46:26

It was the same with the early settlers on my dad’s side 🙈 I guess go back far enough and it was the same for everyone?!

PETRONELLAS Thu 06-Jun-19 18:55:36

Fascinating. Thank you so much for information. I have ancestry. 4000 on my adoptive fam tree. Have bm name but Irish. Father never named.
Not sure what I want! Thank you for insight/offer

RomanyQueen Thu 06-Jun-19 19:14:47

Petronellas

It can certainly take over your life, I spend far too long tbh, but I'm hoping it will feed into a 2 year project I'm doing.
Not getting very far though as keep looking at the tree instead of writing.
I'm supposed to be writing a story, well more funny presentation to perform, and applying for funding for an Arts in Education in the community .
I'm quite determined but never done anything like this before. I have lots of people onboard to help when I'm ready though.

So when you see me on here I'm really procrastinating, so I'm off now as feel guilty leaving dh to do his own tea whilst I skulk in my office. He's worked all day and is so supportive, bless.

AyahuascaTrip Thu 06-Jun-19 20:30:43

It’s so absorbing, I’m quite obsessional anyway but it’s like a never ending treasure hunt or mystery. And often find I only want to watch documentaries about, or dramas set in, the place and period I’m currently researching.

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