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Sporting sibling rivalry

(6 Posts)
Susiesue61 Sun 17-Apr-16 21:27:21

Just wondering how you manage when one sibling is better at something than the others? Dd is 14 and I have 2 boys aged 16 and 10. They all play the same sport. But Dd plays at a higher level than them - partly because there's less competition for the girls, and also because she is probably better/more talented and works harder at it!
It's becoming increasingly difficult to not spend far more time and energy with Dd than the boys, because her training and matches tend to be more frequent and further away. I think Ds1 in particular feels he's revising no getting nagged and Dd gets all the glory.
I don't know if there is a solution. I do make a fuss of the boys when they do well, but there isn't the time to do lovely things with them all, especially pre-GCSEs!!

Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest! Feeling guilty all the time

bojorojo Sun 17-Apr-16 22:43:25

I don't think there is a solution. You are helping your DD do what she wants but the DSs feel a bit neglected. Does it all have to be about sport? Can you treat them to something else? I don't think exams should take up all their spare time so try and find time for everyone. I think families with one talented sibling do tend to bask in the glory of the one sibling. For some families, the talented one gets all the attention. Imagine how families have spent time and effort to support one Olympic athlete - but what time is left for the siblings? I think you have to find a way to share yourself between all of them.

BackforGood Sun 17-Apr-16 22:47:15

I always tried to encourage them to do different things, so it's harder to make direct comparisons.
When One of us has being taking one dc somewhere, we've made certain the other one can get to where they want to go to (with lift shares, etc.) so no-one misses out because of the other's commitments.

nonicknameseemsavailable Mon 18-Apr-16 09:41:11

i nearly posted something similar recently as my 2 are only 2 years apart and do the same activities, one finds it easier than the other and is obviously doing better/has more potential. It is very difficult. I have had to explain to both of them, even though they are very young, that they won't have the same experience of life, they will find one of them (although which one will vary) will always do better than the other and they have to learn to accept this. The only way to avoid it is to do totally different hobbies and subjects. I have also said that I can't not give one opportunities if they are offered for that one just because they aren't offered to the other one.

It is very hard but in many ways it is a good thing to learn. I am not in the position of spending more time with one than the other as a result at the moment but if I was then I think I would have to try and factor in extra time with the other, a couple of hours out doing something like they, trip to the cinema, watching a DVD etc so quality time. I think there is probably also scope for resentment on the amount of money that could be spent extra on one than the other so that is something maybe to factor in, perhaps the one who isn't naturally as good could, if they wanted to, have extra coaching or something to still boost them.

Susiesue61 Mon 18-Apr-16 19:39:13

Thank you for the replies. It's not so much the time, the boys still play so we take them to training and matches, no one misses out.
It's more the attention and praise, from others as much as us. And because she's my only girl, she often wants me to take her, so I think I spend a disproportionate amount of time with her rather than the boys (although they like spending time with DH too!)
I think time is going to become a factor this summer as she's been offered some fab opportunities to improve. And Bojorojo, it is ALL about sport in this house, if they're not playing, it's on the TV, everyone's mad on it!

nonicknameseemsavailable Mon 18-Apr-16 20:32:58

ah well that is good if noone is missing out on quality time.

I can see how the praise thing is an issue though. little things like making sure there is a picture of each of them in their kit for example at home so they are "ranked" equally etc could be helpful, very hard if one is getting more praise from other sources though as you can't balance that at home other than to repeat to them how proud you are of them and how proud they should be of themselves and each other (we are working on the being proud of each other one at the moment - interestingly it is the one who is doing better in our house who seems to find it hardest to congratulate the other one which I find quite shocking but that is the youngest one and she is still young so it will come with time hopefully)

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