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Westministenders: Theresa's Common People

(890 Posts)
RedToothBrush Thu 18-May-17 13:50:58

She came from Oxfordshire she had a thirst for knowledge
She studied geography at Saint Hugh's College
That's where politics
Caught her eye

She told them that her husband was loaded
The press barons said "In that case have a rum and coca-cola"
She said "Fine"
And in thirty seconds time she said

I want to look like common people
I want to do whatever common people do
I want to eat like common people
I want to sleep like common people
Like you

Well what else could Fiona and Nick do
They said "We'll see what we can do"

They took her to a supermarket
I don't know why
But they had to start it somewhere
So it started there
They said pretend you've got no money
She just laughed and said
"Oh you're so funny"
They smiled "Yeah”
Well we can't see anyone else smiling in here

Are you sure you want to live like common people
You want to see whatever common people see
You want to eat like common people
You want to sleep like common people
Like me

But she didn't understand
She just smiled and held Trump’s hand

Order that benefits get the chop
Tell them all to get a job
Promise to bring back the grammar school
Pretend you don’t think them a fool
But still you'll never get it right
'Cause when you're laid in bed at night
Watching the news talking about building the wall
All have to do is call your mates to fake it all

You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
Whilst you blame it all on the EU
Because that’s all you can do

Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get Brexit through
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh about leaving the EU

It’s the most stupid thing that you will do
Because you think that it is cool
You’ll call them a ‘lying foreigner’
But don’t say we didn’t warn you
You’ll regret saying we are better off out
'Cause everybody hates a benefits tourist

It doesn’t matter if you can’t do the math
With all those pockets that you grease
You’ll win the vote in Bath

You will never understand
How it feels to live your life
With no meaning or control
And with nowhere left to go
You are amazed that they exist
And wish they were all white
So you tell ‘The Big Lie’

Get THE flat above THE shop
Cut your hair and get THE job
Trick some mugs and hire some fool
Pretend you are not really cruel
But still you'll never get it right
Instead you're plotting late at night
About which ‘cockroach’ will take the fall
All have to do is call your mates to fake it all
Yeah

You'll never live like common people
You'll never do what common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
As we plan to leave the EU
Because there's nothing else left to do

But ‘moan’ about how we don’t want to leave the EU.

HashiAsLarry Thu 18-May-17 13:55:04

Love it!
Thanks 💐

Peregrina Thu 18-May-17 14:00:57

placemarking.

CeciledeVolanges Thu 18-May-17 14:06:28

I love that Red. Sorry I've been silent for ages (or perhaps sorry for coming back!) but I've missed you all and this conversation!

BiglyBadgers Thu 18-May-17 14:26:15

This is a true thing of beauty Red. grin

LurkingHusband Thu 18-May-17 14:28:50

.

prettybird Thu 18-May-17 14:37:51

Tories will move "significant numbers" of civil servants and other public servants out of London

Mentioned this to dh (who used to head up Glasgow's Inward Investment team). His comment was, "Aye, as far as Croydon hmm"

His one big civil service success was, back in the 90s, getting the Army Personnel Centre to consolidate from 19 centres around the world to one in Glasgow. Very few moved from London though. hmm

(His main success was to establish Glasgow - and then Scotland on its shirttails - as a centre for call centres)

With Hard Brexit imminent and Scottish independence looking ever more likely, going back into Inward Investment in Scotland in a few years' time might be a good idea! wink

<shameless placemark> grin

Charmageddon Thu 18-May-17 14:43:32

.

MangoSplit Thu 18-May-17 14:44:46

Brilliant Red!

Charmageddon Thu 18-May-17 14:49:38

Just read your OP Red!

I may be a Maybot, but I love it ❤️

Loving your work grin

prettybird Thu 18-May-17 15:54:10

Out of interest: the Conservative manifesto stating that 11year olds must know their timetables.......is that up to 10 or 12? wink

After all, we needed to learn up to 12x12 when I was at school in the 80s because of £sd - and it would appear that we're going back that way wink

Dh tells me that one lad at his secondary school had been taught all the way up to 20x20 at the primary school he'd been at shock - they wete all very impressed grin. He wasn't very good at Maths though hmm

LurkingHusband Thu 18-May-17 15:59:23

Tory manifesto promises to introduce compulsory ID for voting.

And I was told I was being fanciful when I asked if Leavers would be prepared to accept ID cards as a result of Brexit ?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eu_referendum_2016_/2832459-How-many-leavers-would-support-ID-cards

How could I have known ?

Peregrina Thu 18-May-17 16:09:31

Yes, LH - it was an interesting thread and one which wasn't tied to Remain or Leave. I think I said at the time that my parents would have struggled to find photo ID once they got past 70, yet they were still keen to vote. They let their driving licences lapse when they gave up driving because they were no longer safe, and didn't bother to renew their passports because they stopped taking foreign holidays. They never got their bus passes, preferring to take taxis if they went anywhere.

How many people won't be able to afford a passport or driving licence? BTW, I haven't moved house for donkeys years so still have the old non-photo driving licence.

BiglyBadgers Thu 18-May-17 16:21:30

I never learnt my times tables at primary school. I remember very clearly that we had a tracker thing and you got to go up it as you learnt each one up to 12. I didn't get very far up and stubbornly refused to make an effort, after a while I think my teachers gave up on me. Somehow despite this I have managed to bumble through life and am actually pretty good at maths. It seems a rather random thing to consider putting in a manifesto.

Charmageddon Thu 18-May-17 16:27:33

I had to learn my 17 & 35 times tables when I worked in a casino (for the roulette odds) - I had to be able to tot up the payouts in just a few seconds...
No way I could do that now! grin

RedToothBrush Thu 18-May-17 16:30:14

How could I have known ?

Magic. Just like I said that the triple lock would go. And my many comments about democracy being under threat.

Perhaps we could go into partnership in a fortune telling company. I suspect there are many opportunities post Brexit.

I mean there is a faith healer who is standing for the Tories who claimed she healed someone so hey we could be onto something here.

LurkingHusband Thu 18-May-17 16:31:51

How many people won't be able to afford a passport or driving licence?

How about people who can't hold a license (blind), and have had to surrender their passport (court ordered) ?

Or is this the Tory answer to preventing prisoners voting ? (Obviously no problem disenfranchisng the disabled - they'd only waste their vote anyway).

LurkingHusband Thu 18-May-17 16:33:39

Perhaps we could go into partnership in a fortune telling company. I suspect there are many opportunities post Brexit.

Well, my next prediction (more of an observation) is the slowly declining worth of being a pure UK citizen when it comes to high skill jobs.

pointythings Thu 18-May-17 16:40:16

Pure genius, Red.

People are going to think the Social Care part of the Tory manifesto is great, aren't they? Turkeys, Christmas.

Motheroffourdragons Thu 18-May-17 16:43:49

Opening post is a feat of genius. Love a bit of Pulp, I think your words are better Red!

How many threads are we on to now ?

Motheroffourdragons Thu 18-May-17 16:48:22

politicalscrapbook.net/2017/05/the-tory-manifesto-is-a-completely-uncosted-right-wing-wish-list/#more-63870

So they don't want us to know what the numbers are, but call Labour out on their numbers not adding up!

Badders123 Thu 18-May-17 16:48:55

....

HashiAsLarry Thu 18-May-17 16:49:26

I learned my times tables at primary school. Unlearned them by a level grin

RedToothBrush Thu 18-May-17 16:51:33

People are going to think the Social Care part of the Tory manifesto is great, aren't they?

I think I'm going for the next prediction of loads of people being totally shocked and outraged about it when they find out about the policy. After 9th June.

LurkingHusband Thu 18-May-17 16:54:41

I suspect we're in boiling frog territory here - like PFI.

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