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Doesn't stick at anything

(21 Posts)
NeverMetACakeIDidntLike Wed 14-Feb-18 18:34:09

My DD1 (5) has been to a few activities over the last year or so. She'll go to a few sessions and then when it comes to the time to go again, she won't go. Swimming, ballet, ju jitsu, plus a few other things.

She always says that she enjoys them, but won't go when it's time to.

All her little buddies seem to have lots of extra curricular stuff. She's very bright and she's quite confident. She can never offer an explanation of why she won't go.

Don't know whether to keep pushing her (erm, encouraging her) or to just give up for now.

Anyone had a similar extra-circular-refuser?

NeverMetACakeIDidntLike Wed 14-Feb-18 18:39:45

*curricular, not circular (obv)

jedenfalls Wed 14-Feb-18 18:56:27

5 is young. It could be that she likes the idea of hobbies but actually just needs chill time.

My dd is the same. Loads of mates with a million hobbies, but if I sign her up for stuff, by the third week it was a battle to get her to go. Which is a bit shit if it’s meant to be fun.

I dropped it back to just swimming, since it’s a life skill and now she s a bit older she does swimming and brownies.

Ditch the hobbies. Let her relax

MaidenMotherCrone Wed 14-Feb-18 19:12:08

She's only 5!

NeverMetACakeIDidntLike Wed 14-Feb-18 19:16:37

@MaidenMotherCrone I know.

minipie Wed 14-Feb-18 19:21:35

Hmm most of these things you sign up and pay termly right? I'd want my DD (also 5) to complete the term if she'd wanted to do it and I'd paid up. Then the next term I wouldn't sign up again. But I wouldn't be letting her drop out after 2 sessions.

Nigglenotes Wed 14-Feb-18 21:58:36

She is still very small. The school week seems like most of her life. Maybe she would prefer to be at home with you. My 2DDs, 7 and 10, only started extra curricular activities at 7, excluding swimming, but just for fun with me, after hating three weeks of swimming lessons. Now they would love to try everything. Maybe she is telling you that navigating the school/social world she has currently is really all she can cope with right now, or wants to cope with. There is no rush. In a few years you will want to resist calculating how much extra curricular is costing, but at least with the comfort she is enjoying it!

yikesanotherbooboo Wed 14-Feb-18 22:28:25

I agree, 5 is very young and School takes it out of children . Does she need organised activities on top? She might prefer to play on her own terms.
I quite agree about sticking things out though.'Can I do ballet?' You can DD but you do realise that it is every Thursday until the end of term don't you?
If they want to join a club or do an activity they have to commit to it.

PrincessHairyMclary Wed 14-Feb-18 22:38:15

DD started classes early (only child, I wanted her to spend time with other children) but really if I had our time again I wouldn't have signed her up till she was 6/7 at that age her gross motor skills had developed more and she learnt things better and was able to remember dance routines from one week to the next. I spent £££ that I really didn't need to and she would probably have been just as happy baking cupcakes at home and playing with play doh.

I think it depends where you live and what your 'normal' is, very few children in DDs year do activities out of school (although the school run a good extra curriculum programme themselves) or those that do only do one whereas the dance school friends are there all the time (6+ classes a week) plus have other activities on top.

peterpanwendy Thu 15-Feb-18 07:35:51

The 4-5 yo DC in my class are practically falling asleep at the end of a school day, they don't need many extra curricular things when they're that tired. It's a busy full on week for them and down time for them to independently choose their own activities is so important. You're right there are certain children who are just full of beans and can do 4 clubs a week plus school but more often than not when they're that young they just want down time. Maybe try again in a couple of years? They are definitely beneficial down the line, especially swimming!

Soursprout Thu 15-Feb-18 09:35:59

I would leave it until she’s older . School is exhausting
Clubs/ courses that are on in the school holidays are the way to go when they are teeny. Dd did dance/ theatre/ music/ gymnastics/ athletics / football/ trampolining .. all short courses run during school holidays.

Chlo2012 Thu 15-Feb-18 10:23:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Meandmy4 Thu 15-Feb-18 10:33:47

Oooops ... i thought was going to be about a pre teen/teenager ? Dp/DH .... but 5 ? ... come on confused at five mine & most of same age friends, need to go home after school, to rest&recoup,have a nice warm meal,chit chat about their day and before its bedtime will usally be crashed out asleep on the sofa anywaywink

Meandmy4 Thu 15-Feb-18 10:34:58

And lush warm bubbly bath !.. forgot lush bubbles

catkind Thu 15-Feb-18 23:15:28

5 is young, yes, but I'd still encourage the idea that you stick out the term. Particularly if it's a leaving the house issue rather than actually being unhappy at the activity itself.

I have one of those 5 yr olds who do a daft number of activities. School doesn't challenge or tire her at all, she has plenty of spare energy and enjoys them. DS was complete opposite and wanted to do nothing at that age. He's asked for things when he was ready. I think either is fine, just depends on the child. The only thing I would insist on is swimming, luckily both decided they wanted to do it before it got to a stage where I felt I had to.

MiaowTheCat Fri 16-Feb-18 15:49:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stringmealong Mon 26-Feb-18 19:29:04

Might she be better off in a one-to-one situation? If she finds social situations overwhelming she might find it easier to concentrate in a music lesson or something

kinorsam Tue 27-Feb-18 17:19:31

I think some kids give up on activities because they try something new for a couple of weeks, and expect to be good at it straight away. But because they haven't had enough practice they end up thinking they can't do it - especially if others their age have been going a while and can.

They need to keep going long enough to be able to get over that hump, as the more proficient you get, the more fun it becomes.

lljkk Tue 27-Feb-18 17:40:34

I'd only make attend things I've prepaid for. Choose things she can try in just 2-3 (max) pre-paid sessions.

yamadori Wed 28-Feb-18 00:04:27

Try finding dance classes or things like swimming, gymnastics or piano for 2-3 sessions. You usually have to pay upfront for a whole term (half a term if you are lucky).

catkind Wed 28-Feb-18 00:51:23

I think most things offer a one off trial session. That's enough to decide if they want to give it a proper try. I think a term or half a term is reasonable for a proper try though. It's not brand new and exciting any more, but also they've started to learn a few skills and get a feel for the progression and what it's like as a regular hobby.

I don't think 5 yr olds can always take the wider view and think "well I don't want to leave this game but when I get there I'll love swimming more". Sometimes it's okay for the adult to take charge and make the decisions based on all available evidence (child loved it last week, doesn't look tired etc).

Generally I like them to want to do it consistently for a few weeks before I sign them up, and want consistently to stop for a few weeks to stop, unless I can see good reason myself. Then I know it's really what they want to do not a momentary pique or falling out or whim. I've made the mistake before of cancelling something too quickly and child then miserable and upset till we could get him signed up again.

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