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Looking for (half) brother

(11 Posts)
MissusGeneHunt Mon 27-Aug-18 09:16:17

Have also posted in AIBU as I needed a 'reaction' but if you good people could help I'd be so chuffed. Didn't realise this board existed. This is a C&P of my original post:

Sorry – a bit of War and Peace… but I hope this may be life changing for me.

My father left when I was very small (I’m now 47) and there was NC for many years until I found him through other rellies when I was 14. Background info – I have a great relationship with my mum. No ‘full’ DS or DB. Discussion around father when I was young a no-go area due to living with my grandmother and her vitriolic hatred for dad (due to him leaving mum).

After finding dad, forged a decent enough relationship but he was living back in Australia so from the UK it was not ideal. I also forged a good relationship with my (then) step mum, and when she was travelling Europe when I was 24 I met up with her. She’d by then split up with DF.

As we were having lunch and talking about Dad (she was still obsessed with him) I said something along the lines of ‘wouldn’t it be weird if there were more of ‘me’?’ to which she almost dropped her drink and said ‘Don’t you know?’. Dropped a bollock there, then.
Long and short of it – Dad had a son before he married my mum. I was half furious and half delighted and asap went to mum’s to ask her. She was so shocked I knew. I didn’t blame her, she had her reasons for not telling me. Then raised it with Dad (pre internet – so by letter) – little information. Turns out he’d parted from brother’s mother fairly swiftly and no real contact after the age of approximately 11 by which time I was born. Mum knew at that stage.
I eventually got to meet my dad when I was 26, flew out to Aus. He evaded the questions and made light of the fact that ‘there are probably more in Sydney’ (he was based in Melbourne). The visit is another story altogether.
Dad died in 2002 under tragic circumstances. Went back out to manage the estate and found nothing relevant in his paperwork apart from a couple of photos.

Have asked other rellies including my Uncle (his brother) – no information. I know his first name, his approximate DOB (year) and that’s about it. Nothing apart from one photo I carry around with me of Dad and my brother in about 1972.
I’ve tried: Salvation Army (won’t help as my dad and brother’s mother not married at time of birth – WTF); free birth records online – think I’ve got as far as determining definite DOB if brother is using my birth surname too; DNA match – nothing.

AIBU to continue my search or is it fruitless? And please, please, if you have any other ideas on how I can find him, please tell me (preferably those that I don’t have to take out another mortgage for). I feel I still ‘need’ to know. I don’t think he knows about me though.

Thank you and sorry for the essay….

Monny1 Mon 27-Aug-18 09:24:05

Why don’t you get in contact with ‘Lost Lost Families and see if you qualify to get help with Davinia McCall and Nicky Campbell?

MissusGeneHunt Mon 27-Aug-18 11:46:21

@Monny1 thank you... But I did some while ago but didn't. Do you think it's worth trying again?

LunaLovegoodsRadishes Mon 27-Aug-18 11:52:30

Try SM: hashtag any variable of what your brother's name might be. It costs money but try Ancestry.com or similar search engine. I wish you luck! flowers

MissusGeneHunt Mon 27-Aug-18 12:42:18

@LunaLovegoodsRadishes thank you so much. Sorry to be dense, what's SM?

Monny1 Mon 27-Aug-18 12:55:18

I can’t see why not. It’s worth another go. flowers

Monny1 Mon 27-Aug-18 12:56:11

I really hope that you manage to find him.

LuluJakey1 Mon 27-Aug-18 13:18:30

I am not clear what you actually know.
Christian name
Surname?
DOB
City born in ?
Mother's name?
2 photos

If you have all of the above, you could:
Google search his name and possible short versions
Look on Linkedin
Google search his mother's name

Go onto the Family Search website and join it (free). You can then search his birth, his mother's birth, possible other siblings born to his mother, a marriage for his mother, his mother's death (if she has died) his death (to check if he is still alive), potential marriage for him and children he may have had. None of these will tell you exactly where he is today but may give you clues that will help you to find him. Death's allow you to look for death announcements in local papers which often lead to more family information and ways of finding him. You can get his birth certificate which will give you further information.

I found my dad's brother's family after 45 years living in Australia. I wrote an email to editor of the local paper when I found out he had been there 40 years earlier with the details we had-which apart from the children's and their mother's names and a date were nil. He printed it and within 48 hours I had an email from my cousin. They are much older than me (4 of them) but we keep in touch regularly and have shared old and new photos.

I love doing family history and there are so many ways to look; it is like a giant jigsaw puzzle. You need to think creatively about it and about using quirky ways to look. It is definitely possible.

LuluJakey1 Mon 27-Aug-18 13:21:04

If you wanted to DM me the info you have- names, dates, places etc, I would have a go and see whta I could find. Totally 7nderstnad if you didn't want to as it is private.
Hope you find him.

SoupDragon Mon 27-Aug-18 13:21:52

Ancestry.co.uk is free today but I don’t know how easy it would be to find the info you want.

SoupDragon Mon 27-Aug-18 13:23:09

You may be able to search on first name and fathers name plus year of birth?

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