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Who is supposed to pay on a date these days? And what does it mean?

(12 Posts)
SamanthaJones Mon 26-May-14 19:33:24

My son says men are supposed to pay.

It's a long time since I dated but when I did I often paid half or paid half of the time. But as dh pointed out when we were discussing it this afternoon "you're a stroppy feminist"

I didn't like being paid for because I earn my own money and always have done and I don't like being beholden to anyone.

What happens these days?

Roshbegosh Mon 26-May-14 19:34:38

I think they should pay on the first date and after that we split it.

bouquetofpencils Tue 27-May-14 00:25:13

If a man offers to pay on first date, a compromise can be that the lady can "treat" him on the next date. Unless it is apparent there will not be a next date, in which case insist on going halves smile

fortyplus Tue 27-May-14 00:30:59

First date never go for a meal - that avoids this potentially awkward situation. Coffee or quick drink - the man usually offers to buy the first one then you insist on buying the second. A bloke who won't graciously accept this is probably some kind of macho type you don't want to see again!

meditrina Tue 27-May-14 00:35:31

I would expect and offer to pay a share (not necessarily strictly half, more 'you get the tickets, I'll get the popcorn and what would you like to drink?' sort of approach) and would suggest splitting a dinner or bar bill.

Unless the first date was something (which happened to me once) like being a plus one at a very swanky work/charitable event which he had had to buy tickets for anyway.

lessonsintightropes Tue 27-May-14 00:36:34

First date, man pays (sorry, I am a bit trad about this), afterwards it's take it in turns or split the cheque.

CatLady25 Sat 29-Nov-14 19:17:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

crystal85 Mon 02-Feb-15 20:53:13

I have always said first date man pays - unless he's the worst person that you ever meet then during a toilet trip stop of a pay half then return to table making your excuses to leave.
After that I would normally say halfs or turns but my DH always earn loads more than me and soon notice we went out more if he paid lol now I'm a full time mummy and he pays for everything 1st time I've relied on anyone since i was 14 xx

suitsyousir Mon 02-Feb-15 21:01:33

Im male and if I asked a lady out on a date (luckily now with DP for 10 years tho) I would pay. If I am inviting I would expect to pay. If she was adamant on going halves I wouldn't cause an arguement but would try to pay without making a big thing of it. I would be happy if she wanted to pay, or go halves from then on. That seems to be what my family and circle of friends would be happy with.

suitsyousir Mon 02-Feb-15 21:02:30

And me paying wouldnt mean I would be expecting anything from it. I just think its the polite thing to do.

Trills Mon 02-Feb-15 21:03:44

The one doing the asking.

Or each pay for a different bit (e.g one buy drinks the other buy dinner).

fakenamefornow Mon 02-Feb-15 21:15:54

I suppose, whomever invites/asked the other out should pay for dinner. I agree with the cinema situation, whoever isn't buying the tickets might get the popcorn. Longer term I guess you both start paying your own way.

When I first started going out with dh he earned a lot more than me, I always paid my own way until one day we had a talk about the fact that I couldn't keep up and that he was very happy to pay for me, after that, mostly he paid.

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