Overbearing grandparents driving me mad

(6 Posts)
justgoingwithit Mon 06-Apr-20 11:11:09

Just a little back story; I'm a 32 year old single mother of a 5 year old. I'm not permitted to work at the moment (immigration issue as I'm not British) and so when I moved over here in the early stages of my pregnancy I've been with my parents who are now both British citizens. I'm not able to apply for a council house or benefits or anything like that or am I able to move back home. Daughters father isn't involved at all as he is not in the UK. Anyway, I have been patient for all these years hoping my immigration issues would get resolved and I could either get my own place or move home but it hasn't been easy.

From the day my daughter was born, I was forced by my parents to feed her the way they wanted. My mother instructed me to stop breastfeeding after 3 months and I contested this but I was shouted at. My parents don't believe any 'child' no matter how old should have an opinion and if you do, you are being disrespectful.

My mother is very abusive, physically, verbally and definitely emotionally. She does this in front of my child and I worry that my daughter will be affected somehow by this.

I can't do anything right in their eyes. In the summer I'm told not to go out with the child unless it's necessary because it's too hot for her and in the winter I'm told not to go out because it's cold and she will catch a cold or something.

I could go on and on about how my life is and it will probably bore you even more than this post has.

Incase anyone asks why I came here in the first place, I had recently graduated and was working well back home and I was feeling very emotional about the prospect of being on my own and decided to visit my parents for a short while and go back to my job and see how I would go about raising my daughter as my ex wasn't interested in having a relationship with me or the baby.

I want to have a different approach to parenting and my parents are not having it. I feel helpless. My daughter is now very overweight and I try to cut out certain things from her diet but my parents say I'm starving her. At 6 months, they forced me to put porridge in the formula, they constantly give her chocolate and other treats and even when she was about 2, the health visitor suggested to come over and have a chat with them but I got told off after she left so now I'm scared of asking for help because I have no where else to go.

I don't know why I'm posting this but I guess I just wanted to talk but I feel I have to compress this post because I could honestly write a book about my lousy life.

OP’s posts: |
lexiepuppy Wed 15-Apr-20 02:59:53

@justgoingwithit

You need to get some independence and get away from your abusive mother.
You are right , your daughter will be picking up on how they are treating you, but your daughter is being abused as well if they are making her over weight.

Use lockdown to start plotting how to get out, a job, childcare, places to rent etc.

When you get away from them, I would consider going ‘grey rock’ with them or even ‘No contact ‘.

I hope you can get away soon.🌻

ColdCottage Wed 15-Apr-20 03:27:17

I would speak to refuge. Your parents sound abusive in their control of you and your daughter. I'm sorry it's been so tough.

TheSmelliestHouse Sun 19-Apr-20 18:24:09

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I don't k ow enough to offer any advise but wanted to offer a virtual handhold. A refuge sounds like a place that could offer advice.

MaternitySpongeBob Fri 22-May-20 17:18:04

your parents are abusive. you need help to get out of this situation.

you need to find the strength and resources to do this - do you want this life for your daughter? No? GET OUT ASAP, you know that's what you need to do.

are there any refuges you can get to/seek advice from?

www.shelter.org.uk/ can assist with housing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 22-May-20 17:21:03

Please speak to Woman's Aid. They don't just look at domestic violence within marriages/partners.

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