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Caught deleting text message(7 Posts)
MEH! Here it goes.
Me and husband have been together 10 years and married for five.
A few years back, I made friends with a work colleague (who was very young!) - I say friends but was more of a mentor thing. He was a hipster type early 20’s and I took him under my wing a bit. He was a bit crap at work so worked hard to improve him etc.
Anyway, husband didn’t like it. Especially as he’d text me and it made him suspicious. And I got that...
Anyway. We moved away blah blah.
So, a couple of weeks ago he facebooked me asking if I was OK and asking for my number as he wanted to show me how he’d learned piano and a song he had written. It had been a good couple of years since we chatted.
So gave him my number, he sent the song (was pretty poor! Lol) and I said it was nice. He asked how life was out of London and I just said it was great and that’s that.
Anyway, he decided to reply to that text message today - after weeks. Just saying “sounds good”.
Anyway, I was on sofa with husband and he asked ‘who is that?’ as the unsaved number popped up...
Now, I know I should have just been honest, but I lied. For no other reason than I just couldn’t be arsed with the “why is he texting you? What’s going on?” crap. So I archived the message. Unfortunately, I didn’t see he was standing behind me.
I totally see how it looks dodgy. But anyway, he said it was suspicious and I agreed - especially as I had lied. So I have him my phone - he saw the FB message and the WhatsApp and all very innocent “well done, lovely song etc”.
It’s not the content of the message....but he’s in a right huff now because I wanted to hide it from him.
My argument is that if I brought it up, I’m just going to get questions about it anyway. And I’d rather not have the agro over some random who just wants to show me his little song.
I also don’t want to have to message the poor guy and be like “please stop messaging me” as he is very sweet - bit of a loner - and is only being nice.
How should I approach this now?
Should also add, key part of my argument is that - actually - it wasn’t until that moment I deleted the WhatsApp. And hadn’t deleted the FB. He has access to my phone so if there was something going on, I would have deleted rather than just left them.
I just panicked in the moment and realise now I probably did the wrong thing.
You'd be in the doghouse with me I'm afraid. Apologise and block the number.
What’s the lie, though? What did you say when your DH asked: “Who’s that?”
I said it was one the girls.
Stupid really, but if I’d just gone “Oh, it’s X” it just opens an unnecessary can of worms and I just couldn’t be arsed with the agro over a three message conversation about a bloody song.
Poor guy probably sent it to everyone. Think he’s quit working to try and concentrate on music...which I was always encouraging him in.
I’m a good 15 years older than him, it was always more big sister/little brother than anything. Husband has always known that too, but had previously been uncomfortable. Which is why I phased him out in the first place.
I know this probably isn't helpful at this point, but my main takeaway from this is "fucking hell this sounds like hard work". Why does your husband have access to your phone? Why does he have an opinion on who you're texting? Why is it an issue if you're texting a younger male former colleague? This all sounds extremely intense and suffocating. Why can't you just do what you like, as long as there's nothing to hide? What is your relationship with DH like aside from all this?
When I say access to my phone, I don’t mean to check up. Like - just has the passcode, can use it to make calls if it’s more handy, reply to messages for me in the car if I’m driving etc. Not a checking up thing, although he certainly could if he wanted and I wouldn’t have anything to hide.
I agree on this having an opinion who I am texting. If my phone ever goes off he asks who it is and it is annoying! But I think he’s just nosey.
Relationship good. He’s generally quite a worrier which is why I was just thought - lie and delete - to avoid any agro or sulking or questioning.
I don’t think it helps that the guy is very attractive in a Shoreditch hipster sort of way. But basically a child and it’s always been very innocent and platonic. And I hadn’t engaged at all - even the fact he had to FB me asking for my number to share his song must be a sign that there’s been no contact or anything going on.
Is a bit exhausting. But maybe I shouldn’t have lied.