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Trying to find a club/sport for my son...

(19 Posts)
Ojoj1974 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:25:56

My 10yr old DS does so much-
Plays the sax
Sails in the summer
Does a bit of indoor rock climbing
Just started sea cadets
However, he doesnt have a passion for any of them really. He happily attends each week but hangs at the back in sport and doesn't practice his instrument. he is also getting over weight as he simply doesn't run around enough.
how can I help him find that fire in his belly for something??
Sadly he isn't particularly academic either..

I find it really difficult as I would love him to be passionate about something..

nonicknameseemsavailable Thu 21-Sep-17 03:10:54

if he hangs back in the sports is that mainly with the team ones? perhaps the individual sports are more suited to him. I think it is hard to choose activities for someone, to be truly passionate about something I think they generally come up with it themselves but equally to know certain activities exist someone has to expose the child to them. Perhaps it isn't so much about what the activity is as how he views activities in general. if he is holding back that could indicate he is lacking in confidence and self esteem, perhaps trying to work with him on those will then enable him to be more involved in his activities?

errorofjudgement Thu 21-Sep-17 06:21:36

It sounds as though your DS enjoys being part of a group but doesn't necessarily want to excel in a sport. How about switching the focus from sport to an activity such as drama or scouts (v different to sea cadets).

SecondaryQuandary Thu 21-Sep-17 08:10:38

Some children just aren't passionate about something, and many children don't excel at academics or extra curricular activities.

This is normal.

As a society we have become obsessed with finding everyone's special talent. Maybe your DS's special talent is that he happily blends in. Maybe he doesn't have a huge competitive drive - that's ok.

Some children find a passion later - as teens or even adults. And some just pootle along happily without a passion and are fine.

LittleLights Thu 21-Sep-17 08:28:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleLights Thu 21-Sep-17 08:29:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleLights Thu 21-Sep-17 08:30:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crumbs1 Thu 21-Sep-17 08:37:15

Try a sport that doesn't hurt - if he's heavy he'll be a forward and underneath the scrum pile if he's started contact. Let him continue going as he may grow into them but swop say judo for tennis or badminton where it's impossible to just hang around at back.

Lots of incidental exercise is good too - walking to school or activities.
Family walks and cycling at weekends.

He doesn't sound like he has much time to practice sax. Set a timetable where practice is before supper and don't serve food until practice is done. He's a bit young to self motivate just yet.

Ignore advice re some children just don't excel and are ordinary. Every single successful person has to work very hard at it. It's not about natural talent it's about determination, opportunities and practice. Even Beckham practiced daily from aged five.

Groovee Thu 21-Sep-17 08:38:10

My Ds plays bowls, indoor and outdoor. He's a quiet lad but has found his feet here.

Ojoj1974 Thu 21-Sep-17 09:25:49

Thank you so much for your replies.

Confidence and self esteem is an issue and we continue to work on that.

Practicing of the sax is also something we must do more of too

I agree that it good for him to be taken to lots of things and hopefully one of them will spark a passion!

SecondaryQuandary Thu 21-Sep-17 09:35:44

Ignore advice re some children just don't excel and are ordinary

How rude! I didn't say that - suggest you re read my post. I said many children aren't passionate or competitive and that's OK!

cowgirlsareforever Thu 21-Sep-17 09:38:28

What about rowing if you are worried about his fitness?

LittleLights Thu 21-Sep-17 09:44:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Genevieva Thu 21-Sep-17 10:04:18


Also, if you want the music practice to happen you need to schedule time in your evening / morning / weekend when you sit with him and participate in his practice. He is too young to be able to take himself off to do meaningful practice by himself. One of my children is very musical, but still gets easily distracted without support, so I tend to alternate between being involved in practice and being nearby doing my own thing. Establish a practice routine - e.g. start with a warm up exercise, then scales, then pieces. Make sure he spends time on the bits of the pieces that need work, not the easy bits. Get him to practice for intonation separately from practicing for a stead beat so he is focussing on different things. But don't take an age over it. If practice always takes a long time, it will be something he avoids. Plus a little bit every day is more effective than a lot once a week. In our house pocket money is for music practice. A small amount per proper practice and a bonus at the end of the week if they practice every day (except the day of the lesson). I am also a big fan of having the instrument out on display so it can be picked up for a few seconds just for fun. Is there a music group he could join? Music starts getting really fun when it becomes sociable.

iseenodust Thu 21-Sep-17 17:30:57

Is it because he does so many different things ? So each night is a new activity with new faces? Perhaps if you ask him to cut down to say three he would appreciate those more and maybe want to take up a second session in the week with one of them?
Or would he prefer a bike ride with you?

DS tried a number of things eg judo for a couple of years, football for a year and seemed to have settled on a couple of sports he really liked by the start of secondary school. There he has also taken up hockey and loves it. As you say let him try things and something will click.

cheminotte Thu 21-Sep-17 17:54:41

I agree with getting him to choose his favourites. Also getting overweight is likely to be diet more than exercise. However, as pp said incidental exercise is good, do you walk and cycle places as a family or are you more likely to get in the car? I would say it's better to do one activity on a a Saturday morning that you've walked / cycled to then two or even three that you have to drive between to fit in. Obviously if you live in a rural area that may not be practical.

Logans Thu 21-Sep-17 18:01:09

I think scrap one of the activities and give him a list of possible ones he could do and he can try them on rotation. That way he may find more of a passion if he chooses himself.

My DC is the same and I'm not sure there is much of a cure?

Crumbs1 Thu 21-Sep-17 18:05:58

SecondaryQuandary I don't think I mentioned you. I was referring to the usual posters who say some children just aren't outstanding at anything. I'm not sure it is me that is rude. I consider jumping down people's throats pretty discourteous.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 21-Sep-17 18:11:16


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