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Invited to big party but I'm reserved and a bit shy. How to decline invite.

(12 Posts)
SunnyGoats15 Fri 23-Dec-16 09:17:30

I really can't go because the way it makes be feel is excruciating. I cannot go to huge parties where I'm not actually very close to the people who've invited me. They are lovely people though and they are great fun in small doses. I don't want to hurt their feelings.

SunnyGoats15 Fri 23-Dec-16 09:26:01

I'd love some advice from people who have been through a similar thing. Thanks! fconfused

AmserGwin Fri 23-Dec-16 09:27:34

Just make an excuse up like you are meeting family/other friends that night and it's already arranged, so sorry you won't be able to make it

TheAntiBoop Fri 23-Dec-16 09:29:52

Don't make up an excuse

Just send a note saying you are really sorry but you are unable to make it and that you hope they have a lovely time.

Most people having a party just want to know if you are coming or not - not a fully reasoned argument as to why you're not

oklumberjack Fri 23-Dec-16 09:36:22

I don't know if I'm the right person to reply but I'll try my best.

I have to do big parties with work often. I don't mean the normal office do. I'm an illustrator and we all tend to work alone, as do authors. All through the year we are invited by our publishers to mix and meet up. I'm a fairly friendly and confident person but even I get very nervous at these things. Speaking over the years to people (even the people hosting) most people seem to feel nervous.

My strategies are, to have at least one or two people I know to have a 'base'. Either I enter with them or arrange to see them there. I have stock sentences/questions rehearsed and try and keep it all cheery. I like to calm myself often in the toilets and then go back out. Unless I'm having an amazing time I go home at a respectable hour always having seen and thanked the people hosting.

I'm normally expected to attend these things, but when I haven't I replied with things like -

Thank you for your lovely invite but I'll be visiting elsewhere at that time.

Thank you for your lovely invite but I have a previous family event.

Etc etc. Little white lies can be good. Never respond with "I really can't myself to go" (although I did invite someone to a book launch who responded with a 'I'm so sorry, I have crippling social anxiety" and I felt only sympathy for her and thanked her for her support anyway.

Most people feel nervous at big parties but hide it well. If you really can't face it, Just go with whatever little white lie you can think of and relax.

SunnyGoats15 Fri 23-Dec-16 10:02:27

Thank you, AmserGwin, TheAntiBoop and oklumberjack.

Your advice has been very helpful. I'll chat to my partner, he's quite reserved too though he does a better fake I'm having great fun act. fsmile

Tottyandmarchpane1 Fri 23-Dec-16 10:09:47

I'd just tell a little white lie - sorry, I'm out for dinner that night or similar. I always find it a bit rude iif people don't give a reason for not being able to make it. I know you are not obliged to give a reason but I find 'sorry I can't make it' with no explanation a bit cold. Probably just me though 😀

TheAntiBoop Fri 23-Dec-16 10:18:35

It's an invite not a summons! The problem with a white lie is that if you get caught out in it it makes the whole thing ten times worse!!

If I invite people and they dont want to come it doesn't offend me. I'd find it odd that someone would be so invested in my presence that I have to make up a lie

lljkk Fri 23-Dec-16 11:03:19

It's a big party so lots of invited people won't make it.
If they sound persuasive it's because they want a big happy party that everyone is happy to be at.
I don't think you sound a bit shy, though. More than a bit shy. Is being shy a problem for you in other ways?

SunnyGoats15 Fri 23-Dec-16 21:23:51

Thank you everyone for all your suggestions. They have been a great help!

lljkk - I am very shy when I have to socialise in a large group. It takes me quite a while to be comfortable with people if I'm in a crowd. Also, I don't like being too far from the exit. I'm OK in small groups. Thanks for asking, I don't have serious anxiety problems. fsmile

aginghippy Fri 23-Dec-16 21:38:28

I'm similar, OK in small groups but don't like big parties.

I wouldn't lie. I would just say thanks very much for the invitation but I can't make it. I doubt it will hurt their feelings. As pp said, they probably just want to know who is coming and who isn't.

Reow Fri 03-Feb-17 10:31:11

I hate big parties.

I usually just say I have other plans.

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