DS1 (18) and a weekend away with GF's family(32 Posts)
DS1 was fortunate enough to be invited away for the weekend to his GF's family's holiday house. He was wined and dine royally, with meals out and trips to cafes etc.
Initially I thought I should just let him get on with it, given that he is now over 18 (although still at school), I didn't get a say in whether he went, and he is supposed to finance his own leisure time.
Now I'm feeling guilty, as they have spent money on him, plus they took 2 cars down, so have spent extra on petrol.
Should I make an offer of money? There is no way DS1 would want to finance this himself, nor can I reciprocate.
I feel we are caught in a sort of limbo between childhood and adulthood here.
I'm puzzled by this. Are you saying that if your child is invited out by another family to anything, you don't offer to pay for them? Really?
I wouldn't have offered £ for petrol or board - but I would expect the guest to write a thank you card - and send flowers or another appropriate gift afterwards?
I don't know your DS - but would hethink to do that? give him a nudge - will put your mind at rest and show the GF family that he is from a decent background .
I try and get our boys to think about offering to pay now and again - just drinks in a bar on hols or whatever - and to be fair - now and again my DS does offer.
It is important to realise that mum and dad don't pay for everything forever.
I'd still see an 18y boyfriend of my 18y daughter (some way in future for us luckily) as a "kid" tbh, albeit an older one. Presumably they both live at home, and I bet the parents still see their daughter as a child in many ways too.
I'd not expect the boyfriend to contribute and if they did offer I would say thank you, but it's fine. TBH though I wouldn't expect a dependent person (and I am assuming the 18y boyfriend is still at home, maybe in sixth form?) to offer big expenses.
I think once they are living outside the family home and earning a proper wage it is different.
A bottle of wine, some flowers or chocolate, and a thank you is all that is needed I think.
Seeker - yes, I do offer if someone takes DD out. For example, I have just had a text inviting my 10y DD out to lunch and the cinema with one of her school friends net week. I have said yes. I have not offered to pay as yet, but I will send her with a purse and mpney for sweets, and when DH drops her off her will offer to give the mum money for lunch/cinema. however, ime, it will not be accepted. But we will offer.
Likewise whenever we have taken any of DD's friends out for the day or for a meal with us we have always paid, and not accepted money from them or their parents.
I have taken friends of DDs' away on holiday abroad and to be honest I would expect some sort of contribution but this has tended to be prior to them being 18. (It happened a few times at age 15, 16 etc.) For a weekend in this country, I wouldn't expect anything except an offer of paying for a drink etc (which I would turn down) but a week away with another child is expensive for meals out and suchlike.
When this has happened in the past, the Mum has got in touch with me and given me an amount to cover a meal or two etc and then the child takes their own spending money for a drink out with DD etc.
DS says that he didn't offer to pay for anything, but there were 10 people there (older sister had BF there, who also didn't pay for anything, despite being late 20s) and even coffee for everyone would have been v.pricey.
He will take flowers and thank you card. TBH, I thought they would be left to their own devices more before he went away (and I was seething too much over the fact that he has done NO A level revision to discuss this rationally).
Thanks for advice.
Yes but not petrol FFs.
Id send Ice cream
Money when they were small
Or a thank you gift of older. They're going anyway. Petrol money is almost insulting.
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