fitting in(12 Posts)
Ok, first of all I want to express that I am not some type of reverted snob and believe children are children wherever they come from.
But...... I am a tad concerned for my dd and know there are people from all walks of life who will give their advice on here.
My dd has been trying out for several groups (I shall call them) throughout the summer and last term and has been successful at quite a prestigious one. I haven't mentioned it on other threads and can't name it here for identification and to be fair to the org and my dd.
We are a low income family without airs and graces although I like to think we are socialised. My dd is really concerned about fitting in as she seems to be the only one who doesn't come from a Private school, really affluent area, and speaks like a broad Lancashire lass, where they speak quite posh. I have seen the uniforms and they are out of this world. She will be the only one not in one of these uniforms, but she is H.ed so will go in own clothes.
She starts this week and thinks she isn't good enough because of this.
I have tried everything to explain she is as good otherwise she wouldn't have been chosen, listed all her qualities, told her to be herself etc, but nothing seems to work.
She has achieved so much and will also be the youngest, although the group state they start at dds age. It is an opportunity that few children get and especially in our area, in fact nobody known before.
What should I tell dd, also we have to drop and go and can't really speak to anybody although we do have a parents meeting in couple of weeks. I don't want to bring it up here as I think it may sound ridiculous. Help.
I am sure the dc are lovely, and that dd will be fine but atm she just doesn't seem to believe me when I tell her this. She just says your my mum, you would say that.
Its a long way and a big journey so hopefully the fist day will be an adventure and take her mind off it
I just hope she isn't put off by not realising she is as good as other people.
She is usually such a confident child, it has come as a surprise really. Whether she heard something at one of the auditions I'm not sure.
I will continue to reassure her as much as I can. She was in tears before, can't wait to get Tuesday over.
Thanks again, I knew there would be a voice of reason.
We've had this before. Don't take this the wrong way! Can you make sure she's wearing something that doesn't shout out that she's different? If the others are in uniform because its after school then she'll be different anyway as you say, but wearing something that the other girls think is cool rather than not cool would help. Of course it shouldn't matter!
I used to buy DS tshirts from TK Maxx, he didn't care what he wore but the fact that his peers did helped smooth things along.
I used to buy him Salt rock tshirts I should have said, must be an equivalent for your DD
It depends on the activity but when they get going I'm sure what school they go to etc will be unimportant, it will be the activity that counts/
Bless her heart. You are right - children are just children!! I appreciate this is a huge generalisation but in my experience it's often the lone private school child that is subjected to low level bullying rather than the other way round - simply because there are less of them in life. A private school child will undoubtably have some state school/home ed friends - whether that's people they live near, go to ballet/brownies/swimming with or are the children of their parents friends. On the other hand there are state school/home ed children who may very well not have any friends at private school (or at least not that they've realised anyway!!). They therefore become a curiosity (particularly if they are in uniform!) and other children can be very defensive towards them - expecting them to not want to be friends with them.
Not sure if I am actually making any sense - or being any help at all!! I am just trying to say that I am sure she will be absolutely fine, and maybe if she looks at it from that perspective then it will make her feel better.
Plus there'll probably be quite a few there who are very jealous that she is home ed and doesn't have to wear a uniform!!
I really hope she has a lovely time on Tuesday.
Thank you all so very much, and also for not thinking I was trying to cause a debate.
It doesn't help that she hasn't come across anybody (who she knows of) who goes to a Private school.
The little I did see was fine, the girls in particular were a bit better educated and refined but well mannered and seemed friendly.
I will definitely take the advice of not standing out and will dress her in something plain to begin with, hopefully she'll blend in.
Talk to her about the choices you have made for her. Explain that parents make choices which they think are best for their children, and that the other children's parents have chosen the best education they think they can give their children, but because in your family you have the skills and talents you do, you have chosen to HE. Because it is the best education for your family. She needs to develop pride in her family's ways, because the other children will have been taught pride in their school, and this will come across as intimidating unles she has her own pride.
Fwiw I have read a few of your posts, and she has a LOT to be proud of!
I don't have your skills and talents, and HE is not an option for us, but I know my girls would love to have the education you are giving your Dd.
Good luck to her.
Bumpstarter thank you so much.
I am sorry I missed your post, but came back to give an update.
She has settled nicely and has found another H.ed girl which seemed so strange, as there's not many of them about.
You were right about the pride, as she hears others stories she is appreciating what she has and acknowledging it. I don't mean she was ungrateful before, but she just didn't see it so much.
She still has a little wobble before going in, but most of the younger ones are like this.
My skills and talent aren't anything honestly. I wish I was more patient and could push the English and Maths a bit more and its blind faith that it will come together in the end .
Oh, she wears jeans, pretty tops, jackets etc and atm seems happy with her clothes, just hope it lasts.
Thanks again to all, for the support and lovely comments
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