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I should know this, but what do children wear to funerals in UK? (aged 7 and 9)

(18 Posts)
Moln Fri 19-Jul-13 08:55:29

You would think I would know myself as I'm from England, but it's been a long, long time since I lived there.

I havent taken my children to a funeral since they were babies, but I've to travel next week and I they are coming with me.

It's unlikely I would be able to (affordable) get clothes for them as everything's gone on travel, they don't have anything partically smart though, cords and light coloured polo shirts is about as best as I can do.

Is this OK?

I was on the phone to my mum and she was talking about shirts and trousers, but I tend to take what she deems correct with a pinch of salt (need to point out that this is because she's quite controlling and very judgemental), but should they be formally dressed?

It's someone close to me who has died, and his wife (also very close) isn't judgemental, I personally don't she'd notice really, considering the day, unless they were in fancy dress.

friendlymum67 Fri 19-Jul-13 09:06:00

Do they have school uniform they can wear?? I.e black trousers, white shirt or something similar?

I think it can be tricky to know what children should wear for funerals, although as you said it shouldn't really matter - tho when my nephew (then aged 13) turned up to my grandmother's funeral in cropped beige trousers, white casual shirt and trainers there were a lot of very raised eyebrows!!

MrsHoarder Fri 19-Jul-13 09:07:29

I would put them in the smartest clothes you can. If you were from the UK school uniform shirt and trousers would be sensible. If you are really worried about it supermarkets will have school uniform in stock atm. Or maybe your dm could get them if she's worried about it?

Feelslikea1sttimer Fri 19-Jul-13 09:10:16

I took my children to my grandmas funeral and they were similar ages and they just wore smartish clothes, no suits or shirts. People were just relieved that they were there and brought some light relief to a sad day.
I wouldn't worry about clothes, they are children and nobody would expect them to be uncomfortable! Especially
In this heat!!!

Tommy Fri 19-Jul-13 09:12:06

I always pout mine in their smartest clothes (not school uniform). At my Dad's funeral, they were all wearing shorts and checked shirts - it was a warm day. People will not be bothered what they wear. I think polo shirts and trousers look smart

YoToast Fri 19-Jul-13 09:19:51

My dd went to her nanna's funeral when she was six. She wore a nice bright party dress. Her nanna loved nothing more than buying her pretty clothes so I figured that it was the most appropriate way to say goodbye to her.

LindaMcCartneySausage Fri 19-Jul-13 09:20:36

Smartest clothes you can, but I'm sure polo shirts and neat trousers will be absolutely fine if they are plain. No big logos (I once saw a friend's child in a bright pink Peppa Pig tshirt at a funeral and was a bit hmm). Also, clothes look much smarter if they are well ironed and shoes are polished (I sound like my Mum!)

YoToast Fri 19-Jul-13 09:22:27

I meant to add, if you feel you can, ask the wife what she would find appropriate as her fellings are most important at this time.

Very sorry for your loss. flowers

cupcake78 Fri 19-Jul-13 09:23:15

As they're children put them in they're nicest outfit and if its hot make sure they're comfortable. Not school uniform, a smart shirt and shorts/summer trousers for boys, nice dress for girls!

I wouldn't be too bothered with the black thing at their age!

Moln Fri 19-Jul-13 09:45:59

Thanks, they do also have smartish shorts if it's hot when we get there. They haven't got smart shoes unfortunately. There are no logos on the tops I was considering.

They do have a school uniform, blue trousers and white polo. There won't really be time to go to supermarkets when I get to the UK (well there will but not time in the sense I can rely on it for their clothing)

I think I'm focusing on this more than required as it's all I can do at the moment to 'help' from the distance I'm at, I'm deeply saddened at his death

cloudskitchen Tue 23-Jul-13 11:20:44

They are children and I don't think people really expect kids to wear typical funeral wear. I think the polo shirt and trousers will be just fine. Sorry for your loss, I hope the funeral goes as well as it can sad

fedupwithdeployment Tue 23-Jul-13 11:33:11

The children at FILs funeral wore smartish clothes, but not black (MIL didn't want everyone in black). I would try not to worry about it. At FILs funeral everyone commented on their (good!) behaviour, not what they were wearing.

YDdraigGoch Tue 23-Jul-13 11:38:53

Absolutely smart clothes - especially if it's an old person's funeral, where there will be lots of other old people in attendance. Cords and light coloured polo shirts sounds a bit casual to me.

School uniform in UK is really cheap from supermarkets - you could buy them a shirt and trousers/smart shorts each for under £10 each.

foofooyeah Tue 23-Jul-13 11:40:56

Im trying to remember what my boys wore to ther granddads' funeral - the older boy at 13 work a cheap suit (all grandsons kitted out at Asda sale) but he was a pall bearer. Younger son (4) wore jeans and a smart shirt.

handcream Mon 12-Aug-13 11:08:02

I am attending a very close family member's funeral this week. Its funny how strong some people's views are about funerals in general. I think they arent suitable for very young children who wont know what is going on.

The reason I say this is that I attended my Uncle's funeral a number of years ago and one of my cousins insisted on bringing her two children under 5 even though she had been asked not to by my Aunt. She claimed she couldnt get a babysitter. They behaved really badly, running up and down the aisles, shouting out at inappropriate moments and at one point running up to the coffin and trying to play hide and seek.

My children are much older but I wouldnt dream of taking very young children and as for a Peppa Pig t-shirt. What are people thinking of....

The children have suits as part of their school uniform so luckily we are ok there. Just had to buy two black ties which they will probably keep forever and just pull out for occasions such as this.

handcream Mon 12-Aug-13 11:09:39

I so agree re ironing and polished shoes.

BiddyPop Mon 12-Aug-13 11:33:50

I think, if they are neatly dressed (so chords and polo shirts ok but ironed, tucked in properly etc) with as good shoes as you have (school shoes if you have them - or CLEAN trainers/sandals if not) and properly brushed hair etc, that would be fine.

Tell them beforehand what to expect in terms of what will happen at the funeral (service, lots of people, emotions are ok, etc), and let them know what you expect of them in terms of behaviour (need to be polite to everyone you meet and be prepared to be introduced to lots of relatives, SITTING DOWN QUIETLY during service, there will be time for playing with others/running/relaxing a bit afterwards.

Also acknowledge that it will not be the best of days for them and parts are likely to be boring but this is life, and if you have any capacity to do it, let them know in advance of some treat, even if only getting to airport in time to watch planes for extra half hour before flight, or picking up something in airport shop, or going out for pizza as a family next weekend if they have been well behaved (and explain to them what you expect in terms of behaviour) and have done their best to help you (listening to you and doing what you ask, being ready with a tissue or hug if you need it, going off to entertain themselves for 20 minutes if you need to have a chat with someone or organise something that they'd be in the way). They may be very useful in handing around teacups or doing a circuit with the plate of biscuits of sandwiches - or they may be best hiding in the spare bedroom with a DS lite or a reading book.

BiddyPop Mon 12-Aug-13 11:34:16

Sorry, I just realised the funeral is already over, I hope it all went well for you.

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