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Awkward wedding invitation

(16 Posts)
pomadas87 Wed 08-Feb-17 07:13:45

I received a wedding 'save the date' yesterday and I want to decline it in a polite way!
Basically a friend is getting married in the summer - I've known her about 4 years, two of which I saw her fairly regularly with a group of other friends and the last two perhaps 1-2 times a year as she moved away for work. We don't keep in touch at at really I.e just a few group texts, no phone calls or anything.
She's invited me and some other mutual friends to her wedding - however:
- I got married last year and didn't invite her to ours
- the invitation was addressed/written to only me, not DH's name
- wedding is about 400 miles away and would require flight/hire car/2 overnight stay at venue

Am I being really rude by thinking I shouldn't go? I feel awkward to have been invited, and I don't really want to go without DH, and it will be very expensive.

The bride doesn't have many female friends and I feel guilty - how can I phrase saying no? Or should I suck it up and attend?

PotteringAlong Wed 08-Feb-17 07:15:47

You don't need to phrase anything at the moment - just decline when the invite comes.

bittapitta Wed 08-Feb-17 07:17:16

When the actual invitation arrives say no. It clashes with a pre booked holiday. Don't need drama.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 08-Feb-17 07:17:45

Just say you aren't able to attend. I would also say now rather than when the invite comes, as it enables them to invite someone else.

Maroonie Wed 08-Feb-17 07:19:55

Just decline, it's too inconvenient/expensive for you
I'd let her know asap though as it will help her plan.
If the venue has a limit on numbers she might be able to ask someone else

meditrina Wed 08-Feb-17 07:23:02

You don't RSVP to STD cards.

Used correctly, they are sent only to those key people whose presence you would really miss and who you hope hold you in enough esteem to arrange things around your event. So in effect, near family and closest friends (and arguably totally redundant as you tend to talk to them anyhow). But if STDs in this group, you acknowledge in your next conversation with them, and give a steer on your intentions.

Spraying them to all on your invitation list is a bit naff, though in this case I can see that she's probably done it because you are a such a distance, and she thought perhaps people would like time to make travel/accommodation arrangements.

You don't have to do anything at this point, unless you want to ring her to find out her intentions towards your DH. But if she's never met him, he may well not be included. (Pendulum seems to be swinging back to the olden days when it individuals were more independent and it was absolutely fine to invite a person as a person, not as a couple-unit)

TalkingSheds Wed 08-Feb-17 07:23:20

You've already booked your summer holiday, simple!

googietheegg Wed 08-Feb-17 07:23:23

Yes I'd reply now. 'Thank you so much for the invitation and congratulations! Unfortunately I won't be able to attend, but I'll be thinking of you. Have a wonderful day xxx'

PetalMettle Wed 08-Feb-17 07:26:24

Agree you should reply now that you're unable to make it. My uncle did that when we sent out std cards and it meant we could invite another couple

StumblyMonkey Wed 08-Feb-17 07:26:49

I agree with Maroonie.

Although technically you don't need to reply to a 'save the date' it would be nice and more believable to contact her now and express your great disappointment that you can't make it due to a holiday you've already booked and tell her that you wanted to mention it now so she could take it into account in her numbers.

That way she can swap someone else in if she wants to whereas by the time invitations are being done it's a bit late to swap someone in without offending them (as they figure out they were on a waiting list).

Just remember if you are FB friends and post regularly you are supposed to be on holiday or whatever when the time comes!

kel1234 Wed 08-Feb-17 07:41:00

You don't need to reply to a save the date. But I wouldn't go personally. Especially as it was only addressed to you. If that was me I wouldn't go on principle. Or if I received an actual invite addresses just to me, I'd make a point of replying from both myself and dh

pomadas87 Wed 08-Feb-17 07:42:20

Thanks everyone - I think I will reply now, the guilt is getting to me! also been invited the hen party which is being held local to me... do I attend that and not the wedding or decline both?
I didn't invite her to mine confused

witwootoodleoo Wed 08-Feb-17 07:45:49

Personally I would decline now with the excuse of a clashing event. If you wait until the invite it's perfectly obvious that you don't have a clashing event at all or if you do you arranged/agreed to it after the STD. I would opt for something like a christening/other wedding/important birthday or anniversary celebration of close family member basically something believable but easier to fake than a whole holiday. Or in fact book you and your DH a long weekend away for that date and then you're not lying grin

witwootoodleoo Wed 08-Feb-17 07:46:41

Re the hen do I would go if you can. She'll probably feel the lack of female friends more at the hen than she will at the wedding tbh

JellyWitch Wed 08-Feb-17 07:50:23

Yes just decline - no reason needed except that you have plans already. And of course you can still go to the hen.

pomadas87 Wed 08-Feb-17 13:28:38

Thanks everyone - really helpful!

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