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Everybody needs good neighbours...

(4 Posts)
raemeg Tue 05-Jun-18 23:03:41

How do I politely tell my neighbour that living above her is turning into a constant stress?

I live in an upstairs maisonette. When we moved in the downstairs neighbour seemed nice - maybe a bit gossipy but nice. Slowly things have deteriorated to the point that, now she's back from a 2 week holiday, I can feel my blood pressure rising and just want to cry (might be a bit extreme but I'm pregnant, my emotions are a little, ahem, extreme).

She's not a nightmare in a call-the-police way. If she was it at least would be cut and dry her fault. Instead I'm not sure if I'm being picky...

1 - she smokes cannabis. I don't really care what she does but it means we can't keep our back windows open in hot weather or else the smell seeps in. We had to have the bathroom remodelled partially because the smell was coming up in the ventilation. Visitors who don't know me and my husband (eg builders etc) have asked if it's us who are causing the stench. I dread when the HV visits once my new baby is born.
2 - she slams doors. ALL THE TIME. I can tell you that she wakes up at 4am because that's when the slamming starts. I can also tell you that she goes to bed around 11pm. It's every 5-10 minutes, except when she's at work between 8:30 and 5:30. And it wakes my 17 month old. I'm tired, he's tired.
3 - Her dog (small thing with bulging eyes) barks at everything. If I use my back garden it barks for the whole time I'm out there; the whole time. If I open a window it barks. If it hears me talking it barks. If it sees my toddler it has to be restrained. Another neighbour has told me that it bit her grandchild.
4 - Her back garden is immediately next to the maisonette. Her tree blocks all light from my bedroom. It's only a meter from the window and next summer I might have to start charging it rent!
5 - She seems to think we should do things for her. For example, her hedge overhangs our path so we cut it back - she suggested that we would cut it on her side too and pay for the garden waste disposal. When we work up the will power to ask for garden access to get our windows cleaned (twice in 18 months as it's a rigmarole) she says we should pay for her's to be cleaned at the same time.
6 - the one night (ever) that my little boy was crying for a long time at night (he was about 9 months and was just not well) she knocked on the door the next day and asked if we had not heard him (!) and said that she had called "her friend" who's a paediatrician at a "top London hospital" as she was so worried about him. She's not got kids and though I tried to explain, the implication that I was in some way neglectful was very clear.

I know this is petty. As I write it I sound petty in my mind. But I'm stressed and I don't know what to do. Address it? Address some of it? Write it down? Talk to her?

We will move as soon as finances allow (we have a mortgage and backing out early would incur fees) but that's at least a year away.

welshmist Tue 05-Jun-18 23:15:06

You are not petty at all, she sounds like a fruit loop to be honest. I would contact the Council who have experience in these matters. There are so many different things going on with your neighbour.

welshmist Tue 05-Jun-18 23:16:41

Oh and you can do something about the cannabis.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/what-can-neighbours-smoking-cannabis-10314237

Bobbiepin Tue 05-Jun-18 23:22:06

Maybe bring some things up in a 'I'm sure you weren't aware manner. I haven't mentioned before because I just knew you would feel terrible but You're keeping my son up with the doors closing rather heavily. Would you be a dear and be more gentle. Alternatively, start jumping a lot once she's gone to bed.

Then on a separate day make a suggestion about the dog barking and your friend who is a top vet is sure that an overgrown rabid rat like dog shouldn't be barking that much, are you sure you can hear him?

You dont sound U, pregnancy or not. I feel for you.

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