Talk

Advanced search

Brexit Arms Festive Special. Will the Grinch steal christmas? Could it be ‘Christmas with the Kranks?’ Or will we end up with a ‘Blue’ Christmas after all?...🤷🏻‍♀️🎄

(986 Posts)
EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:00:12

First off, comrade Hilda has been busy in the propaganda dept! Praise be to Hilda! The dear leader will appreciate and reward your efforts with a cushy job in the newly opened Ministry of Bullshit. ✊🥀

Specials board.

⭐️ Snacks.

•Salty Bar nuts
(we always have too many)

•Marrow crisps,
I know you all hate them, but we had a glut and needed to do something with them. 🤷🏻‍♀️😬

⭐️ Mains.

A festive choice of...

•’Properly Stuffed’ “Christmas voting” Turkey.

•Festive Glazed Gammons.

•Goose that laid the Gilded socialist egg.

•’Whigs’ in blankets.

•Sauce for the Goose and Sauce for the Gander

•Brussels’ sprouts.
Divisive, yet still popular in some quarters...

•Neeps and tatties.
Grown in Corbyn’s Communist plot and kindly gifted back to us by the SNP.

<NB- We don’t have gravy in quite yet, 😔 but apparently once the nationalised gravy train arrives, there will be plenty for all. >

⭐️Festive Drinks.

•Rebecca’s long Baileys.
Seems nice enough, but can be vicious if you have too much.

•Corbyn’s Victory Gin.
State sanctioned by big brother.

•Bag in, artisan Earl Grey Cocktail.
A Boris election special.

•Red flag Rum.
for the singing socialists among us.

•Egg nog.
Gifted by Trump. Sticks in your throat a bit, but it’s polite to drink it and pretend to half enjoy it anyway.

•The #ClassicDmitri.
Shaken and stirred. A Russian Vodka based Cocktail, shrouded in mystery and intrigue. No one really knows how it came to exist, but all we know is, that it might have happened. Somewhere. And now it’s on the menu. Enjoy!

⭐️Desserts.

•Imported Panettone.
Get it fast, I’m reliably informed we will never ever have it again post Brexit.

•Traditional Christmas pudding.
have a good look for that old fashioned sixpence inside, we might need it when all the money runs out.

•Damson jam steamed pudding.
I’m told by the suppliers, that It’s like the infamous Mumsnet chicken, we can get eleventy billion servings from it and still have more for the freezer.

As always, welcome to all who pass through this place, but, as ever please observe the sign above the bar. If you can’t read it. It says...

DON’T BE A TWAT.

🎄 🌟 🎁 🍸 🥜 🦃 🎅

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:01:24

Continuing the festive theme from the last thread!

“On the Twelfth day of christmas comrade Corbyn gave to me:

Twelve Unions striking
Eleven Brexit policies
Ten dodged apologies
Nine Fan-boys chanting
Eight comrades toiling
Seven definitions for Women
Six wreaths a laying

Five, closed eyyyyeesss.

Four Bank holidays,
Three Benn amendments,
Two referendums
And nationalised electricity 🎶”

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 15:04:19

😂Signing in. Thank you, Landlady, and a builders brew for me please.

Love the new menu!

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:06:14

Builders Brew coming up! brew smile

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:08:04

I did carefully construct the original Menu draft, with underlines, bolds and italics, but! Alas. Formatting issues in transferring, so sorry if it looks a tad wordy... 😂

howabout Mon 02-Dec-19 15:12:09

star menu

If it's cocktail hour then I'm all for the #ClassicDmitri please.

MatildeHidalgo Mon 02-Dec-19 15:15:19

I saw this in Active Convs and thought it was the new Archers thread blush

I'll get me coat ...

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:15:56

A #ClassicDmitri here for you How! 🍸

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:16:54

Hahaha! Matilde, you are more than welcome, even in the absence of fictional radio farmers!

MatildeHidalgo Mon 02-Dec-19 15:34:14

Thank you, Epic I'm a Labour voting remainer but - in the spirit of seasonal goodwill - I'll have a G&T.

If you're buying!

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:35:53

Soooo... any bets on a Bigly Trump disaster whilst he is here? Is liz mostly tasked with babysitting him? Or do we have to contend with his political opinions on the UK again? 😬 Although, if he must say anything at all, it might be helpful for him to reiterate once again, (officially of course and not just in a bizarre Nige radio interview) that the NHS is not on the table. But after that. Be quiet. Very fucking quiet. 😂

A nailbiter for sure! 😬

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:36:57

“Thank you, Epic I'm a Labour voting remainer but - in the spirit of seasonal goodwill - I'll have a G&T. “

A G&T is winging it’s way to you now Matilde! wink gin 🎄

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:38:09

Maybe we can just distract Trump with some crayons and colourful balloons? 🎈 🖍

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 15:45:25

Or perhaps just drop a spider down his cleavage at the appropriate moment, as has just happened to me... 🕷 😱😱😱

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 16:06:40

😱*Epic*! Hope you've recovered from your ordeal!

Reminds me of the time a colleague of mine on nights went to check the cells and a cockroach did the same. It dropped down off the ceiling. Aargh! She nearly ripped her uniform blouse off and remembered just in time why it would be a Bad Idea.

I refrained from reminding the occupants of the cells that the rules strictly forbade them from keeping pets.

DustyDiamond Mon 02-Dec-19 16:08:19

🎄 🎅🏻 🔔 🎁 🥳

MERRY CHRISTMAS ELECTION!!!!!!

Thanks for the new thread comrade Epic ⭐️

Love the festive offerings 😂😂😂😂

Will catch up laters comrades

✊🥀🙏🕯

#PrayForSally
#ClassicDmitri
#CockOffCorbyninski
#BJ4Brexit

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 16:17:17

any bets on a Bigly Trump disaster whilst he is here?

Last time, he advised Theresa to sue the EU over the negotiations.

This time, I'm expecting to hear:

"A big beautiful trade deal"
"My friend, Boris. Great guy, great guy. Big friend of mine"
"Nigel, another big friend of mine. Huge. He'd be great as the British ambassador to the USA. I'm gonna ask my friend Boris to think about it while I'm here".
"Love the Queen. Big admirer of mine. Huge. She reminds me of Mom".

Maybe we can just distract Trump with some crayons and colourful balloons? 🎈** 🖍

Perhaps put them in a special Presidential version of a Happy Meal?

Melania, can't you do anything? Take his mobile off him for a few days? We'll ask the Queen to confer an honorary DBE on you, if that's what it would take to convince you.

BaloneyInMySlacks Mon 02-Dec-19 16:26:21

Love the Queen. Big admirer of mine. Huge. She reminds me of Mom.

Andrew, stand up guy. We know a lot of the same people.

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 16:30:00

😂 What's the betting that PA will not even be allowed in the same room while The Donald is here.

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 16:35:07

“😂 What's the betting that PA will not even be allowed in the same room while The Donald is here.”

With any luck Queenie will hide him in the Tower of London. Wouldn’t be the end of the world if he got forgotten about in there either...

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 16:38:03

Which one, her son? Or the other one? grin

Room for both...

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 16:41:37

“Aargh! She nearly ripped her uniform blouse off and remembered just in time why it would be a Bad Idea.”

Accidentally undressing in unexpected situations appears to be a unique skill of mine too...

Once in the middle of a busy street whilst flapping away at a bee that had landed on my shirt, my jeans were slack due to dieting and duly fell to my ankles. 😱

Another time, was during the 5.2 Market Rasen earthquake. It happened at about 1am, I thought a jumbo jet had crashed into the street or something because of the noise, and the house was bouncing up and down, so in my panic and disoriented state from being woken in such a way, I switched the light on and flung the curtains open to see if the the rest of the street remained intact. It took me a good minute to realise, that whilst everything was completely normal outside, I was stood there, light on, at the window, completely fucking starkers... 😳😳😳

EpicShitDippedBatBiscuit Mon 02-Dec-19 16:42:26

“Which one, her son? Or the other one? grin”

I was thinking the Son, but am open to both! 😂

derxa Mon 02-Dec-19 16:44:57

.

SingingLily Mon 02-Dec-19 16:51:50

😂🤣*Epic*. Never a dull moment for your neighbours, eh?

One of our neighbours at the back is the self-appointed Neighbourhood Watch. With binoculars and everything. Which is all very well when the trees are in full leaf but at this time of the year, it's a bit trickier. She let slip the other day that she knows our routine exactly because of the time the lights go out.

GE night will fox her though grin

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »