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Advice please - not sure what invite entails!

(12 Posts)
thefairyfellersmasterstroke Mon 17-Oct-16 20:14:43

It's so long since I was at a wedding - more than 20 years - that now I've been invited to one I'm not at all sure if it's all day or just the ceremony. The bride had said a few months ago that it was going to be a very small affair with just a few select people, so I assumed from that it was going to be an all-day invitation. However now the invitation has arrived and it just mentions the church, so there are three scenarios I suppose:

I'm only invited to the church but not the reception;

I'm invited to both, and she assumes I'll know that;

There is no reception (they did say money was very tight).

I don't mind if there's a reception I'm not invited to, I just don't want to do something stupid like leave after the ceremony when they have a reception place for me, or follow to the reception and there is no place for me.

Unfortunately there is no-one else going that I know well enough to ask, and I don't want to ask the bride in case she feel pressured into inviting me when she hadn't intended to.

What should I do?

wholettooth Mon 17-Oct-16 20:17:15

What's the wording on the invitation?
I'm sure some clever person will decipher.

fabulous01 Mon 17-Oct-16 20:21:40

Ask her

OhTheRoses Mon 17-Oct-16 20:23:22

Usually the invitation says something like: 3pm at St Matthews a d afterwards at ....

Just phone and ask if the invitation isn't clear.

"thank you so much for the invitation, I am thrilled to be invited to the church for the ceremony. I need to make arrangements to get home when do you think the celebration will end"

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Mon 17-Oct-16 20:25:08

It basically just says:

XX invites "The fairy feller" to the wedding of YY and ZZ at Church Name, address and time".

Then the RSVP stuff.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Mon 17-Oct-16 20:29:24

That sounds good, OhTheRoses, asking what time it will end. It'll also help me decide what to wear as I don't have an outfit and don't want to spend a lot just to drive for two hours, sit in a church for half an hour, then drive home again.

wholettooth Mon 17-Oct-16 20:30:10

Tricky one.
I can't imagine that there's no reception at all, even if it's a quick drink in a nearby pub.
I think you're going to have to text her along the lines of
'Hi Friend, so excited to receive your invitation and can't wait to see you get married. I'm trying to plan timings/ transport/childcare/dress code (something relevant) what are the plans?'

potentialqualms Mon 17-Oct-16 20:30:43

Is it a traditional old stone church or a hall type church? At my church, which is essentially a community centre, the wedding and reception are often in the same building.

Very unusual to invite someone to church and not afterwards. Technically you don't need an invitation to the church

Cornishclio Mon 17-Oct-16 20:38:09

If there is no mention of reception on invite she may have just invited you to ceremony. Unusual but I have known it happen when money is tight the bride and groom have invited all to church but reception just been for immediate family in local pub or restaurant. Are you very close to bride?

ColdTeaAgain Mon 17-Oct-16 20:38:18

Is it a save the date type invite and there might be more details to follow? If not then it's odd not to put details of reception venue so my guess would be that it's an invitation to the ceremony only. Would be a bit mean if no refreshment at all offered for people who have long drive and then straight back again though!

HoratioNightboy Mon 17-Oct-16 20:49:36

It's a traditional church potentialqualms, with no reception facility. I've bben at a wedding there before. Think it's odd that she said I was only one of the chosen few, then it's looking like church only!

No, it's not a save-the-date thing. It's the correct, 6 weeks in advance invitation.

Are you very close to bride?

Yes and no. She is my half-sister but we weren't brought up together. We have the same father but she is a lot younger than me, and we've only really met about a dozen or so times. We always get along very well though, in the circumstances. She has a huge family on her mum's side, many of whom are not being invited at all, so I do feel honoured at being asked, and have accepted as there is no question of not going - I just don't feel 100% confident what I've said Yes to!

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Mon 17-Oct-16 20:50:31

oops - little name slip-up there... blush

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