Brownies, Cubs etc leaders - WWYD?

[MiyazakiMeeple]

DD attends a similar club and there are issues with a boy there (age 9ish same as her), the leaders are being pretty good keeping an eye on things. Generally it's that he is rough and disruptive, rather than specifically targeting anyone. They have spoken to his mum but nothing changed.

But last week the boy very quietly called DD a bitch. Unfortunately she didn't tell me until after we had left the session. And she's not the kind of child who can shrug that off (much as I wish she were).

But I'm just wondering if you're a club leader what you would do if a parent told you this happened - I know they will believe DD, as I've said they are really aware of the situation in general. But presumably they can't do anything really, even speaking to the mum again if they didn't actually see it happen?

[Hairyfairy01]

I used to do a yellow then red card rule. On this occasion it would be a 'yellow' warning card, if the child got another yellow within that same half term it would be a red card and they would have to miss a week. I would also be discussing the matter with the parents and child so they were fully aware. As a pack we might go over our promise or group 'rules again' getting the kids themselves to think of them and write them down so everyone is clear what is and isn't acceotable. I used to do mine with a bit of a postive spin so 'be kind to others', 'use nice words', 'play gently' rather than a list of don't's. The kids would then sign to say they agreed with them, and the list would be on the wall to make it easy to refer to.

[MiyazakiMeeple]

Thank you Hairy it's really useful to read your perspective!
I'm not sure if they have a promise type thing (it's not scouting or guiding) but I'll ask about that. :)

[littleoldladywho]

Like Hairy I am involved with uniformed youth. At the beginning of each year the unit drafts their own code of conduct and we put it on the notice board. The kids are usually the ones that police it themselves.
In this issue, as the leader has already spoken to the child and the parents, I would be letting the parents know that if there any more incidents, the child will not be allowed to attend.
In our situation, the parents also sign an official code of conduct when they register the child, so we can refer to the rules of we need to.
A removal is always the last resort, and I would be expecting both the parents and the child to be told they are on a final warning, but I would have no problem removing a child who is essentially bullying. It would depend on the parent and child's attitude as to whether it was a temporary or permanent removal.
Fwiw, I've only had to actually remove a youth member from a group once, and both the child, the parents, and our Area staff were involved. I removed the child for the rest of the year, but she returned the following year with no problem. She is now a good few years' older, much more mature, and I wrote her up last year for a scholarship. Important to be firm, not demonized, but to just point out that the behaviour policies exist, give several chances to meet them, and then to apologise and remove the child if they are unable to. Whilst reminding the parents that if they wish to register again the following year, the same rules will be in place.
I never write kids off. And I welcome those who struggle with rules. I'll help them to try and meet the expectations, but if they are consistently unable to, then I am unable to keep them. As a volunteer who is responsible for a large group of kids, there is a limit to my ability to bang my head against a brick wall.
(I'm also the district commissioner, and will support any of my leaders who feel that a code of conduct violation has taken place and cannot be mitigated).

[littleoldladywho]

In fact, my gal who I threw out became a junior leader, and recruited her mum as an adult leader in the end. She will always have a forceful personality, but we helped her to recognize that you have to channel it appropriately. Sometimes good things come out of unfortunate events!

[Groovee]

I have a child who keeps hurting others. I think they lack spacial awareness and have had stern words with the child and told the parent it's not acceptable. Since the week I told them that if it happened the following week, the Brownie wouldn't be allowed back, there has been no incidents. Leaders are aware of the group and keep a close eye.

We did a new code of conduct last week.

[underneaththeash]

I'm a rainbow leader, but I really would appreciate you letting me know and then we would keep a closer eye on that child the next week. We have a completely no-tolerance rule on any unkind behaviour.

Ours are quite young and so far we haven't had to do anything except tell them off..but we do have a code of conduct in place if we do have any persistent offenders.

[MiyazakiMeeple]

Thanks everyone it's really helpful to read.

I spoke to the other leader today, and she just said that DD needs to tell them when it happens. Which I do understand obviously. DD finds it so hard though :( she didn't want me to leave her there which hasn't happened before.