My DD is 13. She asked to play violin when she was about 9 and half, so we got her some lessons through school. She's had a couple of different teachers over the years and currently has a teacher outside of school time, so I sit in on the lesson.
My concerns are: a) she's not very musical b) she hardly ever practices, and only ever does if I make her
c) the teacher repeatedly asks her to do the most simple of things, and she just doesn't do what he asks - I don't think she's listening c) (and this is the worst one) she acts like she's bored out of her brains all through the lesson - she yawns constantly, stretches in a kind of bored way, and acts like it's a major effort to even bother picking up the violin. I don't know how the teacher doesn't tear his hair out!
I'm quite musical, and it's definitely not the fault of the teacher - he's really fun, and musically, completely understands his stuff.
However, every week I ask her if she wants to carry on because she acts like she's not enjoying it and every week she insists she really wants to carry on and she enjoys it??? But she obviously doesn't!! I've asked why she wants to play the violin and she just vaguely says something about wanting the experience of playing an instrument.
Today, I asked her why she wasn't doing what the teacher asked her and she insisted that he was telling her it all wrong. He very definitely wasn't telling her to do it wrong. My DD can be quite arrogant, and have a "blame everyone except myself" when she's cornered, so I gave up arguing with her in the end.
She needs to pack in really, but I want it to come from her - I want her to realise that the best thing would be to pack in, mainly because if I make the decision, she will blame her lack of musical skills on me for the rest of my life. It will be a hard decision for her, I think she has some wild dream of being an effortlessly amazing musician, and stopping lessons means shutting that dream down. I think if she could do a grade (and pass it) she'd feel happier about packing in, but I think teachers are wary of putting her in for any because she obviously doesn't practice.
I don't know, maybe I'm giving her too much autonomy since she's only age 13? It's all come to a head because the teacher (who has the patience of a saint) has asked her to put more effort in next week and to think about whether she really wants to carry on. I feel really sorry for the teacher - I think he's at the end of his tether with her.
She's been sulking upstairs since her lesson this morning.
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17 replies
castasp · 14/10/2017 15:59
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