Competitive sport and managing the pressure

[Susiesue61]

Hi. This is mainly about DD who is 16 and plays her favourite sport at county age group level. She wants to coach as a career as has never been consistent enough to look at playing.

However, she has been having 1-1 s with one of the county coaches since last summer, just occasionally and so far this season, has done really well 😊 Today she is playing for the county womens team!

As she gets more involved and more serious, how do we cope with her expectations and the pressure? She's always taken bad days badly! I have found it more and more stressful as the years go by. I understand that its not the end of the world if she doesnt play well but i am getting increasingly nervous for her. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

[Laura0806]

Tricky- I have a daughter ( a bit younger) who dropped out of county sport as she couldn't handle the pressure and she was getting so stressed the night before training/ matches that it just wasn't worth it. Have you tried a couple of sessions with a sports psychologist?

[Susiesue61]

She's done some psychology with the highest level training with county. To be fair, she is pretty resilient and keeps putting hrself out there, and she is outgoing and confident with the team, including the ladies yesterday.
It's me that worries, and i wonder if I'm unusual and if there's anything i can do? How do other parents cope (and i know there are children that play at national level here!)

[anotherpersona]

I think you can help her maintain perspective & a life outside the sport. Keep friends who follow other paths. Emphasise that at any level sporting success is a transient phase and education is a priority. Bluntly she is still far more likely to have a long-term career as a coach than as a player.

[Susiesue61]

Oh yes, there is no expectation here for her to play professionally! Those girls have stood out for years and are incredible! Ithink I probably explained myself badly in the OP - i was wondering how other parents keep themselves chilled when things arent going as well? We try not to out any pressure on her- she puts enough on herself. But equally we want her to do her best

[anotherpersona]

I guess I stay chilled by realising I can't influence anything when DS is mid-match. If it's an off day then that is what it is. If I'm pitch/court side I tend to stick to silence or short positive comments like 'good shot' generally or 'chin up' if it's a bad day.

As a parent I see the role as one of support so food, drink, driving around and words of encouragement/support/sympathy as required. And paying !! Maybe it helps that I have never played at county level so am happy to leave the coaching to the coaches.

[AttilaTheMusical]

She will need rest & downtime (both mentally and physically), and the chance to be an ordinary teenager. Try and make sure that she still enjoys other activities and sees her friends outside sport, it all helps with becoming a well-rounded individual.
It's good to be dedicated, and you need that at elite level, but maybe not to the point of it becoming an all-consuming obsession to the exclusion of all else. If and when performance dips and things aren't going so well, it is a crushing blow if you don't have anything else in your life.
Will she be doing psychology at A-level? Sports psychology is a pretty big thing now.

[Susiesue61]

I will try and channel that chilledness anothrpersona. Shes not doing A levels, shes going to college to do a Btec in sports as she wants to coach. She's not an 'elite' person by any means, just dedicated and currently doing really well 😊 I'm leaving her to go to a long distance fixture with her friend tomorrow, they are looking forward to staying in the hotel by themselves as much as the game!!