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Found paternal family

(11 Posts)
Stephie1710 Mon 27-Nov-17 09:36:30

Found the courage to approah my father shock he refuses to talk to me ... ive had horrible texts from one half brother and half sister .. boarder line evil sad one half brother was shocked I exited and has been wonderful texts me as if i am a human being with feelings and not a peice of scum the other two have .. fathers wife hates the mention of me ( she new he was married with a child due when they met ) my nan and aunts even refuse to acknowledge I exist... i did message them and the one brother who inspeak to said can i stop messaging them they dont want to know .. why ? What have i done ?

Stephie1710 Mon 27-Nov-17 09:38:02

Nice to hear advice .... im broken hearted its a physical pain it hurts so bad 😢

danigrace Wed 29-Nov-17 08:17:53

@Stephie17 so sorry to hear what you're going through. I know it doesn't help but you certainly aren't alone in having to deal with this. Contrary to popular TV shows this can happen as much as half of the time. The majority of the time the bad reaction stems from the fear and insecurities within the family you have contacted. There is NOTHING you have done. This is my line of work (currently on maternity) and we always act as middle man first to prevent innocent family members like yourself having to deal with any potential nastiness. Depending on how far things have gone maybe you could just let them know (preferably by writing) it is not and was never your intention to upset anybody or intrude in any lives, you simply wanted to know who your biological family were. And if things don't change, know at least you tried and that you are better off without. They may change their minds one day and then it will be up to you. Please make sure you talk to someone IRL about this too, you need support. And I'll stress again that sadly what you are experiencing is not an uncommon reaction and there is nothing at you have done wrong.

Stephie1710 Wed 29-Nov-17 09:36:38

THank you for your reply ... its hard to not think something you did was wrong . Ive not had the greatest starts in life emotionally sexually and physically abused ☹️And to be told via a text message by one brother that dad knows what happened in your past and he dont care he dosnt want to know 🤷‍♀️It’s hurtful... ive not spoken to dad directly just had brother or sister saying he said this he said that ... im now seeing a counselor and on medication...
i wish i had gone through an agency now

Stephie1710 Wed 29-Nov-17 09:42:31

I found that my 17 year old daughter had approached her uncle too and he was vile to her via Facebook 😳 i made her delete him .
My neice approached me via Facebook too and she was told to delete me and my sister contacted me to “warn me” not to speak to her daughter. I hadnt replied to her fgs. Why are they being the way they are ? Its shocking .

danigrace Wed 29-Nov-17 16:41:44

So sorry to hear of everything you've been through Stephi flowers
That's great you see a therapist I hope it really helps.
Do you know your father's address? If so I may be writing a letter and say everything you've got to say, take your time with it, rewrite it, and get everything off your chest it can be quite cathartic. And then if he still doesn't want to know, well that's his loss, and hopefully with help you can move forward. But if the family don't already know your address I wouldn't include it in your letter, instead offer an email or phone number which is more easily changeable if need be. X

LittleLights Wed 29-Nov-17 19:38:14

Don't write a letter

Don't try anymore

It's NOTHING you have done

Keep contact with the one brother who is nice to you but don't trust him with anything personal or tell him how the others have made you feel.

LittleLights Wed 29-Nov-17 19:40:15

If it helps, I am 15 years on from where you are now.

If they want to contact you, they can.

Don't waste your time, energy or emotions on people underserving.

danigrace Thu 30-Nov-17 07:00:54

The reason I suggested a letter wasn't for the benefit of the family but for the benefit of the OP, some people find it helps them to get what they want to say 'out there' before they draw a line. But if the OP doesn't think this will help her personally then I agree with you LittleLights. Sorry to hear you have been through it too.

Stephie1710 Thu 30-Nov-17 17:26:11

Thank you all for advice. Its a hard one 🤔maybe a letter maybe not 🤷‍♀️I need to have a long hard think about it all. Its true they know where i am if they want contact they can ... but questions im asking myself is ... whats so special about them to go on defensive?....
why be nice to me for weeks then suddenly go psycho evil ?
Im considering to never have any interaction with them every again .. its all messed up .

LittleLights Thu 30-Nov-17 23:02:41

I had the comment "I'm not allowed to have anything to do with family members incase I take them on the Jeremy Kyle show"

I don't even watch the show let alone have any desire to ever go on it.

As previous poster suggested you could write the letter just to get the words and questions out of your head, then put it away for a few weeks or months before deciding if to post it or not.

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