What do you do when they muck about in Swimming?

[r3dh3d]

Apols for long and waffly post. If you can wade through it, advice gratefully received...

DD2 does a whole pile of activities: she's 6 and we're kind of at that stage of trying a lot of different things to see what she likes to do.

One of them is swimming, but imo this one's non-negotiable. They will have lessons at school, starting from next year, but most of her friends can swim already. I've talked to mums with kids higher up the school and because they all start off being reasonably competent school lessons are more a case of bringing them on rather than teaching the basics: DD2 isn't quite what I call "swimming" yet, and if she stops now she'll be further behind. Plus at Easter we bought a boat (a teeny tiny one, but still a boat...) and one of the conditions of buying it in the first place was that DD2 would learn to swim so that she's confident in the water and doesn't panic if she falls in. She'll have a life jacket of course, but still will be safer if she's a swimmer. DD2 agreed that this was a deal, so the boat was bought.

The thing is, unlike other activities she does, swimming is boring. There are no games, she just plods up and down doing exercises. The teacher is competent though not charismatic - but there isn't a lot of choice locally so this is as good as it's going to get. I need to remind DD2 from time to time about why she is doing it and how important it is, and even so her heart isn't in it like it is with eg gymnastics or riding. But to be fair to her, she plods on, and because she's actually pretty good at it when she tries, as long as she pays attention and goes through the motions then she makes progress. If she actually tried properly I think she could be properly good. But that's her choice.

She has got to the point where she can swim a length of the pool on her back, but hasn't quite mastered the breathing for front crawl so can't get far on her front. But considering where she started from (quite nervous around water to start with) and that she's not bothered whether she goes or not, I thought she was doing pretty well.

Today it all went pear-shaped. The little boy she shares the lesson with did really well to start with (which I think annoyed her because they are usually pretty much the same level) and then managed to bang his knee on the side and came out crying and got lots of fuss and attention and DD2 didn't. After that her attitude went completely to pot and she basically ignored the teacher and started doing random stuff and not what she was supposed to be doing at all. Then she pretended she couldn't hear, and eventually when it finally sank in that she was in trouble, she fiddled with her goggles, put them back on wrongly and then got into hysterics in the middle of the pool because she couldn't see and was scared and had to be removed from the pool and taken home early. Major meltdown and a tantrum in the car.

I'm quite strict, so I went with my instinct and laid down the law: it's a massive hassle getting her to swimming (including taking her severely disabled sister out of school half an hour early and then carrying her to the poolside, which is doing my back in) and DD2 is being a total primadonna about it. So I've told her that she has to do swimming and she has to behave in class and put in a reasonable amount of effort, or else I am going to start cutting the "fun" activities because she doesn't get to pick and choose. Various minor sanctions were applied.

However, it feels "wrong" to be hauling her over the coals for not enjoying an extracurricular activity. I guess in an ideal world I'd find a brilliant teacher who made every lesson fun and got her so interested that she'd try her best every time. But then again, on that basis she wouldn't have to do her homework if school failed to make homework "fun" every night. I could just write in the homework book: "homework too boring to contemplate tonight, please try harder." The truth is, there are things you just have to do.

Any advice/experience?

[Lindax]

ds was 7 when we started him on his first swimming lessons, before then he was also very water shy. After the first few group lessons (30 mins in the pool mostly spent waiting around) we thought it wouldnt work for long as he would get bored.

We kept up the group lessons (to get the badges) and also did one-to-one lessons, where the instructor can motivate them more (do a length and then you can practice some diving for sinkers etc). ds's strokes are also much smoother/less splashing the his peers in the group lessons as he has been fortunate to have had the one to one teacher focusing in on his technique.

This kept ds interested as he has progressed quickly though the group lessons/badges (sense of achievement).

Appreciate the one-to-one lessons can get expensive (we are lucky they are only £11 on our area, otherwise this wouldnt have been possible for us) but I think they can work out cheaper in the long run as they are swimming all strokes within 6 months/1 year instead of group lessons alone taking years to complete.

[AdventuresWithVoles]

most people I know would only take them until they go to about ASA level 3-4. Basically, where they can swim confidently & not drown, you'd turn your back on them in the pool without worrying. I would set that as a goal that she understands & let her choose whether to continue once she's mastered Level 3, 4, or whatever.

It's too much hassle for you, otherwise.

I have similar set up with DC & am straining with DS2, who is immature but also a lopsided swimmer (he hasn't mastered level 4 yet); I think he needs it regularly or he will regress badly. He doesn't like it, though, much protest of late :(.

[3nationsfamily]

The key is to back off a bit and make it fun!! Why not take her for a fun swim in between the lessons and let her play, build her confidence in the water and she is much more likely to WANT to swim . Yes, it is a life skill/ safety issue but nobody likes to be forced to do things at a young age. She will make more progress in her lessons if she gets a chance to practice (even without realising it) whilst splashing about with other kids or her family just for fun.

[LynetteScavo]

I agree, she will progress a lot faster if she has a fun swim inbetween lessons.

Would you consider bribing rewarding her if she behaves during the lesson?

[r3dh3d]

Fun swim would be v difficult, alas. We don't really have friends/family she can go with. I'd try to rig some sort of swim playdate but the issue is I'd have to be in the water and I have to be poolside with her sister.

[UptoapointLordCopper]

How often has things gone pear-shaped? I ask because verything in this house has gone pear-shaped recently - I call it the nearly-half-term syndrome. It may be just that she's tired and has had enough (not to excuse the behaviour, just a reason - I'm a bit on the stricter side myself ...)

We always set small specific achievable short-term goals - like straighter legs, or something like that. Then the kids (and me) feel like we have achieved something and everyone is pleased with themselves and progress doesn't seem impossible. It is always easier to work towards something tangible than just "learning to swim".

Is it possible at all to let her splash about a bit in the pool after the lesson?

[dangerousliaison]

I would have let the instructors deal with it and not taken her home early, she was bidding for attention, so let them sort it out and back off a bit. if they requested she gets out the pool I would have had her sit pool side untill the slot was finished. also some times these things happen with 6 year olds I would'nt get overly disapointed in her over this. just dont give into to the attention.

[talkingnonsense]

Could you take her to a fun pool, with slides etc, in half term( assuming someone else can care for her sister, sorry if this is a problem), and have a lovely time- then promise it again once she can swim? I agree it is a good idea to get her confident before school lessons as otherwise they might really knock her back ( confidence wise). I would also be laying down the law a bit- and make sure she has a dull time watching while her sister does something, so she realises its bat all about her- hard at 6!!

[justalittlemum]

What about getting a cuppa and not watching as you say you are strict? Sometimes it helps and letting her know before she goes in the pool that you are giving her that independence.

Should something happen it should up to the instructor to deal with this and if they fail to remedy issues then it might be worth trying a different swim centre or a new instructor.

[PerimenopausalMyArse]

If it was anything other than swimming I would suggest that you just drop it and maybe come back to it later if she wanted BUT like you swimming is non-negotiable in our house, partly because we now live in Sydney where back yard pools are very common. Bearing in mind the boat thing you are really in the same situation.

You are basically aiming to get her to a reasonable stage of competency in the water as quickly as possible. Is there any chance you could change her lesson from 2:1 to 1:1 as obviously she will get more out of the lessons and there are no distractions from other kids? I know a lot of people would disagree, but I think making other things she enjoys dependent on her at least making a reasonable effort is a fair strategy too.

I know you have already said that fun swimming is a really difficult thing for you to arrange, but swimming really is one of those things that needs regular practice until you get to a certain stage, after that it becomes one of those things you can just do. DD was 6 when we arrived here and I enrolled her in swimming lessons, but it was really the first Summer where she spent a minimum of 2 hours a day in the pool that turned her into the kind of swimmer you want them to be. We ditched the lessons after that.

[Hebiegebies]

Both my kids learnt to swim at about 5/6 while on holiday at center parcs (other holiday destinations with swimming pools are available.....)

Swimming everyday for a few hours in warm water with lots if fun things to do motivated them in a way lessons never do

Warm
Fun
No teaching
Lots of hours close together
MUM in pool too

That's what I think helped

[Hebiegebies]

Sorry just seen your comment about beng poolside with sister, so my last comment might be crass.

Why can't sister be in pool too? There might be a very good reason, sorry if it's difficult