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nurturing self confidence?

(7 Posts)
Helenluvsrob Thu 11-Feb-16 08:23:34

Youngest ( of 3) isn't a natural self promoter. Probably because for years the biggies have always been able to do stuff better than her by virtue of, well being older!

She's also a sweet kid who doesn't want to upset anyone, so trampling others in her wake isn't her style.

she's at an age/stage now where she should be leading ( which she does magnificently) and putting herself forward for solos etc. She doesn't really though.

We've had many " they wouldn't choose you if they didn't think you could do it" and " try out for stuff more" type chats but still....

I know she doesn't have to be a soloist etc but the knock on effect on her self belief when she does and ace's it is so good, and she will need this skill to follow through her choral scholarship plans at uni.Its so tricky!

She absolutely nailed a verse/solo quartet in her " songs from the shows " yesterday and is floating today so I hope she notices... her " arch nemesis" of course had a whole solo number.....

Any tips?

Mistigri Thu 11-Feb-16 09:29:40

My DD 14 also lacks self belief, and is very reluctant to put herself forward or get noticed. It's not about shyness, or timidity, because she is a confident performer (has done a number of solo shows, played on the radio etc) but partly because anything seen as "bragging" isn't cool in her peer group, and partly because she really, genuinely doesn't think what she does is unusual or worthy of notice. If I tell her one of her songs is good, it's because I'm "being a mum" (though if I make a suggestion to improve something then I'm being over-critical and interfering with her artistic independence LOL, you really do get to have it both ways when you are 14).

She is fine about playing solo if she is asked by someone. She will never, ever put herself forward though.

Dunno what the answer is. I think this is something they have to want to do for themselves.

dodobookends Fri 12-Feb-16 15:42:18

Sometimes, perhaps they have been demoralised by the antics of the egotistical bragging show-offs, and because the quieter ones loathe people like that they go out of their way to avoid turning into one themselves.

The "Look-at-me-aren't-I-amazing' ones always seem to get picked to do stuff, and the reserved-but-talented ones end up overlooked. That doesn't exactly encourage self-belief. So frustrating and we parents can't do anything!

Mistigri Fri 12-Feb-16 17:06:55

In my DD's case that doesn't seem to be the problem, though it sounds like it could be for Helen's DD.

She's recently been asked to do more radio work which she is perfectly happy to do - she's not usually anxious about performing - but she would never, ever put herself forward.

Helenluvsrob Fri 12-Feb-16 21:17:46

Dodo I think there is an element of that. Arch nemesis is definitely what one might term a ' stage school brat ". The other issue is not wanting to ever do anything less than 100% perfectly.

Of course she never does mess up, so she doesn't learn that it really doesn't matter and you just pretend that you meant that phrase to start a third too low or what ever!

Must knock the arch nemesis too hard - they are sort of friends and she would have had a boring time in music up to GCSE otherwise.

Sarahmummy2016 Mon 07-Mar-16 16:09:36

Hello mummies!
Here is an article that I recommend to better understand some more subtleties of shyness. I found it to be very eye opening:

Also, find some good local kids clubs that offer classes which equip your child with skills. Having good skills in music, dance, etc...really boosts self confidence and changes the mood. Just as an example:

dodobookends Mon 07-Mar-16 17:03:35

Hello mummies! confused

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