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What should I Do About This Please

(23 Posts)
zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 20:42:29

Never posted in Etiquette before but it seemed the right place to ask

An elderly aunt of mine sent me £5 in a card for Christmas to split four ways (Me, and three adult DC)

All well and good and normally I'd have sent a wee thank you note in the post, but the thing is she sent my brother a cheque for £150, again to split four ways, Brother, SIL and two adult DC

This comes from a few years ago when DD1 didn't send a thank you note, again for £5 for her 21st, quickly enough for this aunt. She did thank her and aunt received the note less than a week after DD1's 21st.

This aunt has always been of the mind that a phone call to say thank you is not acceptable, only a handwritten note will do

So for the past four years we've neither wanted, received or expected anything, so I was surprised that she sent us this £5 now

I know my brother got the £150 because he shoved the cheque right under my nose, I think to gloat

So while normally I would send a thankyou for any gift received I'm not sure what to do about this

Please advise me

pklme Sun 01-Jan-17 20:44:36

I would send a brief, bland note. Just enough to meet the requirements. Rise above.

BikeRunSki Sun 01-Jan-17 20:45:43

She sent you money, write and thank her.

MrsHiddleston Sun 01-Jan-17 20:47:06

A simple, thank you and wish her a happy new year.

Leave it at that.

yousmelllikeroastedcorn Sun 01-Jan-17 20:47:29

Phone her and thank her exuberantly.

She sounds utterly ridiculous.

EllaHen Sun 01-Jan-17 20:48:43

I think I would want nothing to do with such a petty and vindictive woman.

I would perhaps return the £5.

Gifts should not be given with conditions.

PidgeyfinderGeneral Sun 01-Jan-17 20:52:20

Ridiculous woman. Only someone longing for a reaction would do something like that. Say thank you and ignore it.

zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 20:56:45

Ok thanks everyone

I think just a very simple short thankyou is the best way to go

Ihatethedailymail1 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:01:31

Are you sure she meant to send £5 and not £150? Make sure you quote the amount in writing to check? (Maybe mention you saw your brother the other day and hope you reminded him to thank you too!)

zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 21:14:02

Pretty sure

The £5 was in an Xmas card, it was a £5 note while my brother got a cheque

It's a deliberate thing

Debi36 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:22:10

I send a Thank You note and ask all 3 of your children to write notes too. Pop all into one envelope. Then hand deliver (if possible) to save the cost of a stamp, alternatively don't put a stamp on the envelope, so Auntie has to pay the postage !

5OBalesofHay Sun 01-Jan-17 21:25:05

Send a thank you note, enclosing a fiver, and a request to not worry about sending you anything in future.

Viviene12 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:29:19

I would send a thank you note signed by all of you the same way as if it was £150 (or more). Rise above.

Mehfruittea Sun 01-Jan-17 21:32:13

Old people can be funny. Is there a reason why she would think your brother deserves/needs/should have more this year?

My MIL insisted on giving our DS £5,000 when we had his naming ceremony. We did this instead of a christening it also as a replacement wedding as DH and are are technically not married (I don't won't to be). MIL and FIL insisted as DH has 2 brothers and they had spent £xxx on a wedding for one and put up part of the deposit for a house for the other. We never asked for anything but they insisted on giving.

Is she giving extra to him, to compensate for something else? Or to give him more because she thinks he needs it more than you?

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 01-Jan-17 21:32:46

You send a thank you note because that is what you do when someone sends you a gift (however small).

ChicRock Sun 01-Jan-17 21:32:54

"Dear Aunt

Thank you for the £5.

We, all 4 of us, enjoyed choosing how to spend it, and decided to go with spending the whole lot on this thank you card and stamp.

Best wishes"

zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 21:53:09


No there's no way she thinks my brother needs it more than me, everyone in my family knows I struggle financially, been a single parent for fourteen years, and spent a fair portion of that time on sickness benefits

I'm not saying she had to send anything at all, it's more the deliberate insult of sending us a fiver in a card and my brother a hefty cheque

I don't want or need anyone to send me gifts, that's not who I am at all

ConkerTriumphant Sun 01-Jan-17 21:58:56

That's genius grin

ChapstickLegends Sun 01-Jan-17 22:01:02

Chicrock grin

zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 22:04:33


I like that idea! grin

dudsville Sun 01-Jan-17 22:05:52

I can see the bind. Etiquette would force you to send a thank you, but it could feel like being made to heel. I admit I'd probably donate the £5 to a charity and send her a card from that charity letting her know her money had been used well.

zukiecat Sun 01-Jan-17 22:10:17

That's a really good idea dudsville

That would really annoy her, as most of my family don't do charity

I'm cat mad so Cats Protection would be a good one 🐱

milpool Sun 01-Jan-17 22:15:26

She sent a fiver between four people? Bugger that, it'll cost you more in time and effort to thank her.

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