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How do I politely tell another mother I do not wish to taxi her children around anymore?

(18 Posts)
welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 16:42:12

I feel taken advantage of.

She's very 'lovey darling sweetheart how are you?' 'mwah mwah'...only known her 6 weeks. 3 times I have been asked. Once 20 min out of my way to her ex dh house...to be told his car 'had another trip in it to get it to the garage'...playgroup is closer, and said car did not move all day, 2 days later it was choking out fumes.

Her car has had problems too...I do sympathise, BUT I am not responsible for 'giving poor ex dh a break, he's been taking the children to school all week'. angry Their kids, their responsibility. I don't help out anyone else (but would my genuine friends if they were stuck, of course, cause they would not take advantage).

She does have a rep for it at school and all in all I don't feel she is a real friend, not seen her for 3 of the last 6 weeks...but last week she rang everyday, once at 10 pm, got hold of me on fri and got me to take her dc home, and now she has rung everyday this week...I'm guessing for the same favour. When I ask her around, once she did not make it (after i confirmed with her twice) and never even rang to let me know, the 2nd time she had to wait in for something.

So how do I do this nicely and firmly and maybe in a backing off from the 'friendship' kind of way. Be flaky and avoid phonecalls (she is beginning to wonder to me if i'm screening calls) or be honest and say no, I don't want to and I don't feel your a particually good friend. Oh and favours to me...0.

Tee2072 Thu 03-Feb-11 16:48:10

Just say no. It's a full sentence. And don't explain.

As you say, her kids are not your responsibility.

'No.'

Practice.

welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 16:51:12

This is my problem, I want to explain and apologise etc...I'm such a wuss...I really want to say feck off...

3littlefrogs Thu 03-Feb-11 16:54:32

You just say

"No, I am afraid I won't have time"

"No, I am going elsewhere today"

"No I won't have room in my car"

Etc etc.

Don't answer her calls if you can possibly help it.

welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 19:18:17

Thanks 3frogs...I always go blank when it comes to telling a white lie...I have tried but it comes out as 'erm erm errrr...yes of course, no problem ha ha ha!' Its very frustrating.

I suppose what I really want is a virtual hand hold as I do this...not good at confronting people like this...too bloody scared, too much like my own family (who I did not confront and just left them to stew in their own juice). Brings back scary childhood memories of pain...but am adult now and this 'lady' is effecting my mental balance...getting jitters all the time now, getting snappy at my girls because thinking of phone call I'll be getting...need to get a grip and call her, take charge, say 'no' and take it from there. Deep breathes...I can do this...NO...I can't...NO I won't be able to, god this woman is my mother...she threw lots of wobblers in last few weeks before I broke contact...every one bigger than the last. Well she's not my mother, she's an aquaintence...not even a friend...how dare she take advantage and palm me off with lots of 'sweethearts' and 'mwahs'...she has not acted like a real friend too me..why should she get special favours when I should be spending my time with my girls and real friends...

Right waffle over...NO NO NO

welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 19:22:12

sod it let her do the running, why should I ring? Will seem like I want to keep close contact, politeness dictates I should return call but not if I'm just going to be asked for a favour, well asked to do a job as favours have not been returned...nor asked for...I just would not ask, esp such a new aquaintence.

DuplicitousBitch Thu 03-Feb-11 19:25:17

just say 'no, i can't' no explanation then change subject quickly.

LoveMyGirls Thu 03-Feb-11 19:31:04

Just wait until she calls again and count to 3 before you say anything at all take a deep breath and say "I can't help you, I've got a lot on bye" if she says "but can you just" then say "as I said I'm very busy with my own life, I can't spare the time to help you out"

It's not your responsibility and petrol costs a blinkin fortune not to mention wear and tear on your car. Tell her NO!

Okay?

welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 19:35:37

Duplitiousbitch - liking that, I can sometimes do good subject changes...

lovemygirls - your scaring me. wink

thinking of ringing her again to avoid accusation of avoiding her and having to be painfully honest and explain why. Okay that could be worse than ringing her and looking slightly interested...maybe start with a pointed 'how can i help you?'

DuplicitousBitch Thu 03-Feb-11 19:41:18

make sure not to apologise. just plain 'no, i can't'

Marlinspike Thu 03-Feb-11 19:41:26

No, don't ring her, wait for her to call you (if she wants a favour, she will).

Then just "No, I'm afraid I cant' do that...(changing the subject quickly)...isn't it windy tonight"..or something equally banal. Briskly wrap up the conversation then give yourself a big pat on the back!

Ooopsadaisy Thu 03-Feb-11 19:48:24

Question - How do I politely tell another mother I do not wish to taxi her children around anymore?

Answer - You say "no".

Really - nothing else is required. Your relationship is not built on anything else so you don't owe her anything else.

LoveMyGirls Thu 03-Feb-11 19:48:25

Wd - lol at me scaring you wink

Seriously she is being very rude asking favours from someone she hardly knows, why do you feel the need to be polite?

LoveMyGirls Thu 03-Feb-11 19:50:02

maybe if it's easier you could do it in a joking way like "sorry say that again? Did you just ask me to collect your child from school again? ha ha ha nah sorry I cant oh well will you look at that just caught a glimpse of them there pigs flying must dash bye" and hang up!

unfitmother Thu 03-Feb-11 19:50:36

No, I'm afraid that's not possible

welldone Thu 03-Feb-11 19:57:27

DB really likeing 'no I can't' not sure I have guts to carry it out without a compulsive apology and explanation afterwards...

marlinspike...how did you come by your name? I know a house of the same name. Too late...I rang...no favour asked...BUT she may still ring tomorrow to ask...'isn't it windy' is a good one...can do pointless conversation fillers...still going to struggle holding back apologies...

Oooopsadaisy - you ring her...please! I'll ferry your children round for a year...after all if a nearly complete stranger entrusts me to drive their kids around...you know what got me...took youngest dc to playgroup...first full day...neither parent rang me and asked if she was okay when she got there, or anything...it was like I had picked up a parcel for the post office...

Lovemygirls - because I AM polite...just very british...

Anyhoo...yes I rang...no favour asked...still suspisious but did enjoy bit of a natter...but feel nervy as I'm holding back alot of resentment and irritation with her...and I hate being honest because i find it very scary and makes for a difficult 'friendship'. She is entertaining...but really should not take piss with taxiing...

Thanks for your advice but better go and reaquaint myself with dh grin will keep you updated!

Jezabelle Sat 05-Mar-11 17:50:48

"No I can't I'm afraid" if you feel it softens the blow. But Duplic is right, don't actually apologise. You're obviously a nice, normal person. I think the problem is you know how you'd feel if someone gave you a really abrupt "no" to a favour. You'd be thinking "does she think I'm taking the piss", "does she think I'm awful?" worry, worry, etc etc.

But the fact is that this woman is not like you. She IS a piss taker and probably has thick skin as a result. She'll probably think "bugger, I've been rumbled" and move onto someone else.

You wouldn't want your kids to be taken advantage of in this way, so don't allow yourself to be.

Good luck.

PercyPigPie Thu 07-Jul-11 16:40:40

How about 'yes, that will be fine. Actually I've been meaning to ask you, could you please take my DC to school until the end of term, I'm a bit busy'. I bet you never hear from her again.

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