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Should I encourage her to stop the lessons? Bit long

(4 Posts)
CarefulUpThere Wed 27-Mar-13 20:00:41

Thank you both for replying. Interesting to hear about your dd sparklymommy, sounds like the dancing is going really well.

The update is we discussed it again this morning and she has now decided to give up the lessons, although I've said we can go just for fun when she wants to. I'm half wondering if she might change her mind after Easter when it comes to the crunch of telling her teacher but we'll see.

This evening she persuaded DH not to take her to ballet on the basis her foot hurt; am now wondering a bit why I bother with extra activities!

Maybe it is the end of term making her a bit tired.

Sparklymommy Wed 27-Mar-13 09:13:05

My daughter used to have skating lessons. We eventually quit them as it was a logistical nightmare and her coach wanted her there more and more. It was ditched in favour of ballet, which has now taken over our whole lives!

If its a financial issue then maybe stopping wouldn't be a bad thing. If not, and she is enjoying the classes when she is there and when pressed doesn't want to give up then I wouldn't worry too much. My Dd often doesn't like the idea of going to dance classes (or tutoring) but once there she enjoys and invariably she comes out happy. She never practises unless I nag relentlessly and yet when it comes to performances she always shines.

In the past when we've suggested she cut down she can never do it, and when she did mention to her dance teacher that she didn't want to do a national solo anymore her teacher suggested we drop it from her festival programme. When she then realised she hadn't been entered for it at the next festival she was inconsolable! Needless to say she now has another national solo!

So in answer to your query I suggest unless she genuinely seems unhappy when skating or expresses a direct wish to stop I would let her continue.

Hassled Tue 26-Mar-13 21:58:32

I think keep on with the no pressure to practice approach that you have now. As long as she still enjoys the lessons when she's there, I think that's fine - if she makes no progress, then that's also fine as long as she's having fun, which from the sounds of it she is.

Reassure her maybe that you won't really be sad if she stops, and that there's lots of other things she could do instead - the less pressure it seems, the more she'll probably go for it. And if in a few months it's clear she'd rather be doing anything else, then make the decision to stop for her.

CarefulUpThere Tue 26-Mar-13 21:50:22

Dd1 is nearly 6. She has been having lessons in ice skating for about a year now, it was her request to do this at the start.

The thing is, she is clearly a bit ambivalent or maybe currently stuck in a bit of a rut with it.

On the plus side - She loves her teacher and generally concentrates well in her lesson. She also enjoys having a practice/play/mess about with other children for a bit before her lesson, and asked to go extra early today to have more time for this. I skate too, and she sometimes asks to come with me at another time in the week to her lesson. Sometimes she talks about wanting to be able to do spins and jumps.

However, she increasingly says "oh no" when I remind her the day before her lesson that we will be going (once asking if we could go to McDonald's instead, or more sensibly do swimming instead) and isn't inspired to do much proper practice outside of her lesson. I think she is progressing quite slowly. On the day of the lesson she will sometimes say she doesn't want to go, but doesn't make a fuss when I remind her we need to give her coach notice about missed lessons. She said "hooray" when reminded there is no lessons at Easter.

I had previously suggested giving up at Easter, but faced with this she decided to carry on, this evening after the "hooray" comment I said she could give up next half term but she then said she wants to carry on.

I reminded her it is supposed to be fun, and she doesn't have to do it because I do, and that I won't be cross if she gives up the lessons, we can go just for fun when she feels like it. I would be sad if she stopped though so she has probably picked up on this, but on the other hand she is assertive and not a "people pleaser".

Not really sure whether to just muddle on or suggest more strongly she stops. I have stopped encouraging/nagging her to practice and just let her have fun in her own way outside of the lesson.

I raised it with her coach, he just said to give him a few weeks notice if she does decide to stop. Someone else will have her slot if she stops, so can't just miss a term and see. It took several months for the coach to have a free slot at a time we could do at the start.

Sorry so long.

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