Piano- Is it time to give up.

[Viewofthehills]

DD2, age 8 is ready to start learning her grade 2 pieces. However we seem to have reached an impasse. I can make her sit on the piano stool, but i can't make her play and so she isn't progressing much at the moment. I am frustrated because she can finally read the music, identify the rhythm and when she plays something properly it sounds good. She got 128 in her grade 1 so is capable of doing well.

She started playing because she wanted to and I have never been draconian about her practicing. (partly because someone else is usually playing the piano, DD1 is preparing for grade 8 and her Dad plays a lot too).
Do I let her give up? Or has anyone got any good suggestions for anything that might help? Or has anyone had a child who they've managed to get through this stage and who has gone on to enjoy it?

Thanks.

[Katisha]

I found bribery worked pretty well.

[Viewofthehills]

Bribery works to get her to the piano, but less helpful in actually getting her to do anything

[curlew]

If you ask her, what does she say?

[Katisha]

Well the bribe has to be dependent on actually doing the practice surely?

[Viewofthehills]

She has said she wants to give up for the last 6-8 weeks, but wants to play the clarinet instead. I feel that even a bit of piano is useful at secondary school and especially if she wanted to do GCSE.
( I know that's laughably premature, it's just I have older ones)

Piano teacher is fantastic, if quite particular.

[Viewofthehills]

Katisha- Sorry, the idea of the bribe gets her to the piano. Once she's there she would rather not bother with the practice or her reward.
Perhaps my bribes are inadequate.

[Katisha]

It's tough. There us usually someone who will come along and say oh if she doesn't love it then don't make her do it. But I have a lot of sympathy with this article

musicalresources.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/truth-about-piano-lessons.html

Sorry have never quite worked out how to do links on iPad.

Some of the comments are interesting

[Viewofthehills]

Your link worked!
Yes, your article's spot on really and describes just why I don't want her to give up. But if holding out GCSE music as a reason is a long shot, then preventing dementia when she gets ancient is definitely a bit far off.

Well, you've inspired me to have one more go. I think the biggest incentive used to be 1 to 1 time with me, which in a busy house, she loved, as the youngest of three.
However, I'm just not that desirable anymore!

So I'll have a think and regroup- thank you!

[claraschu]

Is she maybe put off by doing exams? They are completely unnecessary (I thing worse than useless for many children). Maybe she would enjoy learning a few Christmas carols, and being the one to play them as you sing on Christmas eve? Or maybe it would be fun to do something 4 hands with Dad. Maybe she would enjoy preparing for a concert, making a programme and tickets and cookies and inviting the neighbours and Grandma over for a preformance, or maybe she would like to play as people arrive for a school assembly. These are all goals which I think are more fun for a child than taking exams.

She might also be put off by other people being so much better than she is at the piano in your house. If she really likes clarinet, that would give her her own thing to do, which nobody else does.

Good luck. It takes a lot of determination to help a child stick with an instrument. I also think it is worth it, but you have to be clever about making sure it is enough fun enough of the time.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

We have just given notice for DS1 to stop his piano lessons, after five years. We think he has reached the limit of his aptitude, he isn't enjoying it any more, and the lessons and practice are making it difficult to cope with the increased workload involved in starting GCSE courses.

However, in your daughter's case, I would say keep going. Perhaps she is overwhelmed at the idea of having to learn three new pieces? If so, then she could spend ten minutes on new learning, then play some pieces she already knows for fun.

Bribery could be linked to time spent practising; fifteen minutes playing the piano earns you fifteen minutes on the iPad/Moshi Monsters/etc.

[Theas18]

If Otoh time it carefully shell get about a 4 eek break over Xmas anyway....at least we have because teacher(and us) are way to busy with everything else!

Sounds like she doesn't really want to give up but have a break from the pressures.

My youngest had moments of"I'll never be as good as them" ie her elder siblings, and If her sis ifs doing grade 8 I bet there is a touch of this..

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I was made to have lessons from about age 7 to 14, largely against my will, I was working to Grade 5 by the time I gave up. I have never gone back to playing music again, so it really did no good at all. I had neither any natural ability or interest. If I had had either it would have made a huge difference, so that is the key thing I think. The exam work was just a relentless slog of deadly dull pieces (30 years ago, may have changed), if I could have played cheerful jolly music instead that would have helped too.

[Wafflenose]

I would buy her a fun Christmas book that she will be able to play straight away - Piano Time Carols might be too easy now, but Chester do a Grade 1-2ish version I think. I would also let her do clarinet. If she can read two clefs at once already, she will find one easy and go very fast. It just might be 'her' instrument!

[eatyourveg]

as its Christmas, do you think she would be more inclined if she had carols to play? If you all had a festive sing song perhaps she would enjoy the attention and at least for the time being it might get her playing again. These are easy ones to start with. I still have my copies from the 70s and as they have guitar chords on them dc play along too.

[Nothingtosay]

Like the Christmas idea. Suggest you want to record something for Granny on the iPad for a Xmas message.

Or

New for 2014 tell her that you are going to start an occasional video diary of things she does that she can look back on when she's older (not necessarily just music).

Sell it to her that this iPad technology didn't really exist for the older two so she and you are going to pioneer this together. Start by recording her current piece and tell her in months to come she will be amazing at it...

Then tell her you propose doing the same with Clarinet if she gets one.

[Chivetalking]

Personally I'd let her give up.

Ds1 did piano (at his own request) from 9 to 12 and then lost interest, wouldn't practice etc etc. He wanted to give up so he did.

He took it up again at uni and has just passed his Grade 7 four marks off a merit and is planning his Grade 8.

Lots of time for her to rekindle an interest as and when she's ready.

[hellsbells99]

As other posters have said, forget grade pieces for a while. Do xmas songs and some current music. She will probably enjoy this more and is still learning. My DDs' teacher says he is amazed at the amount of high grade children who can only play their grade pieces and don't play their own choices for fun. My DDs spend far too much time only playing fun stuff :)

[pigsinmud]

Perhaps piano isn't for her. Ds2 started piano, but only got as far as prep test. He decided he wanted to play the violin, so he started at about 9. He has been much happier with that.
Now, at 13, he is wanting to do a bit of piano again. He has tinkered over the years on the piano. He likes to work tunes out rather than read the music!
I think if a child has been asking to give up for that long, then perhaps they should.

[superlambanana]

You could try the Microjazz or Jazzin' About books. I did these because I got completely fed up with the exam pieces slog, and then went back to other stuff later on. It could be that she's just fed up with the music she's playing.

[Viewofthehills]

We've had two terms of playing fun stuff including Microjazz and she's currently doing Christmas songs. I have been quite determined not to just have her on an exam treadmill, because that took the joy out of it for me when I was learning.

Theas, I think there's a big touch of thinking well I'll never be as good as big sister so I might as well not bother at all. So did your youngest come out the other side of this?

Thanks for all your suggestions. We had a chat in the car home from school and she's very enthusiastic about a concert. My parents are coming for New Year so that will work well.

The new reward is an episode of Star trek with her Dad after a proper practice. (her suggestion) And if that doesn't work I will have to let her stop, I think.

[AnnBryce]

I gave up age ten. I skipped grade one, gained distinction & a merit for grades two & three. I was having theory lessons too and the enjoyment had just gone. My Father was very upset but I was determined I'd had enough. I sort of regret that now but I was resolute at the time. She can always pick it up later in life.

[Fuzzyduck21]

I gave up playing the piano when I was around 15 and your story sounds very familiar! I used to love playing but then one day suddenly felt incredibly shy about others hearing me play and then gradually lost interest. Do you think she could be shy?

I totally regret giving up lessons/playing. My parents still own the piano and when I go to their house i do still occasionally play but wish I was more advanced than I am now although to a certain extent it is like riding a bike. Once you have picked up a certain level of understanding, it can be revisited later on in life without too much trouble.

My parents tried everything to try to encourage me but at that age I was stubborn! Perhaps let her stop and hope that, as others in the household play, her passion will be reignited one day.

[ShellingPeas]

As the younger sibling of a very good pianist I think the issue is she's grade 2, big sister working towards grade 8. Why not give clarinet a try instead? No rivalry and she can be queen of her own patch. I gave up piano and learnt cello and flute instead. (I did return to piano playing and now teach it, and am a MUCH better playing than my sister now )

[Theas18]

Viewofthehills...

Dd2 feels like this what ever she does! Trouble is the older 2 are academic and musical, as is she.She's also 3'5 yrs younger than ds and 6 yrs younger than dd1.

Piano wise she isn't that bothered and is lagging behind where they both were at the same age, however interestingly she's taken a piano roll in her gcse music group!

For other things she is probably"beating them“ but they set the bar so high !

[Viewofthehills]

Theas- that sounds so similar. Age gaps are 7 and 5 years between the older ones and her. DD1 and DS were a very close unit before she was born and she's always tagging along behind. DD2 thinks DD1 is perfect. (she's not) DS is very academic. The end result is to make her feel little and silly.

I think she will regret it if she gives up and both DH and I wish we had been given the opportunity to learn with a teacher half as good as she has. She is fantastic.