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School being really horrible about dds dancing

(88 Posts)
Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 14:38:45

My dd is 11 and goes to dancing twice a week.
Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesdays are really hard as she goes to guides straight after do not home until 8.45.
I'm not pushy and she loves what she does. Dies the odd festival in groups and takes her exams.
The school know this as she gets lots of homework and I've had to tell then Tuesdays are difficult.
So this term they are rehearsing for the y6 play.
Dd has a small non speaking part (chorus really)
They scheduled the rehearsal for Tuesdays 3-5 so I e mailed to say I will have to get her at 4.30. It seems this has really annoyed them.
I had a call saying I had to prioritise the school and I said as I pay a lot for dance she needs to attend class.
I feel I'm compromising by leaving her there until 4.30 then rushing her to dancing while she eats in the car.
The teacher has made a couple if remarks to dd about her not going for the full time which has upset her.
So today we get another e mail to say there are now two rehearsal days the other is a Wednesday hmm so she will need to be picked up even earlier which will go down like a lead balloon.
I feel as if they think her dancing is trivial and should always take second place. I wonder if they would feel the same if she was playing for a sports team or having a piano lesson?
Anyone have any experience if this?
I've had to e mail again to say Wednesday is no good either. I feel like a right pain in the arse.

coreny Thu 11-Apr-13 16:15:39

God it sounds awful!

Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 16:24:29

It does doesn't it?
I'm just going to do what I like actually. I just asked dd what she honestly wants and she nearly cried and said I want to do my dance classes

coreny Thu 11-Apr-13 16:27:01

yes do what you like...poor dd sad putting that much pressure on children is just ridiculous

metimenowplease Thu 11-Apr-13 16:27:12

Yay Ledkr, good for you, the school sound totally up themselves.

CoconuttysYoni Thu 11-Apr-13 16:37:53

I would tell the school she won't be at any more rehearsals and let her enjoy the dance class, honestly.

LIZS Thu 11-Apr-13 16:44:38

Very doubtful that she is required at every rehearsal nor than they will only rehearse as an ensemble after school. Write a polite note to the drama teacher that your dd will attend as and when she is able but leave at 4.30 on Tuesdays. Sometimes they tend to get stuck up their own backsides above themselves. I doubt she is the only one with other commitments and it isn't as if she has a lead part. fwiw we've had similar with clashes of music/drama/dance/sport within the same school.

amidaiwish Thu 11-Apr-13 16:58:41

She can't be the only one, surely!
How ridiculous, 30,60,90? Kids staying for 2 hours 2 evenings a week to rehearse an end of term play!!! They'll spend most of that watching the main parts rehearse surely?
Just do the dance classes, turn up only when it suits. I wouldn't be giving tea in the car to squeeze it in either!

MaureenMLove Thu 11-Apr-13 17:02:08

It's a long time since I was doing primary school things, but I do remember pretty much all that yr6 did, after the SATs is rehearse for their end of school show!

It's ridiculous to expect primary kids, to stay in school, after the end of the day, unless they chose to do so. Can they even insist they do? I'm not sure they can. I also don't think primary school can insist homework is done, other than reading and spellings.

I think I would simply reply that DD has other commitments after school, and as far as you are aware, the only compulsory part of education at primary level is to be there between 9 - 3.

Do you have any other children at that school OP? If not, I wouldn't give a flying fig what they thought! You'll be out of there before you know it! grin

TomArchersSausage Thu 11-Apr-13 17:11:16

'Yr6, ignore them it will all be over in July. In our old school the play was a sop to the kids, for turning them into a SATS sausage factory.' Lol that's so true!grin

Do the dancing! My dd also does a lot of dancing and it's pretty expensive. I'd not want her to miss lessons that I'd paid for.

The school can whistle if they think they can start controlling what you/dd do out of school hourshmm

morethanpotatoprints Thu 11-Apr-13 17:19:08

OMG this is ridiculous.

My dd 9 left school last July to prioritise her music and dancing as school was getting in the way grin She was allowed time off to do concerts, shows, exams etc, during school hours and had no problem at all.

No teacher is allowed to suggest you prioritise extra curricular stuff over commitments you already have outside school. This is your time to do what you want and has nothing to do with the school.

If your dd is chorus, I'd ask them for a sheet of the lyrics so your dd can practice at home. Put it in a way like you wouldn't want to let the side down, you know how important it is etc. Then see if the lyrics are forthcoming or if teacher does a quick back track.

Viviennemary Thu 11-Apr-13 18:11:13

They can't make her attend the rehearsal if it's an after school activity. I wouldn't have thought so anyway. If she can't miss her dance class it looks as if she will have to just withdraw from the school show. How can a school run a show if this person and that person can't attend because of this that or the other. If they can't go to rehearsals then they shouldn't be in the show. That's only common sense.

Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 19:03:30

The more I think about it how ridiculous is it the more I feel annoyed. Kids staying after school twice a week for - whole term hmm
If its nice weather we will be going swimming I'm afraid.

freddiemisagreatshag Thu 11-Apr-13 19:11:01

Did you really tell them she wouldn't be doing homework because of dancing and Guides?

Morgause Thu 11-Apr-13 19:12:26

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I thought she was in the school play voluntarily.

By preparing ds for life I meant that if he makes a commitment then he has to see it through and a commitment to the school is an important one and shouldn't be taken lightly as it may mean letting down friends who rely on him.

meditrina Thu 11-Apr-13 19:13:49

What does DD want to do? If it's dancing and Guides, I'd tell the school to stuff off (and I'm usually big on o-operating with schools even when they're being a bit silly).

But it is simply not on to require an after school attendance from a child who cannot comply. If she had applied/auditioned for the part, then I'd say she has to prioritise the play. But as she didn't, then the school should be grateful she can make most of the rehearsals.

Or give year 6 a break from SATS and rehearse during the school day?

Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 19:33:16

Yes freddy I did.
She was doing an hour maths straight after school then eating tea in the car on the way to dancing then being collected and straight to guides until 8.30. Why? Do you think I should have sat her down with homework at 8.45?
She was ten years old and being given homework every night weekend and holiday!
Your point is?

Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 19:37:43

She would like to do both which as she only has to miss half an hour each rehearsal during which surely the main roles can rehearse.
The school make a big point of including all chikdren in the play which is nice but like others have said she can't be the only child who has stuff on.

namechangesrme Thu 11-Apr-13 19:44:03

No. I think you should have prioritised homework over guides or dancing.

That's what I would have done.

And my children have all had homework every weeknight, and from P4 every weekend plus projects and other work to complete in the holidays.

namechangesrme Thu 11-Apr-13 19:45:27

N/c fail. Just as well I've not posted the thread I was going to start yet.


Ledkr Thu 11-Apr-13 20:03:50

Well that's up to you. I personally feel its important to have balance and all my children have done well at school as well as having hobbies.
Two of my ds work now in their chosen interests and earn good money.
Very important to have social interests and hobbies IMO.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 11-Apr-13 20:04:33


Thats an awful lot of homework. I don't think we would have fit all that in a month, let alone a week. I really have never come across this before, and never in the holidays.

I'm pretty sure that homework isn't compulsory anyway. You can refuse to sign the home/school agreement if you want to. Mine never received much and always managed, except for dd and they were fine with her not having any. Some of the other dcs didn't see why she didn't get any but its up to the parents and it doesn't always suit everyone.

clam Thu 11-Apr-13 20:05:43

At primary level, I wouldn't prioritise homework over dancing - not at the level this child appears to be at. Also, it sounds as if there is homework set every other day of the week (over the top, if you ask me) so presumably she can complete that.
I no longer run an after-school club (do it at lunchtime instead) as there were so many children who would only attend on-and-off due to other commitments including play-dates. So no, ledkr, your dd won't be the only one unable to make these rehearsals.

Picturesinthefirelight Thu 11-Apr-13 20:06:37

My dd is also in year 6 but their leavers play is being rehearsed in school time. Oddly enough loads of kids with main parts keep missing rehearsals due to sports matches

Dd dances and dies drama & singing as her regular commitments take priority. Sometimes that jeans she has to make hard choices eg she mussed auditions for a show she would have liked I have been in because it clashed with rehearsals for a show she had already commited to. She told her school music teacher that she couldn't sing in the choir at the music festival because it ckashed with another class. She has passed up the opportunity to move up into an auditioned dance group because of her ballet exam class.

The key I think is giving enough notice and not letting people down.

Same day homework isn't dive here either. Dd wants to audition for college at 16 so it us important to her.

freddiemisagreatshag Thu 11-Apr-13 20:07:04

Ledkr my kids do have a balance and do many and varied activities outside school and my two eldest are about to graduate.

I just would have prioritised homework over two out of school activities on the same night.

But I seem to be in the minority.

Picturesinthefirelight Thu 11-Apr-13 20:10:36

I have to say that we didn't allow dd to join guides as we felt it would have been too much on top of her dance/drama commitments & school.

She was not willing to drop a class and indeed wanted to do extra dance so guides was a no no.

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