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Apology needed?

(36 Posts)
sophiesmother Fri 06-Oct-17 21:22:39

So a friend invited three families (we are one of them) to dinner by a group text sent on a Friday for a Sunday dinner. He heard from two families, but not the third (me). On Sunday about two hours before dinner, he texted the group again asking if we were coming to dinner. No response. Once at dinner, he texted my daughter directly to find out where we were. When she told him we weren't included on the group text and have no idea what he's talking about, we never heard a thing back. I'm told from others that were there that he realized he forgot to include us on the invitation, but 5 days later we have received no apology or anything. I reached out to say that since I always respond to his texts within the hour that I would have never blown off an invitation. Still nothing. The text from me was read. What kind of person doesn't apologize for that? I'm wasn't mad as it was an honest mistake but to not apologize just seems rude AF. Opinions?

JoJoSM2 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:50:09

Looks like they didn’t invite you by accident so missed out on your company over dinner. But they don’t seem to have done anything wrong to you to apologise for although it was a tad awkward to ask where you were. It would have been nice to text you back. I imagine they might think that they’ll just invite you another time.

sophiesmother Sun 08-Oct-17 18:45:57

Yes, it was very much an accident. But to then not write anything back once the mistake was realized blows my mind. I would absolutely apologize if I did this the second I got the text telling me I'd left them off the invitation. To go a week with them writing nothing is just so rude to me. That's what I'm mad at. No apology or any response at all.

Bluntness100 Sun 08-Oct-17 18:48:00

What’s he got to apologise for? Not inviting you to dinner? That’s one of the most entitled things I’ve ever read.shock

Allthelightsgoout Sun 08-Oct-17 18:48:42

My opinion is it would never occur to me to get so 'mad' about this.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 08-Oct-17 18:58:36

This is hilarious!

LavenderDoll Sun 08-Oct-17 18:59:46

What does he have to apologise for?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 08-Oct-17 19:00:55

I don’t understand what he was supposed to be apologising for; unless he went off on one incorrectly when he messaged your daughter asking where you were.

MaudAndOtherPoems Sun 08-Oct-17 19:17:14

You're "mad" about this?

I'd probably have said something along the lines of "oh dear, an admin booboo, we've all made plenty of those. Sorry to have missed out but will hope to see you soon". I wouldn't have got "mad" and I wouldn't have expected an apology.

sophiesmother Sun 08-Oct-17 19:25:55

Not mad at all by the accident of not including us. That can happen to anyone. I'm upset that he didn't say anything at all. Didn't even acknowledge inadvertently not including us. He did to the other people there, but not us. A week after saying that if he ever doesn't get a reply to a text from me that he should call as I always return texts, he still hasn't texted. I don't know if he's mad or what. It's so awkward now. I don't have to get an apology but the last text we got was "where are you?"

MaudAndOtherPoems Sun 08-Oct-17 19:38:12

Yes, I understand that the 'mad'ness is about the lack of an apology but, even so, you do seem to be expecting a lot. I'm sure it is awkward now.

MrsPestilence Sun 08-Oct-17 19:47:25

Have you actually received any texts off him? Or were his last texts to your daughter's phone?
One of my friends phones decided to block me, friend wondered why DH turned up for coffee but not me, he had sent a group text. Took a new handset to sort the problem.
You are obviously in the loop for gossip, just invite him around for coffee. Take positive action and sort it.

Smidge001 Sun 08-Oct-17 19:55:09

How funny, OP. I'd actually be expecting you to apologise rather than him! I know it's not your fault (but then neither is it his) but if someone thought they'd invited me and I hadn't replied, I'd be the one apologising, even if it was their fault I hadn't received it grin. Seems the typical British response to me!

I also apologise when someone bumps into me though, feeling I must have been in their way rather than them not looking grin

In this case I'd be apologising for the fact that because my number wasn't the one they thought it was wink, I'd inadvertently made them fret and worry about whether or not I'd be there, not know how much to cook, and basically be the cause of their embarrassment in front of the other couples that I'd effectively pointed out they had cocked up.

sophiesmother Sun 08-Oct-17 19:56:33

He did read my text explaining that I would have replied right away. But I haven't heard anything back. I guess I was raised differently ... I would have reached out immediately and made a joke of it or something. I have a pretty intact ego so I have no problem saying sorry at all. I know not everyone is like that. But now he's blowing off my text, which does kind of upset me. He's made a very simple gaff into something more. I reached out to him and haven't gotten a response back in a week. The other people there keep asking me if he's said anything at all. I don't need the apology but a response would be nice. When people text me I always text back, always.

sophiesmother Sun 08-Oct-17 20:09:15

This was dinner out. I know from the other people there that he was not embarrassed at all. I did write him and said I was sorry it happened and that I would have responded right away to the invite. I've heard nothing back. I keep repeating this but I apologize for any gaff on my part without hesitation. I never let things escalate into drama because that is so toxic to me and so unnecessary. But I know other people who have fragile egos aren't capable of this. I never take things personally. I just don't know how to handle this. I reached out so I guess that's all I can do. Thanks for the advice all.

Ecureuil Sun 08-Oct-17 20:14:32

Maybe he’s been a bit busy this week and will respond when he’s got a chance to.
Seriously wouldn’t bother me.

Allthelightsgoout Sun 08-Oct-17 20:17:56

I think you ARE making a drama of this and your comments about ego are very telling.

RedRedWino Sun 08-Oct-17 20:21:03

For someone who claims to never let things escalate into drama, you're sure making a drama out of this non-drama.

Loopytiles Sun 08-Oct-17 20:24:04

You are overreacting.

Lozmatoz Sun 08-Oct-17 20:25:37

Phone him....

Ecureuil Sun 08-Oct-17 20:26:24

For someone who claims to never let things escalate into drama, you're sure making a drama out of this non-drama

This

HotelEuphoria Sun 08-Oct-17 20:26:52

I don’t get either of you, he didn’t get a response to the texts so why didn’t he call you? You found out about the invitation from your DD so why didn’t you call him?

Texting is wasted energy in this situation and causes more upset than it’s worth.

Ohyesiam Sun 08-Oct-17 20:29:55

I don't see what you are getting so het up about.
He made an admin error. I suppose he could apologise for not being able to operate his technology? But I can't see why he should.
He probably hasn't got back to you because he's busy. Again, not a crime.

Ecureuil Sun 08-Oct-17 20:31:57

I’d find it really odd if he did apologise. You apologise when you’ve done something wrong. He didn’t do anything wrong.

GhoulsFold Sun 08-Oct-17 20:32:17

Personally I think you're getting a hard time here OP. You text him to say you'd never blow off an invitation from him, thus reassuring him you're still friends. I think Its only polite to respond with something as simple as "oh god, I know, major phone cock up, my bad! Really sorry you didn't get the invite. Hope we can meet up soon though"

I think it's really rude totally ignoring a friend who didn't get an invite because of a mistake HE made (albeit, accidentally, but still it's his mistake). He's had several days to text or call to clear the air. I'd be pretty offended too.

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