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(22 Posts)
Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 00:49:23

My daughter was on a rainbow waiting list from age 4, they have been full and now she is 7 the local brownies is full too. I got a call from the local commissioner just before Christmas who told me that a brand new brownies unit was opening if i wanted my daughter to join. So I jumped at the chance and my daughter has been loving her first few weeks as a brownie. The leaders are fab, the only issue is none of her friends go as they all want to wait for the local unit to have space (they have 40 kids on a waiting list so it's not going to be soon). Basically the other parents are refusing there kids to go because it's not the kids from their local school who go. The part of town we live is quiet posh and the locals don't like mixing with the other kids from other schools. I love the fact the brownies she goes too have 20 kids from 8 different schools and she can make new friends but she is wanting to quit since none of her friends are there even though she admits she loves the activities and the leaders. Has anyone any ideas on how I could convince her to stay at the unit.

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 00:59:48

Would it work to say we will talk about it next week and so delay giving a decision?

Keep changing subject so it isn't really ever discussed rather than say no you have to go iyswim

As in next week never comes etc etc

Does she say it before each meeting but then come out happy?

Or is it after she has told her school friends and it is their influence?

If you think she does actually enjoy it while she is there then that is my idea but I didn't have a girl at brownies I have a DS who is grown up now

If she isn't enjoying it while there or the other brownies are horrible to her then that is totally different

Good luck smilesmilesmile

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:12:09

She says the other kids in her six and the unit are nice to her, but that they all have someone they know from school there.

A couple of times she has said she didn't want to go before but mostly it's the day after school after brownies. She tells her friends at school about what she made or did and they make her feel bad because she goes without them. They all want to go but there parents won't let them because it's not in the right area. It's less than a mile away but they just won't go out with our little bit of town for clubs.

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 01:24:43

So it seems the main problem is her school friends' parents are really being a bit snobbish about letting their DD mix with girls from the 'wrong side' of town?

So they would rather their DD don't ever become brownies than mix with these 'wrong side' girls as the waiting list is too long?

So do you have any friends amongst these posh friends that you could talk sense to?

Or could you invite one of the brownie girls round for tea either before or after brownies or to play on weekend so that they become outside brownie friends too?

SprogletsMum Sun 12-Feb-17 01:27:44

My dd goes to rainbows with no other girls from her school. My ds goes to beavers with no other children from his school. It's a good thing imo they spend enough time with the children from school it's healthy to have friends outside of school.

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 01:28:01

Will they all end up mixed up in senior school?

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 01:33:59

IMHO I think the other snobbish parents are

"Cutting their noses off to spite their faces"

And I agree with SpogletsMum it is good idea to have outside friends from school friends so they learn lots of social skills and meet as many different people as possible smilesmilesmile

Heratnumber7 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:38:49

Would you and the other parents consider starting up a new unit on the "right" side of town? It's not difficult, you'd have loads of support, and lots of fun. You get to do all the stuff you like to do but are too old for

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:42:43

I totally agree it's good for kids to mix and yes they will all go to the
same secondary school. All the girls from the local. Brownie waiting list got a call about the new unit but appears only I took them up on it.

I told my daughter to invite some of her brownie friends over but she is very shy and didn't want to.

I don't know the other parents well as I only moved here 5 years ago and all the mums knew each other from growing up together. They are as clique as their daughters. Most of them don't work and they look down on the mothers that do. It's a very strange town

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:44:50

There isn't a spare night in the church for a new unit in our area.I have started helping at the new unit my daughter is in every 2 weeks. The guide hall has units every night but is in the wrong side of town for these parent.

Heratnumber7 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:49:48

a) you wouldn't have to meet in the church
b) you could run a weekend unit, or a holiday unit.

I'm a Commissioner. We don't take excuses like "there's no free night in the church"! smile

LearnAsIgo Sun 12-Feb-17 01:54:43

This can be tricky as we want our kids to feel as happy and comfortable as possible in any situation but brownies is lovely and joyful and happy and fun....if you like the leaders and your daughter enjoys the group, then stick with it. Realising you can go into a group alone, make friends, stick with it in the face of other friends(& their parents) dismissing it....hey you & your daughter are already making waves! Do what's right for you and your girl...if she's happy on the night of brownies, that counts more than other people's opinions the day after..fwiw, mine go to brownies, rainbows, cubs, scouts where they knew no other children originally.....and it's really helped with confidence issues ...and more..
Good luck with it all whatever you decide xx

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 01:57:14

If the children will all end up at same secondary school then deffo keep her in same brownie group

That way she will have more friends at senior school smilesmilesmile

I really think this is more important than trying to persuade the "nice" girls to join her

Especially if you are helping in brownie group, you can see she is having fun smilesmilesmile

Try to deflect conversation about not going and don't bring it up, it is only the "nice clique" trying to persuade her cos they aren't allowed to go so they don't want her to have fun

If she wasn't enjoying it I would be totally be saying you should discuss it fully and in agreement for her pulling out but it seems the only thing wrong is the "nice clique" influencing her to stop cos they aren't allowed to go and are sort of jealous of the fun she is having

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 01:58:19

To be honest I don't see why we should pander to them there Is 14 brownie units in our town. Only 2 of them are full and all the units are within a 1.5mile radius. Everyone of these parents drive so there is absolutely no reason why their daughters can't be brownies. We have brownies every night of the week except Sunday.

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 02:02:30

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and see how we get on this week. Brownies are still on even though school is off so will see what happens. Her unit are going to PGL in April which I'm trying to encourage her to take part in so hopefully all will be well and she will make new friends

RTKangaMummy Sun 12-Feb-17 02:04:16

The "nice clique" are sort of "bullying" and wanting everyone to do as they want to keep the "nice families" and "others" separate

Until of course they are all mixed up in senior school and your DD will have the best transition as she will have lots of different friends in her classes smilesmilesmile

IMHO keep her in same brownies while she is enjoying herself while there and don't worry about after school the next day

underneaththeash Sun 12-Feb-17 10:38:42

I'd just let her know that if she wants to do Brownies then that's the only option.

Incidentally, could you get a little group together to open another Brownie unit in your posh bit of town and then your daughter could go with her friends? I opened a Rainbow unit a few months ago and it really isn't too taxing and was fairly easy to set up.

Chelly123456 Sun 12-Feb-17 11:16:15

We cant open another brownie unit. There is only a church here and a school. The school won't do external bookings and the church is used every other night.

Besides there are 14 brownie units in this town all except 2 have spaces so
I'm loathed to spend my time in opening a new unit when there parents are too lazy to drive a mile down the road. I would rather help at one of the existing units.

I know everyone wants to grow guiding but i think we should start fixing the existing units.

The other parents wouldn't volunteer anyway.

There are 2 new rainbow units opening which is more in need as we only have 5 rainbow units in town.

DropZoneOne Sun 12-Feb-17 11:31:08

Surely their attitude goes against the very ethos of Brownies? It's not meant to be about gaining badges, it's helping others. It should be a melting pot.

It's a hard age though, and I can see why she wants to stop. Would be a shame if she enjoys the activities though. Is there one of her friends that maybe you could persuade the parent? Offer to take them together so the journey can't be used as an excuse? Seems a shame the girls are missing out.

Brownie holidays / camps are fantastic. My DD has been on 2 and had such a great time despite having to clean the loo and make her own sandwiches ;-)

SparklyUnicornPoo Mon 13-Feb-17 10:19:00

My daughter was up until recently the only Brownie from her school, she was the only rainbow from school too. We had about half a term where she was unsure after changing up to Brownies (Rainbows was different because I was her leader) then we started inviting her friend round to play, by her birthday she'd made such solid friends with the Brownies that she invited all of them to her party.

At the very beginning there was a lot of but this event's coming up, if you leave now you won't get to do that, might be worth trying that approach with PGL, in the hope that by then she'll have settled in.

MillicentMargaretAmanda Wed 15-Feb-17 19:41:31

First of all, thank you for helping at the new unit, and secondly, I would try and keep her there if at possible. Sounds like the girls from school are somewhat cliquey and a little mean. These friendship issues tend to get worse as they head towards y4/5 so having a separate group she goes to away from all that could prove invaluable. I run a unit where most girls go to the same school (village) and we get all the fall out from everything that has happened at school.... sigh!

smellyboot Sun 26-Feb-17 23:03:45

Defo keep her in a group where she can escape all the hassles from school that can come with Yr4/5/6 girls. She will enjoy it far more long term

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