Friendship dilemma

(3 Posts)
sarahb94 Mon 23-Nov-20 15:59:45

I used to be really close friends with my best friend from uni, we lived together throughout the whole 3 years and after uni moved too different cities but stayed really close mates for a while.

But I feel like we’ve drifted apart massively over the past couple of years, we don’t have anything in common and have very different outlooks on life. She is also close friends with one of our mutual friends who I fell out with towards the end of uni.
I almost dropped out because this other “friend” was so nasty to me. I feel like I’ve really held on to anger at my close friend for staying good friends with this person after what happened but as this was over five years ago and I didn’t ask her to not be friends with her at the time (I felt that was her decision to make) I don’t really feel like I can bring it up now as it seems petty to still be angry about that.

I feel like our friendship should have fizzled our anyway by now as we are very different people but she seems way more into the friendship than me - she messages a lot and is very needy if I don’t message back instantly, but at the same time I don’t think she is a good friend because she gossips about a lot of people behind they’re backs and I don’t trust her too not do the same for me.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings by cutting off contact and I want to avoid any confrontation at all costs as I learnt the hard way how messy it is to fall out with a close friend. I want to drift apart gradually but it is hard to be distant without being rude, and i feel like at some point it’ll be obvious if I just never make the effort. Any advice?

OP’s posts: |
mapofeasterireland Tue 24-Nov-20 19:35:46

You could address the problems in your friendship and try and make it better. There is value in old friends.

Bonheurdupasse Mon 22-Feb-21 13:37:41

Look up grey rock method.
She doesn’t sound like a good friend to you, edging into the user category.

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