Music practice and possible ASD - please help.

[Didiplanthis]

I'm at my wits end. My dd started violin in yr 1. Practices, does what she is supposed to and we all enjoy it. 2 yrs later all is still good. Ds was desperate to start in yr 1 too. So I agreed. He is far more musical then her but less mature, academically able, reading well and teacher happy to give it a go. He enjoys his lessons and does what he is told in them. Practice is a nightmare though. He willingly gets it out every day but does what he wants when he wants. Sometimes about 4 notes them he's done, Sometimes holding it however he fancies. I tell him what it says on the sheet he does something different. He is being investigated for high functioning ASD and alot of his issues are around anxiety and needing to be in control. He has just had a huge meltdown because I put his violin away after he was waving it around. When he is in the zone he has a really good ear knows when he is out of tune and corrects it and actually makes a decent sound but I am so very tired I can't think straight over the practice thing now . This is on a background of exhausting draining meltdowns over minute trivia and very little sleep so apologies if it sounds over dramatic. I know he is very young and if I'd known about the ASD thing I would have put off starting but he was SO keen. I would happily let him stop and start again later if he wanted to but he says he wants to carry on but I don't know if that's now anxiety of change ! I need external opinions here. I'm thinking he's very young, he's sort of enjoying it just let him play around for now and not really worry about what what hes actually doing ?

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

I would be inclined to say just let him mess around on instruments at the moment if that is what he wants to do, he is very young still and just because some children are more mature doesn't mean he has to be. Just make sure it is a cheap violin in case he damages it - we got one for £20 off gumtree when one of ours wanted to try playing it.

[Paulweller11]

Stick with it. There’s research to suggest that learning an instrument is good for children with ASD. Probably stick with a cheap violin for now though, just because he’s young.

[imip]

My dd has a profile similar to your dc. HFA, very controlling - possibly PDA. She happily started guitar at the same ago. The first yr was fine, but half way through next year it caused such problems that we dropped it. It just seems sent worth the anxiety and meltdowns....

[Didiplanthis]

Thank you so much for replying. Everything is quite stressful at the moment and I was doubting this too ! His violin is a cheap fully insured rental at the moment so that's all ok. It's just so difficult to read him and so easy to get it wrong. He has on occasion gone to his violin to help him in a meltdown which makes me think it's worth it and it's the only thing he seems to actively want to do. Just only on his terms !

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

If he seems to get enjoyment/comfort from it, I’d say keep it in. I presume his violin teacher is aware of his challenges?

Both my DDs play violin, about 6 years now. There were some epic battles around practice for first 4 years. Both LOVED their lessons and their teacher. It took until they reached their teens to accept that practice needed to happen 3-5 days per week. Thankfully, it eventually just became part of their daily routine.

[Ttbb]

Maybe he's actually just a bit too clever to do things the normal way without getting hopelessly bored? If he's making good progress is see no reason to interfere. People are so obsessed with conformity these days that they can't see the wood for the trees.

[Trumpetboysmum]

With some knowledge of asd ( I've worked in autism support for a number of years now) I wonder if he doesn't need a very simple practice schedule with some sort of meaningful reward at the end - like being able to play what he wants when he's finished . It could be a simple chart written out each week with something like practices ..... bars ( you could write in which ones to be really specific) x number of times - keep it really short and achievable and start with pieces that he knows . My dd doesn't have asd but gets really anxious if she gets things wrong it's taken us a long time to get over that especially with piano . She's now preparing for grade 1 alongside lots of easy carols that she can sing to as her teacher knows that reducing her stress levels is the way to get her to practice. It might just be that he's very young - but this sort of simple schedule will work anyway . If you are worried about him breaking the violin you could also have a simple set of rules put up which sets out how he needs to look after his violin ? And a reminder that he puts it away if he doesn't?

[Mistigri]

The schedule/ reward thing is a good idea but a lot of effort.

Tbh if he seems musical I think I would be tempted to make an instrument or instruments freely available (preferably ones that don't need careful handling or supervision - a keyboard maybe?) and see what happens.

Regular structured practice is of course essential for children to progress in the "classical" way but it is possible for children with a particular motivation or gift to become musicians outside the normal "20-30 mins practice a day and a grade a year" route.

[Didiplanthis]

All great advice thank you so much. I'm thinking of getting him keyboard. We have a piano but he's not great taking direction from me (PDA type traits) and I thought he may do well left alone with one that has light up keys (which i feel is a gimmick I would usually run a mile from but I have to think out side of 'normal' for him). We will carry on with violin because he really struggles to find things he wants to do and he does seem to be drawn to it. I had a rough day with him yesterday and practice meltdown just about finished me off ! I think he is very musical and if we can unlock it and find a way in, it may give him alot of pleasure and solace in what may be a challenging path through life.

[ilovesushi]

My take is let go of how he compares to your DD in term of ability/ practice style and let him muck around. He may just have a very very different learning style. It is really positive that he is going to his instrument when stressed - if I read that correctly. Let him do it on his terms and wait until you have a more detailed diagnosis for changing anything. He doesn't have to go down the whole exam grades route. He may benefit from music in other ways.

[ilovesushi]

I meant "before" changing anything. Typing too fast!

[Didiplanthis]

Right. Took all your advice. This evening we didnt do 'practice' instead I said 'let's do fun stuff on the violin - whatever you like' as he knows about 8 notes it pretty much came down to what he is supposed to do anyway. Finished off with guess the note at his request where I play a note and he guesses it after I play him an A as starter. As he got 8/10 right I suspect we ought to carry on for a bit ! All finished off with choosing a haribo. We both enjoyed it. I think that will be the way forward for now. Thank you so much !