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Wedding gift etiquette?

(15 Posts)
clarasebal Wed 18-Sep-13 19:15:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

HollyMadison Sun 17-Mar-13 13:28:28

Scaevola: Yes, although that wouldn't have worked in our case as most of the people who gave gifts lived on the other side of the world, which was where the wedding was held, and also wouldn't have known our address.

Enough about me! I hope you have a good day OP and, if you do decide to get something I'm sure it will be appreciated.

scaevola Sun 17-Mar-13 13:08:58

HollyMadison: that's why wedding presents are, traditionally, sent in advance to the couple.

OP: if you want to mark the occasion by giving something despite what was written, don't think "wedding gift" and instead try something like sending a good bottle of wine, or a bottle of homemade sloe gin or flavoured vodka, or something else to consume rather than keep.

HollyMadison Sun 17-Mar-13 13:05:56

Buying something small I mean. If you're not one for making things.

HollyMadison Sun 17-Mar-13 13:00:48

If the invitation says they don't want gifts then don't get a gift. I think the etiquette of disregarding your friend's expressed wishes in respect of her wedding overrides your desire to get a gift. It's very generous of you to want to buy a gift but she has asked that you don't.

I asked with my wedding invite that people don't get gifts for a few reasons: lots of people had to travel for the wedding which is expensive; the wedding was in a different country to the one I lived in meaning I had to transport anything; I was in a better financial position than most of my friends at the time.

Some people disregarded my wishes which I found a bit strange. Of course any gift I did receive was very much loved and appreciated but it was a bit of an inconvenience when I had to transport things. The concept was very difficult for people of my parents' generation to understand and MIL did make a bit of issue about it. I think, for her, giving her gift was very much about what she would give, IYSWIM, rather than about us. Some people ended up giving money or vouchers which made me a little sad as I'm not a big fan of either for gifts in the context where i didn't want people to spend money on something which is already expensive. I guess I do sound ungrateful but maybe it might help to know why you want to get them a gift when they've asked for none. Maybe making or buying your friend something special and giving it in a nice lunch out sometime before the wedding might be an option?

MortifiedAdams Tue 05-Mar-13 09:48:38

Im.getting friends of ours tickets to see a stand up comedian and im considering also putting a voucher in for dinner too, so they get a whole night out.

I wouldnt go to a wedding without a gift.

bacon Tue 05-Mar-13 09:45:36

I agree you should give something - I think gift vouchers are perfect - garden vouchers? nice furniture store? voucher for a gardener for a day? posh restaurant?

As for money I think £40 + personally I dont give more than £40 but depends on how affluent you are while up to £100 is a lovely gift.

I'm always surprised when people put they have everything as I could write a list of kitchen stuff I'd love, plants for the garden endless really.

mumfordanddaughters Fri 01-Mar-13 16:15:41

Sorry, but I would take one anyway. Depends how well you know them what you choose. Don't spend more than you can afford though - you say you are broke but then talk about an experience day?

cherryonthetop2013 Fri 01-Mar-13 16:09:47

Well I was thinking of a voucher off to do segway, I'm pretty sure that they would enjoy it as they have done other things similar in the past but apparently you can exchange things on their website so if they don't fancy segway then they could exchange it for a meal or pay some more and have a night or 2 away.
I was thinking of getting champagne but they're likely to get numerous bottles of champagne.

memphis83 Fri 01-Mar-13 15:45:53

Sorry ds pressed send.
What about a voucher for a meal? An experience could be quite pricey.
I would feel the same as you that I have to take something.

Pascha Fri 01-Mar-13 15:45:36

Experiences are very subjective though, aren't they? No guarantee that they will want to do what you pick. I'd stick with a bottle of champagne and an offer to treat them to dinner one day soon.

memphis83 Fri 01-Mar-13 15:43:07


Levantine Fri 01-Mar-13 15:42:15

Don't give her one - we didn't want gifts - genuinely - we had no space at the time. If you feel really uncomfortable then get a nice bottle of wine, but don't worry about it

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 15:40:35

If she doesn't want gifts, don't give her one.

cherryonthetop2013 Fri 01-Mar-13 15:39:17

Myself and DP are invited to a wedding in a couple of weeks (ceremony, meal & evening reception) and my friend put on the invitations that they don't want gifts. No mention of 'but if you feel that you really want to get us something then we'd quite like X,Y or Z'. They've just said that our presence is all they want.
Well that is lovely but surely it's still polite and correct to give a gift?
Then the other question much do you spend on a gift? I never know how much to spend or give for weddings. Part of me thinks that we should spend a lot because it will be costing so much for her to have us at her pretty fancy wedding but then on the other hand we are pretty broke.

I will add that my friend is absolutely lovely and really wouldn't give a monkey's if I didn't give a gift, this is me just getting worked up over wedding gift etiquette.

P.S I was thinking of getting an experience voucher for them to do something fun, not something that's going to end up in a drawer for the next 10 years.

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